if you look at him, he'll kill you!

15: poetry

hi satanschildbutgayer its been a while and i figured u would wanna read this

-

josh didn't understand why this happened to him.

he'd been told tyler had some head trauma, but now the doctors are almost positive that he'll survive. they say the memory should come back but they aren't exactly sure when.

josh spent the night at the hospital, sitting in tyler's room and talking to him every once in a while when the boy would wake up. tyler was still confused as to who josh was, and josh told him the whole story starting from the first day when he lied against him and then ending at that final day when he told tyler what happened to him.

perks of his mom being the head surgeon, he was able to stay in the room with the boy.

"josh?"

josh was half asleep in his chair, his head lolling to the side but quickly snapping up and looking at the boy who somehow looked ten times smaller in his hospital gown and the white sheets. (josh couldn't help but think all of the white kind of made him look like an angel.)

"yeah, tyler?"

tyler looked up at the ceiling for a minute, "can you tell me about your little sister?"

josh sucked in a breath, he hadn't talked about ash to anyone in a while. he hadn't even told tyler anything about her when tyler knew who he was, but if tyler wanted to hear this then he'd tell him.

"what do you wanna know?"

tyler smiled, "what was she like? like, what did she like to do and what'd she look like and stuff."

"well, for starters, she didn't really look like me. it's kind of weird, me and jordan, my brother, have like this dark curly hair and ash had straight red hair. people always thought she was a adopted. but she was great. she loved books, she was reading this really thick book, probably like six hundred pages right before the accident. i, um, i took it to her grave with me a few times and finished reading it to her. i didn't want her to be gone and not be able to finish her story, you know? and she was really good at poetry. it was weird, she was only eleven but she wrote some of the best poems i'd seen. she gave me a whole book of them, i'll let you read them sometime.

"she was really passionate about literature. she wanted to be an author. write novels and poetry and short stories. it was her dream to write a book and have it adapted into a movie. it kills me to know she can't fulfill that dream. we put one of her poems on the back of her headstone. it was her favorite one.

"the sun rises and falls
like your lungs in perfect harmony
five senses,
four limbs,
three freckles in constellation,
two eyes and
one heart sending blood in circulation
like the earth around the sun
remember:
'i am alive.'"

josh had tears on his cheeks as he continued talking. "good, right? she wrote that. an eleven year old little girl wrote that. it's crazy. i have all of her poems memorized. it's like a way she could always be with me, you know?"

tyler smiled. "that's amazing, josh. the way you read to her, helped her finish that book she couldn't finish on her own. you're a good brother."

josh grinned right back at him. "i'd hope so. there's another one on the way. mom's pregnant again. a little girl. i think maybe this is a way to help kind of fill that hole ashley left. obviously, this girl isn't a replacement for her but i think it'll be nice to have her grow up and be able to tell her stories about her cool older sister. hopefully she'll have the same hair and stuff, you know? i'm really excited to meet her. mom and dad already picked a name. abigail."

tyler laughed. "i was nowhere near as excited as you when jay was born."

"you- you remember jay now?"

tyler gasped. "i do! i remember the day he was born. it was, um, before all of this, i think. i already had two siblings. i was thirteen and i didn't want a baby in the house. but then he was born and i fell in love with him. but then i guess that's around when everything went south, you know? because i don't remember much of him after that. just that once he was old enough to understand stuff he stayed away from me. like mom and dad brainwashed him or something. it sucked."

"i'm so sorry, ty."

tyler looked up at him through watery eyes and gave a small smile. "it's alright," he paused, eyes lighting up like he got an idea.

"could i hear more of ashley's poetry?"

josh walked over to tyler's bed, intending to sit in the hard plastic chair next to it but crawling in when tyler scooted over and pulled the covers up, allowing josh to squeeze in next to him. and with the warmth of his body, the sound of his heartbeat against tyler's ear where his head was laid agains josh's chest, and the soft whisper of the beautiful poems, he felt himself drift away.

"isn't it
wonderful
though?
fresh morning
after mourning
bright and new
crisp and
clear as a
summer blue.
bodies break
and bleed
but never forget
you can begin
again whenever
you need."

-

913 words

published may 23, 2020

i know it seems a bit unlikely that an 11 year old would write poetry like that but God i love ashley's poems theyre so pretty and wonderful

also its been SO LONG!!

a lot has happened over the last few months, as im sure you all are aware.

obviously quarantine. i hope youre all staying safe and healthy. i miss school and my freshman year technically ended about three days ago.

my brother is a senior and i know he missed a lot more than me but i cant help but be sad that my first year of high school was cut short. i miss my teachers and my friends

TYLER HAS A BABY!! JOSH IS MARRIED!!

which is AMAZING and im so happy for them and i love them and their respective wives so these are reasons why i kinda feel weird writing gay fanfic about them lmao bc now tyler has a kid and theyre both married but im gonna work on finishing it

also, i dyed my hair purple in april so thats pretty cool. we're dying it a different color tomorrow and we bleached it today so its currently a gross blonde but whatever

how have you guys been??

i feel bad for abandoning this fic for so long but i needed a break from a lot of social media type things. i left twitter a while back but i miss my ibfs so i'll be back there soon. its been almost a year since i started this and im determined to finish it now.

ive already said this but im supposed to be seeing 5 seconds of summer in september but that might get pushed to next year which really sucks bc ive been wanting to see them for five years now :((

anyway, im gonna go now and stop rambling in the authors notes of my fanfic lol byeee