Mia's Untold Stories

Chapter 7: Journey to discovery

She knew the journey to self discovery would be a long one. She'd have to focus all her energy on healing herself.

Sooner rather than later she'd decide that feminism might be the way to go.

Empower woman like yourself.
Strength comes from sticking together.
Be a voice for those who can't speak for themselves.
Audre Lorde once said, "I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own."

I've been reading some books online for inspiration for myself, I found myself dwelling on a particular short book. It's called Dried Out by @taycosplay19 and I found myself relating to the character Mae Brunt. I'm not genderfluid and I'm extremely grateful I still have my family in my life. I'm also really truly grateful that I haven't been sexually assaulted, well at least not that bad.

It's been three weeks and I'm still caught up on the betrayal of Joseph. I should've known he was just using me. He told me the only reason he didn't mind going out with me was due to the fact he needed to release some of his sexual frustrations. He did love Caitlyn, but he never expected to 'fall' so hard for me. He planned to end things before the little holiday the two of us went on, but I believe he was planning to dump me right after. After all, any logical person would know that the holiday was just a sex spree.

How could I have been so blind to everything, was I so desperate to just be loved and wanted that I didn't even mind the fact he was using me? Why am I so shocked at the shallow feeling in my chest, it's not like I hadn't experienced it before?

It's become hard for me to sleep, to eat, to think, to even breathe. I've been trying to keep all the tears bottled in, I was not gonna burst into tears for him. I won't allow him to get that satisfaction over my pain. Perhaps I never loved him enough, or perhaps I loved him to much that he felt suffocated in my presence. Perhaps it's because I gained weight while we were together, but it's impossible I've gone two jeans sizes smaller. Maybe I just never gave enough sex, maybe he thought I wasn't pretty enough, maybe I was never wife material, maybe he never loved me or liked me at all.

For three weeks I've been feeling tired, empty and afraid. Afraid that I'm not worth much. The poetry club closed down in December, so there was no place I could go for a mere distraction. I've been laying in my room, keeping up a facade around my parents that everything is still okay, but currently I feel like I'm dried out.

I suppose the only thing good that came out of these three weeks is the fact I stumbled upon Aladdin on my hard drive.
It's probably unhealthy, but I've been binge watching this movie on a daily, fantasizing about Aladdin. He actually reminds me of a guy I made out with once, one of Roxy's friends.

Okay, so quick little throwback, he is Roxy's ex's best friend to be exact. We went on a "double date" two years ago, to be honest I just tagged along, because I was bored at home. Wasn't into him, but I wanted to mess around and have a bit of fun. He seems like the typical player boy, get what I want when I want it type. So I couldn't fall for a guy like that anyway. He is definitely not the OMG HOT type of guy, more of the cute and funny, heartbreaker type. So we went for a movie, I made out with him, but trust me when I say the guy is a good kisser like wow.

Mmm... Mia I wonder what his like in bed.

Shut up!!!

Anyway, his name William Paul Michaels and to be completely honest with you, he looks a lot like Aladdin. Currently Aladdin is the one guy I can crush on, without getting my feelings hurt, because he's fictional and loyal to Sultan Jasmine.

Another good thing that arose from the three weeks break is that I stopped cutting and burning myself, not because I want to. I'm considering going back to modelling and the little barbie doll's body needs to look perfect. Of course, I'd have to start eating smaller portions and avoiding the desserts. That world is the same as my reality, smile, starve and pretend everything is okay.

Perhaps being a feminist would mean, I could just be me.

Nobody will truly accept me for who I am, however it's a chance to help others like me.
I can't help myself and others won't help me, but if I had the chance I'd set the next woman free.

I at least got a warning from Caitlyn, it's funny how I went from being Deborah to being Whitney, except I don't know who is the new me.

Trying to save the next girl from Joseph will only be toxic for me, she'll still get hurt and he'll just move on. It's a vicious cycle, if I cut him, his family and friends out my life, things could be simpler.

I could move, have a fresh start and my perhaps my past won't always define me. Nobody will know me. To have a complete new start I'd have to clear my social media and start a fresh.

It's time to create a new me.

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Author's Note

I still hope your engaged in Mia's story. For those of you who know Mia and could actually figure out the reality and fiction of this book. I will assure you that the rest of this book is fiction.

Very minor parts will be true, however the rest is fiction. I hope nobody feels offended by parts I have published.

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XoXo

Lots of love, peace, happiness and positive energy.

Yours truly,
W.J.Davids