Mia's Untold Stories

Chapter 13 - Happy Endings?

"All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending" the song hits me good.

I feel like a dusty old ornament wasting my days sitting on a shelf. I've been trying to distract myself from well life, I guess.

I recently started binge watching a different Disney movie, Beauty and The Beast. I haven't gone out anywhere to do anything. It's lazy, but safe. I know nobody and nothing can destroy what's left of me while I'm laying in bed.

William brought something else to my attention, I'm not going to find my 'prince' sitting in bed, all day watching Disney princess movies on repeat.

Did I even want a prince?
Did I even want anything?

For the last few weeks, not even weeks, since forever the only feeling I wanted was pure happiness. My childhood had that, the purest, sweetest and most enjoyable memories.

Did my sister try to slaughter me? Yes, but I mean it was only because she was obsessed with that wiccan series, Charmed. Other than that my childhood had nothing I could complain about.

I suppose growing up was so horrid that clenching onto the things that made me happy is the only thing that will keep a bit of sparkling light in my eyes.

The deaths of the people closest to me, getting peer pressured into rubbish and all the heartbreaking drama, there's a lot.

Nights like tonight, I just want to get dressed up for myself. Put karaoke on it's loudest, lock my room door and sing to my heart's content, while jumping on my bed like a three year old.

Instead here I lay between watching tv and colouring in my 'adult' colouring book, that's supposed to be therapeutic. I still don't understand the point in colouring within the lines, but I always picture my grade 2 teacher yelling at me for going out of the lines.

I ended up calling William tonight.
Let's just put the combination together annoyed, yet bored, with a hint of to much caffeine and a dash of I've officially lost my mind. It already sounds like a mess.

Remember I mentioned how I yearned for Joe's voice to sooth me, again. I got something close to that feeling from hearing William's voice, completely freaked out like the weirdo I am and hung up on him.

After realizing how completely dumb it was, I called him back... from a different number and blamed it on my airtime cutting. I know, I know, I don't like admitting when I'm wrong, just leave me be.

We then spoke for an hour, after I internally dared myself to say everything that my mind was saying. It's silly and stupid in so many ways, but can you blame me.

I told William that I'm crushing on him and he kind of said the same thing back. Hold on, before that excitement starts bouncing up and down. Remember this is reality, this isn't a fairytale, as much as I wished it was.

Finding your soulmate doesn't come from a single phone call where you admit you had feelings, get asked out, hop on a magic carpet, fly away and get married. This is reality.

This is the place where we mess up, people will laugh at you and you have to learn to suck it up and move on.

I felt guilty for keeping William up till 2am, unlike me, he actually has a life and ambitions.

So I had to end the call before any juicy topics came about. He did the damn thing Joe used to do. It's a red flag comparing someone I like to someone that hurt me, but hear me out.

I wanted to hang up and he asked me to not go. I don't know if it's just me or if anyone else ever feels like this, but when someone asks you to stay, you feel so wanted. It's like I have a place I can stay, get comfortable and just be myself. I suppose I'm insane.

Truth is, I didn't want to go, but my conscience was bugging me on a whole new level. Hearing his voice was making my internal numbness feel some sort of movement, like there's something in that emptiness I forgot existed.

So I spoke a little while longer, till he fell asleep. I kept silent for a bit, then whispered 'goodnight' and I soon realized he's a really light sleeper, because he woke up quickly after.

I'll leave the rest of the details out, but once I hung up the call I was smiling like a retard. Not the forced fake happiness I create in front of the camera. My cheek bones were actually getting sore.

Joseph made me feel something once. Something so unexplainable, but how can I compare William to Joe? He did make me happy, but I kept my camera smile on most of the time, considering all the doubts he left me with.

It felt so good to just have a weird, yet normal conversation. To feel like there could be some sort of purpose to my life.

The image I painted within my mind was horrible. Everytime I thought about William I could only think of three moments I spent with him that were so simple and I was probably just trying to fool myself.

The first scenario was in the cinema. I can't remember what the movie was about, but that doesn't matter. I remember the rest of it, as if it was yesterday. Roxy and her ex were sitting behind us. I remember the back of my chair being kicked by Roxy at some point, while she was making out with her (at the time) boyfriend. I felt awkward and wanted to leave the movie, but I agreed to drag my soul for Roxy's sake.

William and I had to deal with that awkwardness for a bit. Then Roxy leaned forward and asked me for lip balm. Something which I only carried in my purse for her that day. Then she went back to what she was doing.

I remember you told her to keep your strawberry lip balm. You weren't gonna put all of their germs on your mouth.

Either way I made out with William after that. It was amazing, except for the interruptions from Roxy for some of the gummy sweets I had. I love her to bits, but she killed my vibe at least three times during that movie. As I said before William's kisses are mind blowing...

The second scenario was something a bit silly, but I actually enjoy the small silly things. The same night the four of us went to an area that was for the staff only, but nobody ever went there. We went up to the rooftop and the view was spectacular. The best part of it was a small area that William pointed out to me, where the street lights meets the night sky. The stars are usually hidden on nights like that, but that particular night the lights blended with the stars just perfectly.

The last scenario was just the once I bumped into him at Coral Reef. It was during the time Joseph and I were split, because of the 'baby'. I wanted to spend a bit more time with him that evening, but my parents were in a rush for a reason I can't quite remember.

Mia you're delusional.

I think you're still trying to find your way since Joe broke you. There's no need to rush into another anything right now. Just take some time, you need to revert your anchor back to yourself

Finding yourself isn't easy. To stop blaming yourself is another difficult task. To stop hating yourself is the most difficult task of all. You shouldn't feel pressured to go into a relationship, because you afraid to be alone.

I just need to feel human again.
I need to find a place where I belong.
I need to do something that's productive. I need to find the woman in me.

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Author's Note.

I don't exactly know what was the purpose in this chapter, but if you find something significant in it please let me know.

Don't forget to vote, comment and share.

XoXo

Lots of love, peace, happiness, blessings and positive energy.

Yours truly,
W.J.DAVIDS