Mia's Untold Stories

Over thinking

After Joseph and I hooked up, I felt that connection we had before. I played everything as normal as possible, but we were still drifting apart.

I'd write messages like,
Do you know how badly I just crave for your touch, just to be wrapped up in your arms even for an inch of a second? Just to feel your warmth and feel completely safe and secure. The electric sensation of feeling your skin against my flesh.
I'm just yearning for a hug right now.

Then I'd completely delete it because let's be honest if he wanted me back he'd just say so.

I'd lay in bed realizing he's just gonna keep using me. He knows he has my heart, but he's soon to be a married man with a baby. Somehow I just couldn't stop thinking about him and that night. I could never let a night like that happen again.

Perhaps it was the thrill it gave me being with him, but whatever it is, it was wrong.

Mia, you're better than this. You are better than being some side dish to a guy. He'll just keep using you, you'll be the other girl. Imagine how it'd feel if you were that other girl, knowing your soon to be husband is hooking up with his ex.

Oh, but after all, she was the one who took my man away from me. He broke up with her several months into our relationship.

Mia, it's wrong just accept it. If he wanted to be with you he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. If he loved you, he would've respected you and would've not hooked up with you. He's just using you.

No matter what I did, I was still thinking about him. Clearing memes on my phone, discovering pictures of us would break me, yet I felt hope that maybe there's a chance, one day he'll be mine again.

The main part of my depression was over thanks to continuously going to poetry club. So getting out of bed to clean my room was no longer an issue.

I'd get up, shower, connect my phone to the Bluetooth speaker and play my favourite tracks on YouTube. Trust me, Mariah wasn't making my thoughts any easier.

I still believe - Mariah Carey

My mother taught me this song a year ago when I was upset about Keegan Van Wyk, he was a South African boy.
A guy I was heavily crushing on at the time, but somehow this song made me think about Joseph.

Oh how Joseph would call randomly to say his outside, I'd rush out just to get the most delicious kisses and tight hugs. He'd help me choose an outfit and he'd take me someplace completely unknown.

I miss that. I miss him. I wish things were different.

I pick up the little penguin teddy he bought me and hang him on my wall.

Mia, he's toxic, stop thinking about him.

I'd pick up my phone and lay on my perfectly made bed to check status updates. Keegan fought with his girlfriend and wants to clear his mind.

"Milkshakes anyone"

You probably don't know this, because I haven't told you, but those are my ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE.

I reply and meet up with him and some other friend of his.
We have a nice day out, but the truth of the matter is I still can't completely get Joseph out of my head. Everything I say and do just makes me wonder what Joseph would do if he were here.

Oh. Joseph would definitely love that new movie coming out...
Awww, Joseph would be so much of a better partner playing Pharaoh Hunter with me...Joseph this... Joseph that...

The truth of the matter is, I wasn't ready for this day. Usually, I'd want to spend more time with Keegan, but I think that sparkle is completely gone. He doesn't bring that happiness to me as he used to and he has a girlfriend anyway.

It's been three months, I just want this hollow heartache to disappear.