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"Everytime I close my eyes all I can picture is an empty subway station filled with skin cutting silence while I'm standing on the edge of the platform waiting for a train that will never arrive. The ear piercing sound of the rumbling tracks while the train moves past me like a gust of wind will never cut through the stillness of my life. even though everyone is moving at a fast pace I believe I'm still stuck in one place. That's the only way I can describe what goes in my head in a metaphorical way." Jeongguk was talking as if he was alone...not once glancing anywhere other than the city lights in front of him.
"Maybe the reason why you feel like you are still stuck in one place is because you are letting your fears hold you down....there's way more to life other than just accepting defeat." Jeongguk hated the fact that the boy was telling the truth but the words that he said weren't something Jeongguk had never thought of before. but it was for the first time that he was actually paying attention to them.
With a long pause Jeongguk mumbled again:
"Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air and it always feels like I'm under water and I can't reach up to the surface. I think the reason why I feel this way is because the person who I loved with my whole heart decided to drop an anchor of pain in the ocean filled with my tears while they stood there on the shore watching me drown. " Jeongguk's head hurted from all the memories and he wanted to cry but there was nothing left inside of him other than numbness.
Feeling empty can be so heavy.
"Love is a curse disguised as a blessing unless you witness the true redamancy of its nature." the stranger said with a hint of hurt in his voice as if he was speaking from his own personal experience in the field of love.
Jeongguk let the other's word sink in before saying:
"I grew up in a loving home with loving parents but despite their efforts and care I have always felt misunderstood my whole life. even after giving all my love to someone who never returned it, I never wished for them to stay unhappy, you can say I stripped down my self respect to please the ego of those who said they'd never leave my side and in the end those people only exist in the pages of my diaries that have not witnessed anything but the shelves of my room."
"Then take them out...take those pages out and let the world read about your screaming thoughts."
