fifty shots for the stars (tgwdlm//bf)

burn

hannah, lex, and ethan. sfw. tw; accidental self harm. word count: 937.

~

lighters, she knew a lot about them. they were found everywhere she went: on the kitchen counter, on the bedroom desk, on the living room table, and on the car dashboard. she would watch the way the fire would flick out of the small tool; observing the quick pace of her sister, mother, or friend's thumb as they lit their cigarettes, bongs, and blunts. it was fascinating yet frightening.

hannah, out of curiosity and built-up courage, would give lighting them a try, just to see if she can do it and help out if anyone wanted to smoke but had their hands full. in the beginning, she wasn't able to get it right, only the gas smell puffing in her face as she gave it her all. she continued to watch and focus with the best of her ability when ethan lit a cig for lex whenever she's stressed, ignoring what was upsetting her as she replayed the motion in her head.

the next set of attempts were successful, though the flame wasn't as tall as she saw everyone else make it, getting frustrated with it. she had to stop for a while due to either always being around her sister or thrown under her boyfriend's care, or even both. she didn't want them knowing she was trying to learn a new thing, and most likely get babied by lex or insulted by ethan - even if he isn't serious about it.

one day, however, she got it up to the preferred height, and stared in awe at how bright and warm it was. the tip of her thumb was slightly dipped into it, the heat beginning to her but she only wanted to admire her accomplished goal for a bit longer. she did wince when it was unbearable and dropped the lighter, it clicking off as soon as she let go. she held her hands close to her chest and stared down at the device; she didn't consider the incident for much longer as she went to pick it up again, and flick it on.

it was exciting, she finally did it, and was doing it again! she would grin and giggle with glee each time she went back to a lighter when no one was around, and she managed to get it on. a bad thing to this was her skin on the tips of her thumbs would get hurt, and she would hide it from everyone so they wouldn't try to overwhelm her with questions. she began to reteach herself the gesture with her other fingers so if her thumb was too sore, she could use the others - she had ten, after all.

the burning soon didn't bother hannah after a while, she doesn't acknowledge the wounds and blisters that form on her fingers unless she needs to keep her hands balled into fists or hidden from her sister. so she kept up with what she was doing for another month or two, until an unfortunate event happened.

she was sitting near ethan's car as the older two went to the park to score some weed, messing with one of his lighters that had a skull printed on it. so edgy. she positioned herself in a way that her legs were crisscrossed, her hands in the open space and resting against a patch of grass. there was a dandelion leaning near due to her leg putting pressure against it, resulting in it to dip near the flame. she stared for a minute, slightly tilting the lighter closer and watched as the small plant caught on fire.

hannah didn't register what she did before quickly jumping away from the lit dandelion, it slowly lighting the blades of grass surrounding it, causing her to panic. luckily for her, lex and ethan returned, and she heard a gasp from her sister. "hannah, what the fuck!" she said as she ran over, stomping her run-down boots against the fire to stop it from spreading farther as fast as she could. lex whipped her head up to look at her younger sister, hair falling to the sides of her head.

"why are you playing with fire? that shit is dangerous!" she crouched down and snatched the lighter from her, earning a scared squeak from hannah. she didn't like it when lex got mad at her, she never likes it when she is mad. "lex, hey, calm down- she prolly didn't mean to," said ethan and put a hand on her shoulder to relax her. "she ain't hurt and that's what matters, right?" he reassured her to look at the brighter side.

"yeah but how'd she know how to light the stupid thing? a child shouldn't be able to," she looked at him as if it was a shocking thing, hannah raising a brow at that question. ethan only shrugged and took his lighter from her, slipping it in his pocket; "let's jus' get outta here before the cops on patrol find us, we don't want any trouble now that we have pot in our hands."

lex gave her boyfriend a nod and helped hannah up on her feet, getting her in the backseat. she thought about how she could have done that without her sister's help, but didn't say anything, just flinching at the slam of the car door then slumping in her spot. maybe she shouldn't have learned a new skill that may have a benefit towards them and her mom; stick with what she likes and does already, and avoid conflict altogether. she would keep note of this night for the future, and from this moment on, hannah never touched a lighter again.