Falling For You (bxb)

28. Forever

5.24.20

Antony's POV

A month doesn't seem like a long time when you think about it at first. At the average lifespan, a month is only about .1% of your life. In a month's time, you could find that you've ended up exactly where you've started, and you can find that you're still just as happy. However, after a month, you can find that your existence has taken a sickening turn for the worse. You can find that you're clinging onto yourself by a small thread, but nothing really feels the same. The people you meet, the way your life changes, so much emotional development in just 30 days.

You try to hold onto yourself when it feels like your main reason to live has flown out the window, but it's too hard. You slip slowly down the drain of life, and no one can stop your decent. For me, this has been the worst month of my life. Losing my son is like losing everything I had worked hard for in the span of one afternoon. Honestly, if Jackson wasn't here, I would probably be dead by now. Hell, he's here, and even now I can hardly leave my room. I can hardly eat, and I surely can't sleep without thinking of him.

"Come on, Tony. It's just chicken soup," Jackson begged while holding a bowl.

"I can't." My voice cracked in the middle of my words, and my head drooped against my pillow. Fresh tears came to my eyes, and I didn't have the energy to stop them from flowing.

"Just two spoonfuls and I'll leave you alone." I reluctantly opened my mouth to accept the liquid, but we both knew that my stomach wouldn't be able to handle even the softest of foods. I don't know exactly how much weight I've lost, but I know it's an unhealthy amount based on the way Jacky looked at me. His hand gently caressed my hair, and I found my face moving closer to his touches automatically. "Show me some way to help you."

"Bring them back."

"You know I can't do that, Tony. If I could, I would, but it's just impossible. I just hate seeing you like this; it breaks my heart."

Jackson lifted my body up towards his, and I allowed my fingers to curl into his shirt. His stunning eyes were so sad, but I couldn't help him. I mean, I could, but I didn't have the emotional energy to do so. "How did the pack move on from him so quickly?"

"You know they had to. Having no Alpha is extremely dangerous for us if someone were to attack."

"Even Winston managed to get past his soulmate being gone. Why is it that I'm just stuck?"

"People say that the soulmate bond is the strongest pull in the world. It does depend on how much you're drawn to someone, but in some cases the bond is just weak. It's entirely possible that your bond with your son is much stronger than Winston's attachment to Marcus, and that's why you're still stuck in this stage. The mate connection is strong, but sometimes the pull to your own blood is stronger."

"I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'll be able to move on ever."

"I know I'm not supposed to be honest in this case, but it's going to have to happen. You can't stay like this forever; I'm not going to sit here and watch you kill yourself. It's important that you get over him. Who knows? Maybe one day he'll show up on your doorstep like a lost puppy returns home."

"Jacky, will you help me move on?"

"Of course I will. It isn't easy, but I'll be your rock. We'll make it through. I think step one is to eat your soup."

***

One Month Later

It's been two months since Alex went missing in action, and I've gotten slightly better at being a functional adult again. Jackson had managed to coax me out of my bedroom a few times, and I could feel myself beginning to heal. This pack is only 1 generation old, but it's still strong. Somehow, we've learned to operate with a beta as the alpha and no Luna in sight without the surrounding packs noticing.

"Hey, Tony. How are you feeling today?"

"Pretty good. I ate an entire meal for the first time."

"That's good. I'm so proud of you, baby."

I allowed Jackson to hold me against his body, and everything seemed better. He's my beacon, and more importantly my rock. He wasn't about to let me slip and fall back into the waves. "Thank you for dealing with me at my worst."

"That's what I'm here for. I love you too much to let you just go through that all alone."

"How are you holding up? Ash is missing, too."

"It isn't too horrible. I never got the chance to rebuild my relationship with him after thinking he was dead for 13 years."

"Oh... I'm so sorry to hear that. Everyone should be able to have a relationship with their children."

"Yeah, and I trust that I will get to have one when I see him again."

"You sound very hopeful."

"I know he's out there, somewhere. He's a very intelligent young man, and he did a really good job raising himself. I'm proud of my little boy even though he isn't so little anymore."

"I miss the days when nothing too insane was going on. Growing up, I was never really a good father to my son, and I wish that I was able to go back in time and fix that. I shouldn't have been so fixated on hunting down vampires and promoting skewed views of right and wrong. Instead, I should have been the father he deserved."

"We all have regrets, Tony, but think of it on the bright side. If you hadn't broken up with me, our kids would be siblings or not exist at all, so who knows what kind of relationship they would be engaged in. If you hadn't kicked Alex out, he and Ash might not have met as soon as they did. I'm sure they would have because of the bond, but it might have taken a lot longer. Let's humor the fact that they never met. We wouldn't have found each other for the third time, and I probably wouldn't have you in my arms right now. I know you aren't an optimist, but look at this on the bright side. Everything happens for a reason."

I pushed my face into his shoulder, and I enjoyed the way his fingers traced my shoulder blades. "We're gonna be alright, Tony. Trust me."

"I trust you with my life, Jacky. Please don't let me down."

"Never. If I let you down, call a doctor because I'm probably not healthy."

"I will. Thanks for sticking by my side."

"Forever."

I just realized that chapter 28 of "You're Mine" is also called forever... Iconic