Apathy ▸▸ Kellic

Chapter Eleven

Vic and I didn't talk for another good week. I've been here for awhile now; Maybe it's time to go home. The guys were probably wondering what I was up to, as I was thinking the same about them. I wish they were here, or better yet Jenna. It still bugs me that she just packed up and left, but then again what was she supposed to do? I'll never see her again, I know that much. But Vic... Vic was still here. I had a chance. Was I going to blow it again?

My mind was consumed of Vic for most of the week. Oli took up another big portion of it though. I was uncomfortable when I didn't hear one word from Oli. But I knew where he was; Justin told me on the phone.

"He came back to town and got into our apartment, picking up some of his stuff and then he just left." I remember Justin explaining. My heart dropped my chest to my stomach. Even though I knew he didn't want, I couldn't help but to long for him. I wondered what would've happened if we never came back. 

My phone rang, and for once my gut was right. It was Vic.

"Hello?" I said once picking up.

"Hey." He replied softly. I knew he was nervous. "Do you want to talk?" He added on. A small sad smile spread upon my lips.

"Always." And with that I hung up. Who knew if he meant on the phone or not, but I decided it was best if I just went over to see him. The walk took forever. Maybe it was anticipation, maybe it was my heart breaking, but tears formed in my eyes. Why couldn't I hold any of my emotions back? I used to be so good at it! I arrived at Vic's before I wiped at my eyes, desperate to cover up the evidence. It wasn't going to be good enough.  The door knob twisted before the door itself flew open. He stood there, tension written all over his expressions.

"We're done." I said all at once. Fear rose in him it seemed, but then confusion quickly covered it.

"W-What?" He questioned. I thought over what I said.

"Oh... I didn't mean you and I, sorry. I mean-"

"You and Oli?" He interrupted, taking the words right out my mouth. Tears formed in my eyes again. I felt a lump in my throat, so instead of verbally answering I decided to nod. Vic frowned before pulling me in, engulfing me in one of his world famous hugs. I wanted nothing more than comfort, but his was the best.

I wanted to kiss Vic, but I felt like this wasn't the time. I shouldn't resolve my problems by being a toy with someone else. Vic didn't apologize, but I didn't expect him to. Silently I knew Vic was saying "You don't need him." Or "You deserve better."

And better was him, but I don't deserve him. That's the most agitating part of this. All I've ever wanted was what my parents have; What people on the street have. I live my life in vein of everybody else. That's why I don't deserve love like that. I'm too focused on myself and if I'm not, then I'm focused in on what I want. I never seem to appreciate what I have. Like with Oli. God knows I loved Oli, but I took him for granted. The minute his words were written in stone, the minute he walked out the door and left, I realized that. Is every relationship I'm in going to be like that? Am I always going to be so conceited?

My thoughts broke as I realized I agreed to sit beside Vic on the couch. He watched me solemnly as all those thoughts raced through my head.

"Don't let this hit you too hard Kells." There he goes with his pet names again,

"Well I can't ignore it." I retaliated before wiping my eyes again.

"I know, but did you expect it to work out?" His words ignited a fire inside of me. 

"Yes, I did! Then I had to bump into you and now my life is fucked up." I yelled, but it was all a lie. I did think Oli and I were inseparable, but then I realized nothing was going to fix our problems. We were growing apart as it was. And Vic didn't fuck up my life; He made it better. He always does that. I noticed the frown appear on Vic's lips. "I'm sorry." I whispered, looking down at my feet. A few tears managed to slip past my hands and fell onto the denim of my jeans. Vic reached out to me and slipped his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"Don't. Cry." He ordered me in a soft voice. His brown eyes seemed to reflect mine. He understood what I was going through. 

What Oli did to me was what I did to him. Immediately my heart sank again. I couldn't stop the tears, it was impossible. I shook my head, pulling away from him, but he didn't leave me alone. Every time I tried to look away, he gave me a reason to look back. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here, you don't deserve me." I whispered.

"Why wouldn't I deserve you, Kellin?" He asked me. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Because I fuck everything up and you don't deserve to get your heart crushed twice. I'm just going to hurt you." 

"Kellin. Kellin open your eyes." He replied, being a little louder. I complied to his wishes. He held me there as silence filled the room. "No matter how many times you leave, no matter how many times you could hurt me, and no matter how many times you could or may break my heart, nothing would make me not like you." And everything was as clear as day after that. I accepted my feelings, I accepted everything by his very words. I believed him. I trusted him. All I had to do was close the small gap between us to explain exactly that.

"I love you." I admitted openly to Vic after pecking his lips. "I fucking love you, and I don't think I ever stopped." I added, Vic's hot breath on mine. He wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me into him. I couldn't have been any closer to him.

"I never did either." He whispered in my ear, kissing it lightly. "I've always loved you. That won't ever change." He added on. I sighed before pressing my lips to his. I wanted him to initiate, but what can I say? I was incapable of waiting for him.

His lips moved with mine for quite a long time before I pulled away just to give him a smile. But then I frowned. The moment was nice, but there was other matters to think about.

"Well that was sweet, but we really need to talk."

"About?"

"Us. What we're going to do." He nodded once catching my drift. "I can't stay here forever Vic."