Because Of The Journey.

34.

Shane's POV.

"Harder! Deeper!"

I opened an eye thinking possibly this was a dream.

"Oh my God Domo right there!"

Yeah, it wasn't no dream. This was reality. I turned to my nightstand to check what time it was. I adjusted my hand and took my phone. I immediately squinted my eyes at the brightness of my phone before seeing that it was 03:56 am. Ashley, my neighbour was the one responsible for the ugly ass moans.

I shook my head and sighed before getting up. I decided to be petty and plug on my speakers. At least if I do that, I wouldn't here Ashley moaning no more. Yes, the walls were thin but not that thin I guess she's naturally loud. I decided on 'It Was Good Until It Wasn't' by Kehlani. The first song which is Toxic came on.

I spotted my Art book by my bedroom window. I wonder how it got there. I looked for my pen after a few minutes of luck I found it. I then went by the window and sat there. It felt so good being by myself and just being mine for a moment.

I glanced up at the sky then looked at my phone realizing it was so far away. I was ready to get a couple of shots. I'm a nephophilia and taking pictures of the clouds makes me calm. If y'all didn't know my favourite colour is sky blue too.

I then opened the book and wrote:

KIND,
I was the centre of gravity,
By which I knew how to win hearts that used me to balance.

I frowned and crossed the words with my pen.
My mind then gave me an idea to write about love, I smiled and wrote:

MYSTERY OF LOVE,
The mystery of love is the ability of trust,
Holding someone's hand when you hanging on a cliff,
Knowing they won't let you go,
A safe world built for two people with genuine intentions.

I shook my head and teared the page from the book and crumpled it. Without consciousness, I held my pen:

BRITTLE,
Understand, my soulful states differ. Sometimes I feel too much and just want to be left alone -- sometimes I want to be held and babied. I know I'm like a confusing book cover with chapters that may leave your mouth wide open. I'm not broken nor hurt, I'm traumatized by words I always get to hear on a daily basis. My mind still displays the images of what happened that day, erasing the crooked smile that's mostly plastered on my face if not always.
Remember trying to forget a traumatic event is not accomplished overnight.
"Do you want to talk about it?" A question that sometimes come with genuine intentions of helping someone feel better. I just don't like it because my answer will always be a simple NO. Not that seeking help will do me no good, sometimes talking is exhausting. Explaining to get misunderstood is frustrating. It's just vague.

With that I closed my book and went to my closet. I took out some black sweat pants and a hoodie. I placed them on my bed and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I then used a face cloth to wipe my face.

"I say it umpteen times.
You think I'ma leave, but I'm never gonna jump sides.
We been on a rough ride.
Still ride shotty with a nigga through the long nights,
& it's always two rights.
Playin' games with our hands tied.
Who else can I confide in?
Don't want a war, tryna win a fight in here, you got it."

I sang along with Lucky Daye on Can You Blame Me. My favourite song on the album. Everytime this song played I pretended to be performing at a concert and yeah I hyped myself up. Tried to be sexy here and there, always keeping eye contact because I knew my eyes were the bomb! *winks.