Because Of The Journey.

46.

"I tried with you.
There's more to life than,
sleeping in and getting high with you.
I had to let go of us to show myself what I could do,
And that just didn't sit right with you.
And now you're trying to make me feel a way, on purpose. Now you throwing it back in my face, on purpose,
Now you're talking down on my name, on purpose,
And you don't feel no way, you think I deserve it."

"I'm so glad to see you", she said as I was driving us to the Great Smoky Mountains. "Me too, I missed you" I said. She then kept quiet and we continued listening to Drake's music the whole time.

"What's this place?", she asked in awe making me smile because she looked so beautiful and adorable. I parked the car and went around to open her door. "My safe haven I could say. Blacky introduced me to this place and I couldn't be more grateful." "And now you introducing it to me?", "Yes ma'am", I said kissing her cheek. "If this is how you treat your girlfriend then she's lucky", she said catching me off guard.

We got to the bench and sat down. I allowed her time to just get comfortable with her surroundings, I could see it in her eyes that she was free here unlike at that house.

"So Ma?", "Yes Shanice", she then turned to look at me. "Don't you miss painting?", I asked. It took her a couple of minutes to answer me but she finally did. "I honestly do", she smiled. "You know I felt like that was my safe place, how I got so connected to my work and the messages behind the paintings."

"Then why did you stop?", I asked. "The state of mind I was in then and the state of mind I'm in now, don't allow me to create something. Mainly because I don't want my safe place to be a place to run to. I only want it to be a place of comfort and happiness not a place to drown in my sorrows."

"I think it should be though", "Why you saying that?", she asked and I smiled. "Because I believe a safe place as you call it should be a place that knows the real you. A place that knows all your emotions because that's where you supposed to run to when you hurt and need to find yourself again." I held her hands and continued talking.

"You know how wonderful your paintings will be if you can put your pain into them?", I asked. "Well I remember getting into your room this one time and saw a written piece that said 'BE CREATIVE WITH YOUR PAIN' so I guess it could work", "Nah Ma erase the COULD and say it WILL because I know it will." She squeezed my hands and looked up to the sky. "Yow, you crying?", I asked teasingly.

"Well there's too much wind blowing in my direction, so my eyes you know", she said wiping her tears. "But honestly Shanice I'm learning so much from you and that makes me happy baby." "I'm happy that you learning something from me. You've taught me so much so this is nothing I guess", I said.

"You know it's evident that the beauty of life is learning what YOU didn't know from those who know, and teaching what you know to THOSE who didn't know", "Yeah it's indeed a beautiful thing", I said.

"Put your up hands if you love your mommy", she sang out. I laughed and raised my hands. "You listen to Mahalia now?", "Well not really", she said making us laugh.

We got quiet for a moment till I decided to ask. "Don't you miss him?", "Who?", she asked back looking at me. "Dad." She released a huge sigh, "I do. Your dad was good to me and I was good to him. But when he started the shady businesses I wasn't with it and he didn't want to listen to me. That's what started all the fights we had, he wanted me to be his Rollie", I laughed and said "It's Bonnie Ma."

"Yes his Bonnie and I wanted to be with him but not while he was shady dealing. When he got you in his business I just knew that was the end of us. I do miss him, he respected me and took good care of me but I just don't miss him like that", she finished off.

"Jason, he doesn't treat you with respect does he?" She looked away and nodded. "Then why are you still with him", I asked. "I love him Shanice", "But you know love alone isn't enough Ma", I said. "I know, trust me I do. I'll leave him", "When? Come stay with me please", I pleaded. "You already have Jessica, I don't..", "Don't worry about Jessica, Nicole took care of her", I said.

"Just be patient with me, I'll come around. Okay?", "Okay" I said nodding.

We continued talking till it was time to go. We first went to Walmart before I dropped her off because she lied to Jason and said that's where she was going. On the way to the complex I decided to listen to some D Smoke.

With artists like D Smoke and King Los, I believe you need to be open minded to a lot of things. The truth they spit will definitely want you to look more into certain topics and get a bit knowledgeable. That's how you'll be able to relate to their music, knowing that you can also have your own view about the main topic.

I played Black Habits by D Smoke featuring Jackie Gouche,

"If black music is the blood, then my heart has been beatin' more.
Rapidly, happily, I look back on Afeni Shakur,
Her son paved the way, now all eyes on me.
'Cause I'm young, black and gifted, Nina, all eyes gon' see.
If you swung back when faced with a challenge that's meant to break you, unbalanced.
Scales, you ain't average,"

I sang along till I got to the complex. I was ready to get some sleep because I needed it. I opened my door and the aroma of amazing food hit my nose. I wondered who was cooking because I didn't live with Jessica no more.

I went to the kitchen and to my surprise it was Jessica herself. "I think you know that you don't owe me anything and you not my helper, right?", I asked startling her a bit. "Yes I know, I just wanted to", she said. "Nicole opened up for me but she went out, she's coming back though", "Oh okay. Thanks again". "No problem."

I walked to my room and immediately reached under the bed to get my pills. I popped two and sat down feeling myself get calmer and more relaxed. I took another one and poured a portion of Henny into a glass. I then took back the pill container where I took it.

I smiled to myself as I was feeling like I was riding a wave. "Your girl all in a nigga wave, and now she drowning", I sang out then burst out laughing. I stood up as something hit my mind and went to Jessica.

"Yow Jess, you said your dad was in a Gang yeah?", "Yeah" she said not sure why I was asking. "Do you know what it was called maybe?", I asked again. "It has something to do with Mountains nah Rocks nah uhmm.." she closed her eyes while thinking of the name.

"Oh yeah they called themselves 'Hillside'", she said.

I smiled to myself, this should be interesting.

- 18❤.