close as strangers | calum hood

three

Jaden

I gave Milo a quick wash in the backyard after my unfortunate short walk around the beach. I rinsed off his soapy fur, then dried him with his doggy towel. Milo then shook off the rest and proceeded into my house. I rinsed off my sandy toes, and followed Milo. After putting on my indoor slippers, I locked up the backyard door and ventured to my room.

I was in no mood to see anyone.

As usual.

It was still a nice night, so I turned off the lights in my bedroom and headed for the window. I lifted the glass all the way, and climbed out onto the roof.

Ever since the boys left, I spent every night on the platform on the roof. It was a safe space for me. A place I could call mine. However, the thought that it was once ours still breaks my heart.

So I climbed onto the roof and crawled to the platform. I hugged my knees and deeply inhaled the salty air. It was chilly, and I should've brought a blanket, but it was too late at this point. I'll just freeze out here.

I sat there, wondering about the boys.

They were back in Sydney after their Meet You There tour, for their album Youngblood. Of course, they didn't tell me they were back, or even tried to plan anything with me.

It was like that when they came back from their Rock Out with Your Socks Out tour. They didn't call or anything. That's when we started drifting.

The thought that I had lost them made tears form in my eyes. I sniffled, in attempt to stop my tears, but they ended up falling anyway. I wiped them and tried to dry my eyes, but tears kept forming and falling. I accepted that I was on my roof sobbing, and let the tears fall.

Suddenly, I heard the sliding of glass from beside me, and a head poked out. I glanced over, but looked away immediately because I was crying.

It was Calum.

I was still looking away, but I knew he was crawling out. A familiar fleece blanket wrapped around my shoulders, and a familiar scent was radiating from beside me.

"I thought I heard sniffling." His low voice spoke.

I bit my lip, "You thought wrong." My voice cracked.

I was now looking down at my knees, but Calum's eyes were glued on me. I knew he was frowning. "Jade,"

"Stop, you don't get to call me that, anymore." I snapped, finally looking at him.

My eyes were watery, but the sight of him only made more tears form.

"Jaden." He said in a hushed voice.

That's when I completely broke down. I brought my sleeves to my face, and started crying. Calum wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me onto him. My small figure was resting on his lap, and I began crying into his shoulder, my tears soaking his sweater material.

He began stroking my hair, which was soothing, but his compassion only made me cry more. This is what we could've had.

Eventually, my crying slowed. I was now sniffling, tears silently rolling down my cheeks. My head was glued to Calum's shoulder, and I was inhaling his familiar scent. I always loved his scent.

"I remember when we first discovered this place." Calum hummed in my ear.

I waited for him to continue.

"We were in your room," He chucked. "Maybe 10 years old?"

I nodded, agreeing with the age he had guessed.

"Yeah, 10. The sun was setting and you wanted a better view of it, so we opened your window all the way. You started leaning out, then I had the brilliant idea of climbing onto the roof. You were so scared." He laughed, the beautiful sound ringing in my ears.

"I was scared of falling." I muttered.

"I wouldn't let it happen." He replied. "But when I climbed out first, I saw this little platform. So I crawled to it. You didn't want to follow me, but I reached out and you took my hand. We spent the entire sunset here." Calum reminisced.

I looked up at the boy, and his eyes were wandering along the beach.

He was still my beautiful boy.

Calum's eyes landed on me. He smiled sadly and wiped my tears.

"The next day I found out that my window also lead to this platform. So I asked you to meet me here, and I brought your favourite chips so we could hang out here." He smiled at the memory.

"You told me you were cold, so I brought this blanket."

My fingers were running against the fabric of the fleece blanket. Oh, the times we've had.

"Since then, I always brought this blanket up here with me."

I bit my lip. I missed the times we had.

I guess we both got caught up in our thoughts, but silence fell upon us. My eyes were fixated on the stars in the sky as I thought about the past few years. How the boys left to follow their dreams, but forgot about me along the way. Calum said he would never forget me, but after their tour, he stopped looking for me.

"I'm sorry we never called." Calum finally said.

"Don't apologize for the choices you made. You should apologize for the feelings you hurt." I muttered, suddenly not wanting to be there.

I didn't want a half-assed apology. So I climbed off his lap, let the blanket fall off from my shoulders, and I retreated back into my house. I closed the window and immediately flopped onto my bed.

It was nice that he was there for me to cry to, but that's all it was. I wasn't interested in talking.

I don't know if I could forgive them.

As I laid on my bed, I felt a vibration from my phone. It was odd, because I don't usually get notifications. I brought my phone to my face and unlocked it, checking the notification. It was a text.

cal: if i'm honest, every tour has been amazing.

cal: surrounded by all the fans, friends, so many people.

cal: so. many. people.

cal: but i'll admit, i feel alone.

cal: tonight i didn't.