Lady Hope of Middle Earth

Chapter 20: Legolas Hears My Self-Doubt

Hope's POV:

Once I have collected everything I climb on my horse and ride just out of the city gates. There Leoglas and Gimli are, waiting for the King and Aragorn. "What is wrong Hope?" Legolas asks me, concerned. "Nothing. I'm fine." "You are lying. Tell me what bothers you." He says.

"I said I'm fine. Besides what is bothering me is stupid and not worth the trouble." I say. He gives me a knowing look. "You are my friend and what bothers you bothers me. Now tell me what troubles you." He sats. I sigh and run a hand through my messy hair.

"I saw Aragorn and Eowyn having a conversation earlier in the stables and they were standing a little too close. Like I said it's nothing, just me being insecure." I say, shaking it off. "Oh, Lady Eowyn? I saw her and Aragorn sparing in the Grand Hall right before I came here." Gimli says.

Another pang hits my heart. "What?" I ask. Legolas glares at Gimli. "It's nothing Hope, believe me. They were just sparing, nothing else." Legolas reassures. I let out a breath and nod. "You're right." I say. "I mean this is the most respectful way, but do you trust him?" Legolas asks.

I nod immediately. "Of course I  do. I trust him more than anyone." "Then why do you doubt him?" I let out a sigh and look down. I could never doubt Aragorn, but I can always doubt my self worth and that is my biggest issue.

"I don't doubt him, it's just I've never really been in love before and it scares me. I'm scared because every time I've liked someone something ends up happening and they either let me down or are stripped away from me." I say. His eyebrows scrunch together. "How so?"

"My first boyfriend, or guy I liked, got my mom killed and almost got me killed." I say. His eyes widen. "Yeah, I know, he used me then his mom killed mine. The the next guy forgot about my existence when I jumped into Malivore. I just don't have the best luck with men." I explain.

He reaches out and takes my hand in his, squeezing it. "I am truly sorry Hope. My question to you though is why do you fear that you will lose him? He's undeniably in love with you. Why do you fear he will become another man who has wronged you?" He asks.

"I have trouble seeing my self worth. I have since I was a kid. My dad left me when I was seven to protect me, but when I was nine he stopped communicating with me altogether. He made up for it in the end, but still. Everyone leaves. I learned that at a young age." He furrows his brows.

"When my mom and dad died I stopped letting people in. I pushed people away and told myself I'd rather be feared than loved because then I have less to lose. I can go into a fight and not care because if I die no one will mourn me and I have no one else that I could lose."

He grips my hand tighter. "When I came here I found myself amongst immortal beings in a place where all seemed peaceful. I thought that since there is no danger and my friends cannot die from age I could let people in again." "You can." He reassures me. I let out a breathy laugh.

"Yeah, well now we're about to ride into a trap and I can't do anything to stop it. It's been so long since I've had so much to lose and it terrifies me. I'm not used to that feeling. In my world I am the most powerful creature, but here I'm just a spec on the map." I say, looking up at him finally.

He has a look of sorrow on his face. "I'm sorry for putting all this on you all at once." I say, shaking my head. "No, no, I do not mind, please, finish." He says. I nod and continue with what I'm getting at.

"I trust Aragorn as I told you. I guess that I just think that I'm not worth staying for and then I'll not only lose the man I love, but my best friend. I'm scared of losing him, of losing all of you." I finish. He squeezes my hand once more. "Do not worry my friend, you will not lose us, any of us."

I smile sadly. "But can you promise me that?" I ask. He opens his mouth but does not speak. Knowing my answer I let go of his hand. Just as I do Aragorn and the King ride up to us. Finally we can leave. Let's just get this over with.

Aragorn has this strange look on his face and he is staring at the space between mine and Legolas's horses. Once the King is in the lead we set off. I stay behind, making sure everyone is ok. Aragorn finds his way to my side. "Hey, are you alright? You ran off in a hurry earlier." He says.

I give him a tight lipped smile. "I'm fine." I say. "What were you and Legolas talking about earlier?" He asks. "Uh, nothing. I was just talking about home. He was comforting me, nothing more. I promise." I say, smiling. He smiles back. "Good, so you are ok then?" He asks.

"Of course." With that we continue out ride in silence, never leaving each other's side. At one point we are riding behind Gimli and Eowyn. He is explaining to her about dwarf women. At one point she looks back at Aragorn. He makes a beard gesture and both of us smile at this.

I've grown better at this. I've pushed aside my jealousy a little bit. I actually had a conversation with Eowyn a few miles back. She's a very sweet woman. Suddenly Gimli's horse takes off and he falls right off. I laugh along with everyone around me. Poor guy. The King rides up next to us.

"I haven't seen my niece smile in a long time. She was a girl when they brought her father back dead. Cut down by orcs. She watched as her mother succumbed to grief. Then she was left alone to attend too her King in growing fear." I glance at Eowyn with more understanding now.

"Doomed to wait upon an old man who should have loved her as a father." He says. Maybe I've judged her too quickly.