Do you know who I am? | Yungi

Thank You! (Q&A)

First of all I just really want to thank everyone who has read this past, present, and future. I've realized through this that my words have an affect on people and it's been especially valuable writing this story. Now if you have any questions leave it here, I'll answer everyone, I have time these days haha.

So I just wanted to touch on some of my goals with this story. At first I wanted to do a creepy insane asylum vibe, so Mingi was going to slowly start killing people at the asylum and Yunho would eventually solve the case and their romance wasn't going to be very real, so I scratched that. I like the direction I took it because I didn't want to make their relationship so toxic that Mingi would have to force him every step of the way. 

I take a lot of inspiration from their real life friendship, I don't support sexualizing idols outside of fiction, so please understand that as this is a work of fiction, this isn't how I view either of them or any ATEEZ member. They deserve our respect because they work hard to produce music that heals us and performances which inspire us. I truly don't think I'd be where I am today without them as my support. 

At the beginning Mingi was sort of forceful, but I wanted to make him like that because to him he had to wait a very long time to finally see Yunho, and I tried to show his built up frustration. I absolutely hate the stereotype people put on Mingi that he's the dumbest ATEEZ member (it is absolutely ridiculous, he learns dance routines, writes his own rap lyrics, creates his own music, is able to communicate his thoughts and performances with emotion and intelligence. Not a single ATEEZ member should ever be called dumb), so I made sure to touch on how intelligent he is through this story by using the poem he was reading to Yunho in the first warehouse, how he communicated about feelings with Yunho. Overall Mingi was probably the most emotionally healthy in the story, despite a lot of his trauma. 

I couldn't use a lot from Yunho's real personality simply because he is a much happier and enthusiastic person in real life, so I modeled him somewhat off my own feelings, but also of any career driven young person who sort of lost themselves in the chaos of things. I find that while he suffered a lot through his experience with Mingi and losing him, he would inevitably gain more because he knew him. That's why I chose a sadder ending because I felt like it would stick with all of you longer. 

I used this story as a way to tie in a lot of social messages about mental health because I feel like even though as a society we have grown to talk about it more and accept it more, there are still so many people silently suffering. When, at the end of the day everyone is suffering in their own way, and no one should ever be shamed for feeling sad. Yunho had a goal in mind to improve the quality of life of people deemed 'crazy' because feeling a certain way should never result in punishment. 

So when mental issues are left untouched and ignored, that's when serial killers emerge, and people who commit crimes either out of their own awareness, or in order to gain control because they feel so out of control. They are not evil...their actions are evil, and there is a distinction there. I full heartedly think that if mental health was always addressed everywhere and embraced and every child had an opportunity to access it, there would be less crime. I touched on mental asylum conditions in a previous chapter, but to reiterate, it's awfully sad that people who were put there against their control are treated terribly for no reason except their mental health. While a lot of wards are much better than others, it is still an issue, and people don't like to advocate for 'crazy' people. 

Some regrets I have after finishing this, though I probably won't go in and change anything, is some of the character developments. I think I was able to express what I wanted to with Yunho and Mingi as well as Yeosang, Seonghwa, and maybe San, but the rest fell short and I want to apologize to you for that. In an ideal world I would have been able to help you all to connect with Hongjoong so that his final moments on the rooftop would be sad all the way around, I only enjoy villains who I can connect with. 

There is also some striking connections I made with this as I chose Hongjoong to be the killer somewhat earlier on, and he just released his Black and White cover originally by Michael Jackson. Hongjoong is my role model in life, and he is everything the world needs right now, tying in social messages flawlessly while respecting the culture behind it, and striving for peace. He could not be a better leader for ATEEZ, he is honestly the most inspirational person I've seen in Kpop and that is no exaggeration. People like to say that ATEEZ never struggled, and while KQ is an amazing entertainment company, Kpop training is still Kpop training. They all had to work super hard, sacrifice a lot, and suffer a lot, in order to be the idols they are today. And they emerged successful because of hard work, not privilege. 

I am somewhat new to writing as far as actual fiction is concerned, so the fact that all of you have been reading this absolutely blows my mind. It's making this whole quarantine thing a lot easier to bare, so thank you for that. Thank you also for checking out my other works, that means a lot as well. I only work to be better every time I write, and I hope I can create a lot of great stories during my time here on Wattpad. 

Either way, I'm really glad I stuck with this. I think it was chapter ten I was about to scrap the entire thing, so this is good. My third completed book, and I just want to say to anyone who is struggling to find a purpose right now during everything that's been happening, the act of completing something can make you feel better in an instant. And it really doesn't have to be big. Please stay strong for me, and you all can talk to me if you need help with anything big or small. I want to be able to comfort people, and even though this book was sad, I hope it brought you some hope.

<3 Love you all, I really do