A Life Worth Living (Aizawa x OC)

25 - Impatience And Curiosity

Recovery Girl basically had forced me to stay at home for the rest of the week because apparently, I should take it easy. She bugged the shit out of me until I promised to stay at home, but I surely wasn't content with that decision she had forced on me. But there was one thing I knew about confrontations with Chiyo - resistance is futile. I felt like a little kid that was grounded for fucking up. The only difference was that I didn't do anything wrong and there was absolutely no reason for her to activate the overprotective mode she was currently in.

I mean, it's not like I am a super busy person anyway, so I shouldn't complain that much about having to stay at home. However, I faced the same problem as a few months ago when I first moved in here. The boredom mixed up with loneliness and both together were a super toxic combination for me - something I wanted to avoid at all costs, but dance sessions, playing the piano, and binge-watching series and movies soon got boring and repetitive. No matter how hard I tried to avoid it, my mind started to work overtime, repeating the events of Friday night again and again.

That's why I used all the time I had at my hand to visit Kaito again. At first, I was hesitant because visiting the graveyard automatically triggered memories of the lunatic that had just tried to kill me, but I forced myself out of my comfort zone. The only difference to my regular visits was that this time I wasn't running there. It's not like I wasn't fit enough to do so, but I just wasn't in the mood. I took my time to stroll there and I planted my ass on the ground in front of Kaito. I reluctantly told him about my Friday night adventure and ended my monologue with a long-drawn sigh.

"That's what you get when you're a naïve piece of shit that blindly trusts people."

I spent the whole Monday afternoon at the graveyard in front of Kaito's grave. It was quiet, only a few visitors now and then, and I felt comfort there - more than at home. I only went back home because my stomach signalized me with a desperate and loud rumbling noise that it was time to eat something.

At home, my mood immediately went south again. The only exception was a short moment of pure bliss when I enjoyed the pizza I had ordered.

As if it wasn't bad enough that I had to think about Friday pretty much all the time, my thoughts also regularly circled back to Aizawa, and these thoughts were always accompanied by a feeling of painful embarrassment. I woke up on Monday morning, wrapped in a blanket on the sofa. I couldn't even remember when he had left the evening before and I considered the possibility that I had fallen asleep while he had been talking. Honestly, I couldn't tell. The only thing I truly could remember was that I had been tired as fuck, but his presence had been comforting. That's why I had wanted him to stay as long as possible. It was also nice to get to know him better. When he had warmed up to someone, he apparently wasn't as indifferent and unfazed as usual.

But there was something he had said to me, two times already, that was stuck in my head. Talk to someone. The way he had phrased it - It may really help. Bottling it all up won't end well. It never does. He had sounded genuine as if he was speaking out of experience. His words had managed to get me contemplating about finally opening up to Chiyo about what had happened that night one year ago.

I mean, it's already been a year...and maybe Aizawa's right? I don't know. Maybe it helps. What is the worst thing that could happen? Oh fuck. What if I end up relapsing and everything was for nothing? Or it is actually a solid and good idea and it helps. Yeah...no. Fuck it. I should do it. I should totally do it. But then again, it will be the first time that I talk about...all of this. Do I really want to do that? No. No buts and excuses anymore. I should do it. I do it. I get my lazy ass up and I'll talk to Chiyo. It will hurt, but maybe I can come to a closure. I've already made more progress than expected.