Habits Of My Heart

Part 6

No One Compares To You

Alex pulls open the gate, and moves to the side.

"Ladies first."

I smile sweetly at him as I walk through, pulling him in after me. I realise that this entire time we've been holding hands. If anyone else I knew or just met tried to do that, I would definitely fucking have a go.

I'm trying to comprehend the weird ass emotions flowing through my body. I've managed to convince myself that I've started to like Alex. However, considering how many times I've watched countless people go down that road and it crashes and burns, I decide to blame the drugs and alcohol and that I don't actually feel what it seems.

Tonight has been the first night in years that I've gone out without the sole purpose of getting drunk or high. I'm having fun. I feel like I'm out of my zone yet I feel comfortable. This stranger who sat and watched the stars with me only a few hours ago is now fucking about in a park with me.

The first thing that catches my eyes when we enter the park are the swing sets just beside us. Alex registers my huge ass smile and pulls me over to them. I sit on the end swing as Alex stands behind me and pushes me.

I burst out into a fit of laughter at the cute and childlike action.

Holy fuck did I just say cute? What the fuck.

Alex stops pushing me and sits on the swing next to me as we compete to see who can go the highest. After a while we have to stop as we both feel as though we'll throw up the recently consumed alcohol, which I don't want to do again.

We stay put on the swings as I push myself around with my feet. I decide to clear the air from what I said earlier, I feel an unusual connection and sense of trust with Alex so I take a chance and tell him what I've been hiding from so many people for so long.

"What I said earlier, about my dad, I'd like to explain."

"You don't have to if you don't feel comfortable. I can tell from the fact you stopped midsentence that it's a touchy subject."

"It is, but I'd like to think that I can trust you enough with this. Our budding 4-hour long friendship proves that."

I try to lighten the tension which seems to work as Alex chuckles at my joke. I sigh and look at the ground before continuing. I hope trusting him doesn't backfire in my face.

"It's kind of a long story, but it all started when my mum got a new job at this newspaper printing company. My dad was a chef and worked at this Italian restaurant and every lunchtime he would bring some food to my mum and they would eat together. That was until my mum started eating lunch with her asshole coworker Devin. She started to spend more time with him, she ditched my dad for lunch, she would "work late" and barely ever be home. My dad eventually had enough of her shit and went down to her office during her lunch break and barged into her office. He saw my mum whilst she was having an affair with Devin. My dad lost it, and I mean fucking lost it. He brutally beat Devin to death and was sent to jail the next day and he's now serving a life sentence. That was 11 years ago, I was 6 years old."

I look back up at Alex, his eyebrows are raised and he looks like he's just seen a ghost. We sit in silence for a few minutes until he finally speaks.

"Holy fuck. I'm not gonna lie that's not what I was expecting but... Holy fuck. Are you okay? I'm sure that must not have been easy to say."

"I've had a lot of time to process it. Please don't tell anyone, no one else knows but you. I'm not sure why I told you, you just seem... different."

"Different?"

"Like I can trust you."

Alex puts his hand on my knee and gives me a reassuring smile

"I won't tell anyone. I promise. I'm glad you can trust me. You can tell me anything, I'm here. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm okay, I've had a lot of time to get used to it. I don't like to tell people because I feel like it's going to make them judge me."

"I'm not judging you. Why would people judge that?"

"Clearly you haven't been at WES for long. Literally if anyones traumatic past gets revealed it spreads around the school like wildfire. I haven't even told my friends, they're even worse with gossip."

"Surely they shouldn't be your friends if they would judge you for shit like that. I can tell you now that I don't think of you any differently."

"It's all about social status at WES. Its like you can trade trauma for popularity or some shit. Everyone's a backstabbing bitch, minus the few actual decent people."

"Are you one of those decent people?"

"I'd like to think I am, but in reality I'm as much of a cunt as everyone else."

"You don't seem it."

"That's the thing though. I have no clue why I didn't tell you to fuck off earlier. I know that sounds harsh but I'm never like that. It's always been me and I hate getting close to people, it just makes it seem like I'm intruding on their lives. I keep to myself and push everyone away, its easier that way, you dont have to go through any more trauma or bullshit if it's only you."

"What made you change your mind about me?"

I sigh and stare bleakly at the ground. The thing is I have no fucking clue what makes Alex separate from everyone else.

"I have no fucking clue."

I'm still worried about Alex's reaction to my dad, he knows what happened but there's still so much to the story that he doesn't know. I want to tell him but I barely know him. I've let my guard down too much for one night. Despite that I'm still concerned that he still sees me in the same light as he did when we first met.

"You really don't think of me any differently?"

"You're still that gorgeous, mysterious girl that I saw in the garden and just had to talk to."

I playfully gasp and look at Alex. He thinks I'm gorgeous? Suddenly an idea comes into my head that I just cannot ignore. I dig my hands into my pockets and pull out a small bag.

"Tell me Alex, would you accept this gorgeous girls offer to get high?"