Habits Of My Heart

Part 10

Back To You

I follow Alex down the corridor yet again and into the door directly at the end. My mouth falls to the floor at the sight of his room. Mainly his bed. It's huge. Like that's gotta be at least a queen size. Next to the door there's a burnt-charcoal grey sofa and a desk. The room is relatively small compared to the size of the rest of the apartment, most likely due to the bed taking up most of the space. Opposite the door I entered there's a wardrobe and another door, leading to an ensuite bathroom.

I focus on the window directly above Alex's bed, the moonlight shines straight through the window, broken apart by the branches of the tree outside. We're on the third floor and there's still trees.

What is it with this town and huge motherfucking trees?

Alex takes the milk from my hands and places the glasses on the desk beside the cookies.

"It's nothing special but it's comfortable." He shrugs.

"Nothing special?!" I scoff. "Dude I'd give anything to have a room like this."

I spin and take in the entire room. As my head tilts up I catch onto the strip lights stuck onto the edge of ceiling.

"Oh shittt. You have led lights, that's so fucking cool."

Alex picks up a small remote off the desk and chucks it at me. It's the remote to the lights. I flick through all the colours and finally choose the setting that fades from each colour into the next. This room is heaven for someone who's tripping. So me. And Alex.

I go to the put the remote down and remember how sticky my hands are from the squirty cream earlier. I wipe down the remote on my jeans and ask Alex to use his bathroom.

"You don't have to ask." he chuckles as I playfully roll my eyes.

I wash my hands and my face to combat the stickiness, its the same coconut soap. Yum. As I'm drying my hands Alex enters the bathroom with a shirt and some shorts.

"I got some of my clothes, you can wear them tonight if you want. I figured jeans and a sticky shirt wouldn't be too comfortable."

I giggle as I take the clothes and thank Alex. He goes back into the bedroom as I push the door shut, not completely, but enough to have some privacy.

I change into the shirt and try to put the shorts on but they keep falling and I eventually give up. The shirt is  baggy enough so I decide to leave it.

Alex eyes linger on my body for a moment too long as I come out of the bathroom. He manages to realise as he clears his throat and turns away.

"Was there something wrong with the shorts?"

He asks, still turned away from me.

"They were too big. The shirts big enough so it's okay. Thanks though."

"No problem."

I stand there for a moment and feel a little uneasy for the first time in Alex's company.

"Do you want me to put my jeans back on?"

I worry that he's too uncomfortable with me in such little clothing and start to feel quite insecure.

"Oh no. I mean um, I don't mind if you just wanna wear the shirt I just don't want you to think I'm a perv if I look."

He turns back towards me, still avoiding my gaze and walks closer to me. I smile at his politeness. His stammering really is quite cute.

"You can look, I don't mind. And I don't think you're a perv."

He sits on the sofa and I join him, reaching over to place the plate of cookies inbetween us. As I sit, Alex hands me my glass of milk. I figure that silence will be awkward so I decide to make conversation.

"So, what brought you to town?"

I immediatly regret asking the question after Alex looks at me with such a hurt face. I really should stop being so nosy.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to pry, I was just trying to make conversation." My voice turns into a slight squeak nearer the end of my sentence.

"Don't be sorry, it's kind of a really long story, also I don't know if it would make you uncomfortable if I told you. "

"Alex a few hours ago I literally told you that my dad is a murderer. Try me."

He seems to contemplate his decisions  before placing his half eaten cookie on the plate and his glass on the floor. I do the same, I can't help feeling that this just got serious quite fast. He sighs and rubs his hands on his jeans before speaking again.

"Its not really as long of a story as I said but most of the time when I try and speak about it, it takes me a long time to get it out. Its a painful subject for me."

I place my hand on his to show him that I'm here and hopefully provide some comfort. I'm not sure what Alex is about to tell me but I already know I'm here for him.

"It happened about a year ago, me, my mom and my dad moved into a new house a few hours away from here and it was a really nice place. What we didn't know was that there was something wrong with some part of the electrical system in the house or the wiring or something I'm not sure. All I know is that the landlord who sold it to us knew and he refrained from telling us."

Alex stops talking and runs his hands through his hair in frustration. I pull it back down gently so both of his hands are in mine.

"The first night we stayed there, a fire started."

Alex swallows as his voice starts to break whilst he speaks. I have a feeling I know where this is going and my heart is already breaking for Alex.

"I had snuck out that night and gone to see my friends and my dad was working a night shift. When the fire started my mum went looking for me..."

Alex tries to speak again but his voice is breaking and his eyes are tearing up. His lip trembles as his continues to speak.

"When she couldn't find me, she searched the entire house and got stuck in the basement. By the time I got home, I saw the fire department wheeling her out in a body bag."

The tears start to fall from Alex's eyes as he pulls his hands away to cover his face.

"It was my fault." He sobs. "If I had stayed home she would have gotten out safely. I killed my mum."

Alex is breaking down in front of me and I feel terrible for him.