Alone In The Big Leagues

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

       

I wake and just lay in my bed. I have placed the picture face down on my bed side table. I didn't want to remember. I just wanted the pain to go away.

   

    I hear a knock on my door, but I don't respond to it. I just lay in bed, staring at the wall. The door opens and Alley walks in, quietly shutting the door behind her. 

   

    "I brought you some food." She sets the trey down. "I made your favorite, buttermilk pancakes." She looks at me with sad eyes. "Baby, I know it hurts, but we are going to get through it." She grabs my hand and grips it tightly.

       

I shake my head and look at her. "It's going to be a long time before anything gets better," I say to her in a sad and broken tone.

   

    "I know baby, but we can get through this. Together." Just then, the door is opened and in walks my father.

        "Alley please go clean your mess up in the kitchen." She nods her head and walks from the room. My father looks at me. "We are going to bury him today if you would like to say your goodbyes." With that, he walks out of the door, slamming it behind him.

        I would cry, but I have no tears left. I feel completly drained. I pick up the plate of Buttermilk panckes that Alley had made for me. They are soaked in syrup. Just the way I like them. When I take a bite, I taste nothing. I don't taste the sweet taste of the syrup or the fluffiness of the pancakes. Nothing.

        I finish my dull plate of pancakes and find my way out of my bed. I walk to my closet and find a tie dye shirt that I have. 

        I slip that on then walk over to my dresser to find my simple black leggings. My eyes land on another pair of pants I really didn't want to see right now.

        I gently pick up my riding pants and hold them in my hands. I hug them tightly to my chest, letting the leggings fall to the floor. I look down at the bottom of my dresser. Sure enough at the side are my two pairs of riding boots. My everyday riding and training boots sit next to my competition boots for shows. The sight pains me, so I look away quickly. But the pain stays. I gently put my pants back into the dresser and turn away.

        My door opens again and my mother walks in. She looks up from her phone and then at me. Her eyes narrow. "Well look at you, all colorful and what not. Put some black clothes on and come down stairs!" She slams the door as she leaves my room. Tears pour down my cheeks as I think about what she just said to me. I would not put on something different. I wouldn't. I don't want to think of Zane's life as something dark and gloomy. 

        I wipe my eyes and open my door slowly. I get down stairs and see both of my parents, Alley and a few people I don't know. My eyes land on Mr. Alsworth, who looks at me with a face full of sorrow. I didn't want his pity, I didn't want anyones pity. I look at my mother, who looks back at me with a hard face.

        I walk through the open door and walk through our huge backyard. All the way in the back is the tombstone and the dirt that was dug up, then patted back down.

        I stop and stare down at the stone, reading it. The stone has Zane's name, all the shows that we have won together, the day we got him, and the day he died. I hear footsteps behind me and now a hand on my shoulder. I don't even try to stop the tears. Without even thinking, I fall to my knees and hug the stone, sobbing. My beautiful baby. My Zane. Gone. All gone. Why? Why did this happen? My face is soaked in tears and they fall onto my baby's stone. His death mark. 

        I feel a hand on my arm that harshly pulls me up. "No, no, no!" I cry out. "Don't take me away from him! Not again!"

        "Oh stop your crying! Get up! Get up!" my mothers harsh words sound in my ears. I shake my head in protest.

         "No" I choke the words out. My arm is burning from all of her pulling.

        "I said get up! He's gone! He's dead and you can't do anything about it! Move on with your life, your making a fool out of you, your father, and I!"

        I shake my head again, still clinging to the stone. "No! He's here! He's here! He's right here!" I feel cool hands on my arms.

        "Honey he's gone, you have to let go now." Alley's soft voice is just a whisper in my ears.

        Slowly, she pries my hands from the stone. I can no longer speak. The tears and all my sorrow takes over. My father comes and picks me up, taking me into the house.

        Night falls and I still lay in my bed, where they put me after they took me away from Zane's stone. I don't even think as I climb out of bed and walk to the backyard only taking a blanket. My feet are bare and I walk to him. I walk to Zane.

        I reach the grave and curl up against it, pressing my face to the cold stone. I wrap the blanket around me and close my eyes.

   

    Sleep soon comes over me and, for once, since the day Zane died, I sleep peacefully.