wandering romance.

four - i desired.

i.  maybe it's just my lonely heart but i think i'm falling in love with someone who isn't you.

ii.  she told me that she promises to stay, but how long would it be before she does the same thing you do?

iii.  things are moving fast.

iv.  been a year, she talks about children, which is something i thought i'd never have with someone who wasn't you.

v.  she finds pictures of me and you and asks me who you were. " a friend, " i replied.

vi.  she tells me that she wants me to meet her parents. i wonder what they'll say when they see a vanilla boy instead of a chocolate man.

vii.  they look at me hesitantly and i know they do not approve. i try to smile and push the memories i had with your mother away. 

viii.  her father is sweet, but i know he doesn't want me there.

ix.  what do i think about having kids, she asks again. i don't know what to say so i don't reply. she gets mad and walks off. i begin to think of you and how much you never seemed to gravitate towards that topic. and it was then i realized that you might've never wanted kids... with me.

x.  she's been gone for three days. i try to call her but she wouldn't answer. why does this give me bitter memories of the day you left me?

xi.  she told me she wanted kids and i told her i didn't know if i wanted them as well.

xii.  let's focus on ourselves, was what i told her. hopefully that'll pacify her. 

xiii.  we go to the gardens where she admires a small rose, she holds her tummy and tells me that she wants her child to be as elegant but spiteful as a rose. i wonder why.

xiv.  for weeks she holds her tummy and sigh happily. i do not want her to know that i think she might be carrying a child. my child.

xv. she tells me that she's pregnant, and she wants me to know that i'm the father. i am stunned even though i knew for a while. i tell her i do and she says nothing but laugh.

xvi.  she starts blooming as the little one grows more. she tells me that she loves me and kisses me. i can still taste the strawberries she craves and i smile, gently holding back tears. maybe i would be a good father.

xvii.  she stopped cooking and for the first time realization hit me that there would be a little one who was an offspring of me and her.

xviii.  she talked to me about marriage. i don't know if i can commit and i don't tell her that i sometimes think of you when i lay awake at night.

xix.  she's a beautiful carrier and she looks heavenly, with her chocolate skin which glows when she thinks about the fruit that grows inside her.

xx.  it'll soon be delivery time. she tells me she needs to go to the supermarket to get baby supplies. i wait and wait but she doesn't show up. i hear the doorbell ring and i see two men who come to tell me that my little chocolate skinned beauty is no more.