four.

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"It's been six months, I miss you so much." I let out a shaky breath, trying to hold back tears, "I know you said we're through, but there's still so much I want to share with you.

You're so special to me, Ashton. Life without you is hell. Literal hell. I know it's been a while, but I still feel the same. Even if you don't." I sniffle, pulling the phone away from my face. I don't want Ashton to hear me crying. I don't want to seem anymore pathetic than I already am.

"I..." I close my eyes, trying to stop crying and speak properly. But I can't. And that's beyond frustrating, so I hang up. I hang up feeling worse than I felt before. I thought leaving a voicemail would help me, but it did the opposite. It made me feel worse.

I throw my phone on my bed and go to my desk in the corner of my room. Beside my desk, there's a window. I look out of it to see that the sun is setting, making my room dim. I sigh, sit down at my desk, and turn on the lamp that sits in the corner of my desk. It shines down on my notebook.

I got this notebook when I was 10. My mom gave it to me, hoping it would lighten my depression I had due to things with school. I haven't used it since middle school, but I think I'll rip those pages out and excuse them from existence.

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