This is a message,
To all of my fans..
Why is life depressin?
Out of my hands.
Seems I fake a smile...
To be a "man".
Yeah.
And when I wake up, I tell myself the possibilities of my mental.
But than I go right back to being trapped inside my mind.
I write these words hoping people will tell me I'm special.
Yet I feel stupid now. What was it I was tryna find?
After I write a depressing song, it's like I get PTSD. I cant pick up the pencil.
I get to wrapped up in my rap and the emotion behind my words.
And when I go back to re-read it, I get goosebumps and I tremble.
I cry my eyes outs just trying to finish a song, even a verse.
But this is my mental, therapy... so this is essential.
So now I'm sitting in room, stuck in a loop.
And this quarantine, it makes me feel even more stuck. Trapping my potential.
I FEEL STUCK! Like I cannot move... I stuck on blue... on the Rubix cube.
Drowning in my thoughts, yall ain't deep as me, yall ain't on my level.
I cannot work? I cannot pay my Bill's, that's what I ima-gine.
Used to be reckless with money but now I gotta grip.
But I still feel like not being able to afford my rent is som that can
hap-pun. (Happen)
Speaking up about all the problems and they tell me to zip my lip.
And the government talk talk talks but dont talk act-tion
So now we dont know if we being told the truth or just lies...
So now eveyone hoards the stores and starts to pa-nuc. (Panic)
And now the we gotta stay at home order, but nobody tries.
This virus is more than we as humans can fa-thom.
I CANT FIGHT THIS AGONY IVE TRIED!
CANT BEAT THIS GUY IN MY MIND!
THIS IS DYSPHORIA!
I CANT FIGHT THIS AGONY IVE TRIED!
CANT BEAT THIS GUY IN MY MIND!
Wait... hear it? TICK TICK, I think my time is coming.
TICK TICK. Wait this is not supposed to be part of the process.
TICK TICK. Cant tell if that's a clock now or my heart thunping.
TICK TICK, Worked so hard I guess here goes all my progress.
SLIT SLIT, Now I'm losing it, so I pick up the blade and start cutting.
DO IT! DO IT! But I know that this is enabadeable, I can't stop it!
DO IT DO IT! Now I'm on the roof of my building and I might be jumping.
HAHA, DO IT! SHUTUP! The voices are outta pocket.
HELLO! Now Agonys wide awake, This depression got Agony summoned.
TICK TICK, I been dodging and swinging, my knuckles are bloody.
DO IT DO IT! Now I'm taking a step all of a sudden.
DO IT DO IT! But My names Dysphoria, so I'm Dysphoric, so Hi Agony! Hi buddy!
TICK TICK DO IT DO IT, SLIT SLIT, QUICK QUICK, MINDS RUNNING!
Than I get a text from Dad, "How you doin" I replied, I'm fine.
Now I hide, petrified, in my mind, past reminds!
Than I thought I should text him, Imagine being one of my parents-now.
Holding me back from greatness, Becuase you "caring bout"
You're child's future. But what that matter to you? Me feeling-down.
But that's because of the parentals capturing my mental, being-round,
You people mad me feel stuck. Now I look actchu like you a goof.
Cause you cant hold this pen back, now I'm on the Loose!
AYE.
I CANT FIGHT THIS AGONY IVE TRIED!
CANT BEAT THIS GUY IN MY MIND!
THIS IS DYSPHORIA!
I CANT FIGHT THIS AGONY IVE TRIED!
CANT BEAT THIS GUY IN MY MIND!
Now lemme tell you about the fame to my name, that I'm hearin'-bout.
People commenting I'm amazing, I got the meanest-mouth.
Now they seek me out, and say I'm the goat, whatchu all speaking-about?
I'm feeling unworthy to the compliments, now my confidence is bleeding-out.
Wow, that's crazy now, you all seem to be impressed?
Now the pressure is on, now I have to be better... here comes the stress.
Why do I still feel like you dont think its enough, when I give my best?
Why do I live this life so pessimistic, Why is life a mess?
Now the doctor finally telling me it's not puberty, and that I'm depressed.
Yeah, no shit. Now he gives me some pills and tells me to go home and rest.
But Anxiety tells me to work, replacing my heart with a pain in my chest.
So now I'm writing away, my thoughts are loud, and my hands shake.
Death is starting to seem so profound,
My mind starts to break.
Adhd got my hand digging into the page.
Now my hand starts to ache.
Now I look into the mirror, woah, wait who is that in the mirror?!
That's you man, Cmon now what do you mean?
I grab a rag and the windex, I need to see more clear.
Theres now way that this man staring back is me!
When did I get these cuts? Where did myself go?
You have always looked like this, wait you ain't know?
Well, I guess nows the time to tell you I made sure you're pain is subtle. (Ok)
Hi! I'm Agony, I'm the reason why you a puzzle.
Hi! I'm Dysphoria, basically means my thoughts are trouble.
Lemme take you out D, show you where we gonna cuddle.
Wait, this looks like a grave, and there is a shovel.
....(wakes up)
(Laying in bed, sweating from an intense dream, in my dark bedroom)
...
Waking up... to the same struggle.
I CANT FIGHT THIS AGONY IVE TRIED!
CANT BEAT THIS GUY IN MY MIND!
THIS IS DYSPHORIA!
I CANT FIGHT THIS AGONY IVE TRIED!
CANT BEAT THIS GUY IN MY MIND!
