50 Shades of Sohma

Chapter 1: Kyo's Embarrassing Accident

A/N: Warning: This is not supposed to be good. I'm writing this for my own enjoyment and uploading it...just because I can. It's a pretty crappy fanfic, but it's funny.

It's more of a 'let's just get ideas flowing by writing down weird random stuff' story. No planning or deleting, just putting hilariously rediculous words on a page. (:

Warning #2: There are some sex scenes, and some swearing. Nothing too graphic, though.

This story is PG-13. That means Parents Strongly Cautioned. Yes, if you are under 13  you should definatly read this with your parents. 

Chapter 1: Kyo's Embarrassing Accident 

Kyo turned around, and clenched his butt with all of his might. It was nice that Tohru was cleaning the bathroom, but he was in desperate need of the bathroom. He wanted desperately to swear at her, but he knew that she was only trying to do her job.

"Dammit" he mumbled, pounding his fist into the wall.  

"Don't wreck the house again, cat" Yuki said, coming out of the bathroom.

He smirked. "I'm surprised you did that damage with one hand."  

"DAMMIT, I THOUGHT TOHRU WAS IN THERE!" Kyo raged, but decided to be more quiet next time. It was hurting him more to scream, and he didn't want to attract attention. He shuddered at the thought of Tohru seeing him like this.  

Shigure walked by, making the situation worse."What are you two fighting abo-" he smirked. Kyo was sure he was not going to live this down.   

"DON'T EVEN START, SHIGURE." He yelled, and flinched at the pain. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hold it. "Just let me into the damn bathroom."  

"Yes, let him in." Shigure chuckled. "He wouldn't want Tohru to have to wash his soiled underpants."  

Kyo blushed at the thought of poor Tohru going to do the laundry, and finding a pair of underpants with a brown stain, and figuring out whose they were.  

"Alright, Kyo. I suppose you can use the bathroom" Yuki said, holding back a smile.  

Kyo darted in, and released his poop while Yuki and Shigure laughed at him from the other side of the door. Their laughs became increasingly louder when they heard the opening of the bathroom garbage can and a piece of clothing fall in.  

Kyo slammed the door open. "LAUGH ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL PUNCH YOUR FACE IN, DAMN RAT!" Kyo tried to kick Yuki, but he dodged it with ease.  

"Excuse me? I don't mean to bother you, but can I get into the bathroom? I need to take out the garbage" Tohru said with a smile. Kyo wondered how the hell she could be so happy all the time, and then remembered that he dropped his partially soiled underpants in the garbage.  

"I'll do it" Kyo blushed.  

Tohru's eyes grew wide. "Oh, no no! This is my job, Kyo. It would be wrong if I let you do it!" She frantically threw her arms around, as if her life depended on her taking out the garbage.  

Shigure chuckled, but decided to help Kyo out."You've had a hard day at work, Tohru! Why don't you rest for a bit." Tohru reluctantly went up to her room.  

"Why did you do that, Shigure? I was enjoying the look on Kyo's face." Yuki smirked.  

"I couldn't bear the thought of our Tohru having to clean up after Kyo's unspeakable mess." Shigure said, being over dramatic. His mischievous eyes said that he was fantasizing about Tohru in a pervy way.  

Yuki and Kyo exchanged glances, and both wore an expression that said let's not let Shigure have any alone time with Tohru. Shigure left to go to his bedroom, and Kyo didn't even want to think about what he was going to do up there. He could feel his breakfast coming back up.  

Yuki turned to Kyo. "Well, even though I don't like to be seen with you, we should go shopping."  

Kyo wrinkled his nose. "WHY WOULD I WANNA GO SHOPPING WITH YOU?"  

For Tohru's birthday. You did remember that her birthday is tomorrow, right?"  

"WHY WOULD YOU EXPECT ME TO REMEMBER THAT?"  

Yuki sighed. "Never mind. Let's just get going"  

"Fine" Kyo grumbled, not looking forward to spending the afternoon with Yuki.

  --

Tohru chuckled. She went into the kitchen to prepare lunch, when she overheard Yuki and Kyo talking about her birthday. She was glad that they were working together, but she wondered what sorts of fighting they would do at the mall.  

--  

Shigure smiled. Without realizing it, they were leaving him alone with Tohru. He began humming the high school girls song, but stopped when his publisher spazzed out and reminded him that he had a deadline. He merely locked the door and resumed humming.

A/N: Don't worry, it get's better (: