High School Treachery | ✓

40 | An Arlin Prom

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An Arlin Prom

Elijah stays quiet, eyes watching me cautiously as I take in a deep breath, unsure what to even say.

Everything feels upside down, all tossed around. My feelings, my thoughts. My life.

At this point, I truly don't even know who I am.

"I'm a huge fucking idiot," I finally settle on saying.

Elijah's eyes slightly widen, clearly having not expected that kind of response. "What?"

I wasn't sure about it before, but I am now, and so I repeat my words firmly. "I am a huge fucking idiot."

It settles over me how true my words are and how right Noah is. As much as it pains me to agree with him, I have no choice.

"Lyn..." Elijah says, voice taking on a joking tone, as if he doesn't believe I'm being serious. "Come on. You're not."

"Yes, I am. I really, really am. If you knew at least half the shit going on in my mind, you'd one hundred percent agree that I'm an idiot."

I pause for a second, wondering if sharing my full thoughts with Elijah would help. But how can I share them when I'm still so confused by them?

But the truth is, there's nothing to be confused about. The butterflies in my stomach that swarm faster every time Elijah smiles are answer enough. I like him. I like Elijah. And after every damn thing I've done, said, and been through since moving back to New York, liking Elijah is honestly the most rational, normal, and easiest thing to do.

But Jalen... I hate the way my mind always travels to him, and how even when I'm accepting the better road, the better option, the better choice, I can't shake Jalen.

What is wrong with me?

"Lyndon, you are smart. Or am I confusing you with some other person named Lyndon Prince who was accepted into the four Ivy Leagues she applied to?"

I furrow my brows. "How do you even know that?"

Elijah was never someone I talked to about colleges or future plans. Or am I not only an idiot, but going crazy as well and forgot?

"Uh... Danny and I might've talked about it." He rubs the back of his neck—his nervous habit. "Okay, we definitely did talk about it. But only because he was worried you wouldn't go to Princeton with him if that's where he ends up attending."

I turn away, looking out the windshield. I didn't think Daniel truly cared, seeing as that was something we talked about in passing. Truthfully, I'd only been half listening to him—too caught up with worrying about Jalen and our messy relationship.

Thinking of colleges and where I'd spend my next four years of education didn't seem to matter, at least not in the way it seems to matter to Daniel. Apparently it mattered so much so that he spoke with Elijah about it.

I guess I'm lucky that colleges don't care too much about senior year grades, and that I took my SATs junior year. Because if not, I don't think I would've gotten those acceptances at all. My grades for this school year have been... not good.

I shake my head at myself and my lack of caring. Once again I'm reminded that I've changed far too much.

How could I think this life changing decision wasn't important enough to think about? It matters. It'll determine the next four years of my life, how my future will turn out.

Everything else just seems so small in comparison now. Arlin Preparatory, the gossip, the students, the games, the relationships... Jalen. They all matter so much to me, so much more than I ever should have let them.