Don't Hurt Me

Goodbyes

"How long have you got now Daphne?" Xavier turns the conversation over to my sister, who sits opposite from him. It is Xavier's last night staying here with me, so after some much needed persuasion, Daphne joined us for dinner. Trying to convince her that Xavier is no longer in my bad books was extremely difficult, but after breaking the tension and awkwardness, it felt like the old times. The good times.

"Got a few more months of swollen ankles and weird food combinations." Daphne jokes, laughter surrounding us. As I begin to clear up, Daphne and Xavier try to help, but I don't allow them to. Exchanging looks, they back away from the dirty plates on the dinner table and make their way to the living room, while I wash the dishes and tidy up. The buzzer sounds just as I dry my hands off; I leave Daphne and Xavier as I go to see who is at the door.

"It's Scarlett." I buzz her in, waiting for her to get to the front door. She knocks and I let her in.

"Hi," I say, closing the door behind her. I still don't know how to act around her.

"Hi." She responds. Awkward silence. Great.

"He's in the living room, just through there." I direct her to where Xavier is with my sister. Scarlett smiles slightly as she walks away. I take a deep breath to try and calm my nerves before following after her.

"Hey Xavier, how are you?" Scarlett announces herself, grabbing Daphne and Xavier's attention. Xavier's face lights up as he stands to embrace her, Daphne walks over to me, and takes my hand. She lightly squeezes it, and I hold back the tears that want to flow freely down my cheeks.

"I'm doing better, thanks to Ziayn." The conversation shifts to me, and I force a smile on my face.

"I knew bringing you here would be good for the two of you. I hope he wasn't too much of a pain." Scarlett jokes, and I half heartedly join in with the laughter.

"Everything was okay. I just hope I helped in some way." I truthfully say, my eyes looking over to him.

"Everything was perfect." His eyes stay locked on mine. Daphne clears her throat, pulling me out of my thoughts, as she introduces herself to Scarlett, helping her gather Xavier's things out from my room.

"I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me over these past few weeks. I owe you big time." Xavier says to me, his eyes glisten as tears begin to form in his eyes. I take both of his hands into mine.

"You owe me nothing. As long as you know that if you ever need someone to talk to about anything, you know where I am." I reassure him of my loyalty, A tear escapes from his eye, so gently I wipe it away, just as Scarlett and Daphne re-enter the room.

"We're all good to go. Thanks again for this Ziayn." Scarlett says, handing Xavier his bags. He takes them, following behind her as they head for the door. Trying to move my feet from where they are positioned, I couldn't bring myself to see them out. Daphne senses this and does it for me. Once the door closes, Daphne comforts me with a hug, and a cup of hot chocolate.

"Do you want me to put on Me before You?" She asks. I pause for a moment; I can't afford to wallow in self pity anymore. Things are changing and I just have to embrace the change. No more Me before You, no more cups of sad hot chocolate, no more wallowing!

"No, let's watch some cartoons or something."

Blinding sunlight causes my eyes to close in frustration. There is not one ounce of energy in my body to move out of my bed to draw my curtains close again so that I can go back to snoring peacefully. Sitting up, a crumpled piece of paper catches my eye. Daphne left a note telling me she had to leave early to go and sort somethings out with Dan for the baby. I've never felt so distant from my sister before. She hasn't invited me to any appointments, I've still put off meeting Dan's family and I don't even know if she is having (or already had) a baby shower. This is her first pregnancy. Dan could be the guy she marries. This may be the first child of many for her, and I am nowhere in the picture. I push away the thoughts and try to ignore the tight feeling in my chest, as I start my day. Taking a much needed bath and playing old school RnB as I make breakfast lifts my spirt - slightly.

The bus journey to Paper Birds is quiet; not many people are out and about today. Even the Saturday markets weren't as ramp packed as usual, when I reach my stop. People pass me in the streets, their faces sadden as they see me. A few of them give me their condolences, confusing me even more. My heart begins to pump faster, as questions flood my head. Picking up my pace, I reach the bookshop, but the shutters are down. Why isn't Joan up? I ring the buzzer multiple times. After what seems an eternity, Angie answers and lets me in Joan's flat.

"Where is Jo? The shop isn't open and it should be open." I question her, but she says nothing. I take a better look at her face and notice tears in her green coloured eyes. "Why are you crying?"

"Joan... she passed away last night... the cancer had spread so much and her chemo wasn't working as it should've-"

"Cancer? Chemo? No... you've got the wrong Joan. Joan doesn't have cancer, Joan is healthy and strong, she doesn't have cancer!" I deny everything Angie is telling me. Angie shakes her head, the tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she tell me?" I break down in the hallway. Angie crouches down to comfort me, but I push her away. "No don't touch me!"

"Please Ziayn! She didn't want anyone to know her diagnosis-" Angie tries to clam me down, but her words meant nothing to me. The woman who cared for me, looked after me, loved me is now gone and I didn't even get to say a proper goodbye. Trying my best to stand to my feet, I walk out of the flat. My sweet Joan. She didn't deserve to get such a horrid disease. She was kind hearted, loving, caring to everyone. I call Daphne, but she doesn't answer. Lillian's phone goes straight to voicemail too. Fran's café is closed.

Alone. I am completely alone.