As I slip on my doc martens and zip them up, a cluster of butterflies form in the pit of my stomach for the millionth time this morning. Moving day has finally arrived, leaving me in a mixture of emotions. Breakfast with everyone is a rollercoaster of laughter, tears and Lillian complaining about Fran's sleeping issues. Josh wriggles is eyebrows at me from across the table when he spotted Xavier's hand in mine, causing my smile to widen. Time rolls by; ten o'clock turns to eleven and eleven o'clock turns to twelve. By half twelve, all my boxes are outside the block of apartments. Xavier left earlier to bring his car down, seeing as he took public transport (for the first time probably) yesterday to attend Jo's funeral. Fran also runs an errand to the Costcutters around the corner and brought everyone a cold beer for all our hard work. When Xavier comes back, we get to loading his car. I open the boot of the car, to see a few bags. With confusion written across my face, I turn to him.
"You never leave bags in your car Xavier - what are these doing here?" I ask him. He has a big issue with leaving stuff in the boot of his car. If it's not essentials for potential breakdowns, it's not in the boot.
"I'm coming with you." Is all he says, carefully placing my boxes inside neatly so there is enough room. Lillian and Fran take the smaller boxes and place them on the back seats.
"Are you joking with me?" I question him in disbelief.
"i'm not joking with you Zi - I'm coming with you to Manchester," He smiles. "I've already been separated from you and I hated every second of it. I refuse to let that happen again."
I search his eyes to see if I could find anything that could tell me otherwise, but there was nothing. I want to scream "Yes! Come with me!" but I know this chapter of my life is for me to grow and heal - alone. I take him to one side away from the group.
"I love you so much Xavier, but you're not coming with me to Manchester. I know your intentions are pure and your heart is in the right place, but I've got to do this part of my life alone - please tell me you understand that." My voice is shaky as I speak, scared he'll get annoyed and dump me. I just got him back; this could cause him to slip right through my fingertips all over again.
"I understand Zi. I'm sorry, I got an idea and ran with it instead of consulting you first." He says, sighing heavily and bowing his head. I gently lift his head up, my fingers caress his cheeks ever so softly.
"Don't be disheartened love," I smile, and he returns the gesture. "See you on the weekends?"
"And every other day," He jokes, earning a chuckle from me. Remembering the gift I have for Xavier, quickly retrieve it from the boot. We join the others.
"These are the completed interior designs for both Liverpool and Manchester hotels. I wanted to finish them first before giving them to you." I hand the rolled up A5 papers to him.
"I hope you know that you've just handed me an excuse to visit you when I'm in Manchester." He says, giving me a quick peck on the lips. Fran squeals at the sight, causing me to turn a bright pink.
"It's coming up to one o'clock Zi," Josh says, looking at his watch. I look up the street, hoping to spot Daphne in a car, driving towards us, but the road is clear and quiet - not one vehicle in sight. Letting out a sigh of sadness, I hold back the tears that want to fall so desperately. It is silly of me to think she would come to say goodbye - I'm the enemy in her eyes. The bad guy.
Accepting her absence, I turn to face my friends. The three of them all so different yet mean so much to me equally. Starting the farewells off with Lillian; squeezing me death but in a good way. In the space of months, she has become the big sister I never knew I needed.
"Kiss Sophia every night for me, please?" I ask, she nods, a sad smile on her face.
"Look after yourself out there." She whispers, hugging me one last time. I move onto Fran. My first best friend that was my age, who took me under her mischievous wing, getting our butts into all sorts of trouble. I'll always be grateful for her ability to understand my past and the situations I faced when caring for Daphne and myself. Her cafe was never a foreign place to us and felt like my third home after Paper Birds. Oh how I'll miss her baked goods.
"Don't forget me Zi! Promise you'll call and text - write letters if you have to!" She begs and pleads me, holding onto me tight. I've never seen her like this before.
"How could I forget my best friend Fran? You're one in a million sweets." I smile, wiping away her fallen tears. It's odd seeing a sober Fran cry.
"Knock em dead out there!" She lastly says, sniffling back her tears of sadness. Last but not least - Joshua. My big brother, twenty first century Solomon; always full of wisdom and guidance. I don't know what I would do without him.
"I don't even care if you're not related to me by blood - you will always be my big brother Josh, always," I says, giving myself permission to cry. Josh smiles, pulling me into his embrace.
"And you will always be my little sister Zi. Just don't forget to visit yeah?" He replies, kissing my forehead with care. I let go of him, walking over the passenger side of Xavier's car. Putting my backpack on the floor, Xavier gets into the driver's seat. I put on my seat belt, looking out the window to my tearful friends. Xavier starts the engine, and it all sinks in. I'm really leaving Sommereast. I'm leaving my friends, my apartment, my sister - my home. I'm going and I have no idea when or if I'll ever come back to it all. I wave to Lillian, Josh and Fran as the car pulls away, driving off down the road. Xavier takes my hand into his as a sign of comfort.
Remembering Jo's letter she wrote to me before passing away, I retrieve it from my bag. I take a few moments before opening it, treating the paper with such grace and care. Here goes nothing.
To my dear daydreamer,
I am so sorry you never found out about my fight with cancer from me. Every time I wanted to blurt it out to you, the timing was off and I kept picturing your heartbreaking reaction to hearing the news. You were the one piece of sunshine I had left in my life, and I wasn't prepared to see it get overclouded by this disease. You were the daughter I prayed for all those years ago, and instead of having one of my own, I believe God put your mother in my life, so I could have you. It saddened my heart seeing you and your sister suffer because of your mother's immature life decisions, but I am so glad you never followed her down that road of destruction. I know you're going to go on to do so many amazing things in life; I just hate that I'm going to miss seeing them in person - but best believe me when I tell you I will be cheering you on from the heavens! I'll be there when you teach your first art class, when you finally marry Xavier, buy your dream home you were always telling me about, and start a beautiful family of your own. I'll be watching and smiling and crying and laughing with you every step of the way. Life hasn't always been kind to you Zi, and you've had your fair share of trials and tribulations, but you have always come out the other end stronger so I have no doubt that you will be okay without me. I will miss you tremendously Ziayn and will always love you to the moon and back.
Loving you to the ends of the Earth,
Jo
xxx
YOU ARE READING
Don't Hurt Me
Romance"If this is just a game to you then leave!" "This is no game baby girl. This is the real deal." Ziayn Xu is a twenty two year old woman who has been looking after herself and her little sister ever since they were left outside an orphanage by their...
