My palms have never been this sweaty. Especially not when it comes to seeing my own flesh and blood. I'm sure she'll understand that I have to do this. The buzzer goes, causing me to jump out of my skin. The sooner I tell her, the sooner I can get this weight off my chest. I grant Daphne access into the building, waiting by the door for her. The queasy, nauseous feeling in my stomach has travelled up from my stomach to my throat, the thought of throwing up, crossing my mind. There is finally a knock on the door. This is it. Any moment now, Daphne is going to be sat across from me at that tiny, pathetic excuse for a dining table - her signature smile plastered on her face. That smile won't be on her face for long. Not wanting to keep her waiting, I open the door. Just as expected, she was smiling. Before any words are exchanged, her arms find themselves around me, pulling me into her embrace.
"How are you doing Daph?" I ask her, the two of us making our way into the kitchen. We both sit at the table, Daphne looking around, noticing the emptiness of the walls, boxes everywhere, and plastic wrap on the settee and electronic items.
"Yeah I'm good thanks. Are you decorating again? You can't be decorating Zi - it's only been a few days since you last did!" Daphne giggles, but stops, when she takes note of my frown, and eyes full of sadness. "You're not decorating again are you?"
Shaking my head, I take in a deep breath. "I am moving out of Avebury on Saturday. That is why the place looks practically empty." There is a moment of absolute silence between the two of us, until Daphne speaks.
"How long have you been keeping this from me?" She questions me, a thick sound of annoyance in her voice.
"It's not as if I've been planning this for months on end. It did cross my mind weeks and weeks ago, but it is only recently I have decided to act upon the decision." I explain myself, but Daphne is not having it.
"And I wasn't the first person you thought to tell? I thought we told each other everything Ziayn." Daphne pouts. Her statement causes me to scoff, catching her off guard. "What was that for?"
"You waited five months before telling me you were pregnant! I decide to move the night Joan died and now I'm the one keeping secrets!" I feel the words spewing from my lips, but I couldn't stop. Everything I have been holding in is finally coming out like vomit and I know the outcome will be far from great.
"Don't bring my pregnancy into this Ziayn!"
"Why not? You want to talk about me keeping this from you, but your pregnancy was and is much bigger than me moving! It hurt me when you kept it from me. When you thought I'd crucify you because of it! Not to mention the way you've just replaced me for Dan and his family!"
"Well I'm sorry if I was ashamed of myself! All I ever do is please you Ziayn and I know that becoming a teen mum wasn't in your blueprints for my future!" Daphne defends herself. "And I haven't replaced you with Dan and his family!"
"Yes you have! I hardly see you anymore Daphne! And excuse me for wanting you to succeed in life Daphne! I want you to have a good education, a good job, a good future! I would be failing you as a guardian and as a big sister if I allowed you to follow after Angies's footsteps!"
"Stop that! I'm not going to become like mum!" Daphne snaps even harder at me. Stopping the words flowing from my lips, I no longer hold back the tears. We have never fought like this before. Ever.
"So you're telling me it's my fault you didn't tell me anything, my fault you can't tell me anything?" I question her.
"I did not say that Ziayn! Stop putting words in my mouth!" She fires back.
"You didn't have to say it Daphne! Your actions these past few months have been received loud and clear."
"Oh grow up Ziayn! I'm suppose to be the younger sister! You kept this from me! I bet you told the whole flaming village before telling me that you are moving!"
"I only told those who have come to check in on me since Jo's death!" Daphne avoids eye contact with me. "Remember Josh? Him and his family came to see me that same evening. Fran came the following morning. Even Xavier Bright himself came here last night to see how I was. But where were you? When I called it went straight to voicemail. I texted you and got no reply. To this day I still haven't gotten a reply!"
"I have my reasons Ziayn!" Daphne tries to explain. I shake my head, not wanting to hear her excuses.
"I'm leaving Saturday morning for Manchester. I'm leaving the bookshop and Jo's flat to you and Dan. I'm sure his family will care for you and your baby. I hope you have a safe and healthy delivery." I stand to my feet, feeling ever so faint, as if I have just run a marathon. I escort myself to my room, closing the door behind me. I wait till I hear Daphne's footsteps make their way to the front door, the sound of the door opening and closing shut gives me the thumbs up to sob like a baby in peace and quiet. That was brutal. I have never in my life had a yelling battle with Daphne. We have had disagreements in the past, but we always found I way to resolve them and apologise to each other. Something tells me that won't be the case this time. I knew as Daphne got older, my input and advice would only go so far, but I was no where near prepared for this. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I begin packing up my bedroom. All my clothes, shoes, bedding - you name it, I'm either taking it with me, or leaving at the charity shop. I leave out my outfits for the funeral tomorrow and the day after. The black jumpsuit lies on my bed, staring at me. I pair a cropped blazer with it and the doc martens I inherited from Joan. My heart becomes even heavier as I stare back at the entire outfit. Just when I thought I was somewhat ready for tomorrow. Having this staring contest has proven me to be incorrect. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Joan. I'm not ready to bury her, to speak about how amazing she was in front of friends. Why did she have to go so soon? Hanging up the clothes on the back of the bedroom, I decide to take a break, and eat some leftover ice-cream from yesterday. Sprawling myself out on the settee, I sit in silence, trying to feel at peace, but I couldn't. Joan was my peace. Daphne was my peace. Xavier... he was my peace.
And every single one of them have left me.
YOU ARE READING
Don't Hurt Me
Romance"If this is just a game to you then leave!" "This is no game baby girl. This is the real deal." Ziayn Xu is a twenty two year old woman who has been looking after herself and her little sister ever since they were left outside an orphanage by their...
