The Love That Is No More

Something Isn't Right

Months had flown by since May found out she was pregnant for the 3rd time and life in her little household was running a lot smoother than she expected. Having Pha around so much was a big help as he was able to lend a helping hand at night, while the housekeeper helped her during the day. Yo was rarely ever thought of when Pha was spending time with his family, he was too focused on his children and the new addition that was soon to arrive.

Things between Yo and himself had gotten pretty bad at one point. Pha was frequently missing calls, not answering text messages and when he did finally get around to communication with his husband he would lie and say work has been really hectic. Yo wasn't stupid and knew his husband was hiding something from him, but he couldn't figure it out. It all started when Pha's obsession with children seemed to have just suddenly died off. Pha had him convinced that it was because Yo was his number 1 priority but maybe, just maybe there was something more to that. He didn't want to admit this but perhaps Pha was hurt that he wasn't ready to start a family just yet and Pha, being the loving partner, he had always been, had tried to bottle up his feelings. Ignoring his husband could be Pha's way of trying to deal with this issue Yo thought to himself. This was beginning to eat away at Yo's soul, and he was feeling quite guilty over the matter. So much so that he was willing to put his own dreams on hold so that his husband could finally have the family he has always wanted.

It was towards the end of his research fellowship that Yo had decided to talk to his husband and have a heart to heart conversation about their future and their plans to start their own little family. Yo had already been approved to continue with his master's degree at Oxford and was excited to be started that in a few weeks, but he needed to have a serious conversation with his husband. It was early one Saturday afternoon, 2 weeks before Yo begins his masters, when Yo was on a video call with his husband. He could clearly see Pha was very distracted as he kept looking at his phone or getting lost in his own mind. Yo was so sure that Pha wasn't happy with him, but he believed his news would ease his husband's pain.

"So Pha. I know we haven't discussed this in a while and it's mostly due to the fact I wasn't ready at the time." Pha was brought to attention as Yo spoke, confident he knew where this was going. Yo noticed his husband was now giving him his full attention, so he was sure he was going in the right direction. "I want to sincerely apologise. I should have been more understanding and willing to compromise instead of digging my heels in." Pha wanted to say something, tell Yo that he doesn't blame the boy, but his husband wasn't letting him speak. "I know I just got accepted into the masters program over here and it will be another 2 years before I can even consider coming home but that doesn't mean we can't start planning our family."

Pha was not sure how to respond to this in all honesty. Truthfully, he wasn't sure if he wanted to have kids with Yo right now, or ever, as May had already given him 3 beautiful children and had another on the way. There were a few moments of silence, which was surprising to Yo as he thought Pha was jump at this chance, before Pha finally managed to speak up. "I love you Yo but I just don't feel now is the right time. I mean you know how much I want a family of my own, but you made me see we weren't ready for it and I still believe we're not there yet. Besides I don't think you really want one either just now. It feels like you're only suggesting this because you think we're drifting apart."

Pha wasn't stupid, he knew he had been pulling away from Yo but he couldn't help it. His 3 precious babies needed his attention more than his own husband right now. Yo was stunned, clearly not expecting that kind of response from his husband who had spent most of their relationship discussing what their future family would be like. "What is going on with you Pha? A year ago, or 2 ago you would have jumped at this chance and now you're the one saying we're not ready? I don't understand you at all. You have talked about having a family of your own, one your parents could be proud of, for years and now you suddenly want to wait?" Yo was a little frustrated as his husband was not the same man, he had fallen in love with all those years ago.

Pha sighed "Look Yo. I still want to have that family I just think it's best we wait until you've finished your studies. We both know you are going to be in the UK for another 6 years to finish off your masters and PhD and I'm the CEO of a very successful company. It wouldn't be right bringing a child into our life when we live so far apart and don't have much time to be there for them. " This discussion was going nowhere, and Yo didn't know where to go from here. It wasn't like he was asking Pha to give him a kid right away but at least if they looked into their options, they would know what needed to be done in the future. It's exactly what Pha had suggested the first couple of times they seriously discussed this so why was he the one being shut down this time?

Apparently Pha wasn't happy with Yo at the moment that he immediately disconnected the chat, not even giving Yo a chance to respond. Pha didn't fully understand why he was so dismissive with Yo. This is what he had always wanted with his husband but now that he already had his family, that was still growing, he didn't feel nor want kids with Yo anymore. The person he once was had already begun to change and he was no longer the same man he was when he married Yo.

The fact remained true as the moment he ended the call Pha took his phone, keys and wallet and drove himself to May's house as he needed to be with his little darlings and check on the mother of his unborn child. May was thankfully, in her opinion, only having one child this time and was almost 7 months pregnant at this time. Pha would always smile when he saw her pregnant belly and couldn't wait to meet the new addition to their little household. It was just after 8:30 pm when Pha arrived at her house and the 3 little ones were already tucked into bed. May was currently laying on the couch, watching some romantic comedy, when Pha walked in and sat down right beside her.

May turned to look at Pha and noticed he had this perplexed look upon his face. She knew something was up with him but didn't know how to breach the topic. Luckily Pha had blurted out what was on his mind. He turned to face May as he spoke "I can't believe Yo is wanting to have kids now. I mean where was this support when I first brought up wanting to start a family? I know he is only doing it because he thinks it will bring us closer together, but I can't. I already have Prae, Bright and Knott, not to mention the little one that is going to be joining us soon. I don't have time to give Yo what he wants right now. These little angels are what's most important right now." He said the last part as he rubbed his hand gently over May's very pregnant stomach.