prompt by @JenlisaReal23
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it would always break my heart whenever jennie asks where did she go wrong. and soon i'd calm her down when i dodged her question with comforting words, thinking that she does not deserve any of this pain i've inflicted upon. but the thing is, i kept doing it. over and over. till then i knew i stopped making her happy, but i pursued us still. only because she begged me to change.
knowing and feeling her pain and desperation when she said "lisa please, for the very last time, be better for us. for me." and i screwed up once again. but she didn't let me go just yet. she have been patient with me.
but i...it was killing me. it still is. it does when i'm sprawled all over my bed, my hand hanging by the edge of the bed holding a bottle of numbness and memories. jennie deserved better. jennie deserved everything. what did i do that i am not the best and the everything for her anymore? why did i - i sobbed. quietly. painfully. every memory of her smile and waft of perfume was what i could feel, dream, wish for.
my pride in having her - showing her off around people who knew me, knowing she was the best but she didn't want us to be known by the whole world, i didn't respect. however she still stayed, despite all, she didn't let me go. i remembered smirking that night when she gave me everything of her, when my mind was chanting "she's mine now" over and over. it sickens me.
my ego have always got the best of me. i would not care in the slightest of what she wanted. it's the mindset of mine that sets me to be rude and inconsiderate to her when she disrupts my silence during 11 PMs at night, because she wanted to be with her friends. because she wanted to dance and have fun around. my mind would drift back to all the boys that want her, that claims her sexually and it just didn't sit right with me. telling her about it wasn't a valid explanation why she shouldn't go. it's still her life. she can do whatever she pleases. she can have fun. and i took all that away. i took control of her everything.
i stand from my bed and stumble around disposable cups and plates and every mess i made. if jennie was here, she would be cooking me hungover soup right now. or my favorite kimchi fried rice. and she would help me with showering and would be pampering me like a baby. it all seems so vivid in my head, and then i stumble once again till i surrendered and took the fall and cried on my knees.
i miss her.
i miss jennie.
my needs. oh how disgusting i am. my needs demanding to be satisfied which only jennie could quench. but jennie was in SOKOR and i was in bangkok and there was just this pretty thai girl i met from the club and i just - i couldn't bring to tell her. how could i? should i say, "it just slipped?" i can't lose her. i don't want her to think for any second that i was unfaithful. she does not deserve a woman like that. so instead i started being nicer to her. kinder. loving. caring. anything to soothe my guilt.
"you're only sorry 'cause you got caught," jennie says as she start pacing around our apartment, starts to pack her things and say goodbye. but i didn't respect her decision. i was every bad girl in the story. the villain. the one who poisoned snow white with apples but instead betrayal and lies.
and then she gave me another chance. i love her truly. i love her deeply.
but she wasn't happy anymore. sometimes i force her to go on dates, just to rekindle the old flame that has burnt between us. it was so selfish of me. still so so selfish, because i feel like i am about to call her and tell her how sorry i am and how much i regret not treating her right. my girl. my jennie.
"jen-"
"jennie's gone out to the bathroom. she'll come by soon. unless it's very urgent?" it was a man's voice. and by the background noise, they're either in her house, or his', whichever someplace quiet.
and i almost, almost picked my coat from the hanger, then realized she isn't mine to protect anymore.
almost, almost shouted at the top of my lungs for him not to hurt her, because she've had enough of it. "what's your name?"
"jongin, why?" he seemed a good man. better. he could be best.
"see jongin," i chuckle lightly. "it may have been a coincidence or the world is telling me to stop pestering that amazing woman, and i was just about to apologize again for my mistakes but here's what i'll tell you."
"she can be pretty savage but trust me she's really clingy. she will always make you jealous but DON'T make her jealous! oh and if she gets mad at you, always bring her milk ice cream. it works every time."
"hmm,"
"hey jongin."
"yeah lisa?"
"take her to the moon for me, okay?"
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the italized words were from january first 2019 tweets list, though i have forgotten whom have written that so credits to them. (it gets me every time).
i'm fLoOpPinG lmao i'm haven't updated my other stories in a long while bc the contents is so,,,,don't even get me started but i'm available here for now. kind of like the practice or preparation zone for upcoming and on-going works.
open for prompts, wide WIDE open but for now you either give me fluff or smut, be detailed or vague. i'm super sick of my angst ass so i will TRY to hold my other angst one-shots.
keep safe always.
