Bedroom Floor (Harry Styles)

Chapter 50: Man In The Mirror

1 December 2017

"Okaaayyy," I breathed and reached for a random envelope.
I leaned back in the chair with the chosen black envelope in my hand. I closed my eyes and breathed in preparing myself for the question. I feel like this is all really serious and almost..depressing?

I opened my eyes and opened up the envelope reading the card.
"First song you ever loved??" I read out and played with the card.
"That's hard," I said and lowered the card on my lap "ummm" I said and started to think.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and spoke "I'd say.. Michael Jackson's Man In The Mirror, or Earth Song" I told my reflection as the cameras roll "I used to listen to those songs with my mum—" I say softly as my throat starts to become sore, that was an indication of me about to cry.

"I remember when me mum and Louis would listen to Michael. He was the first artist I fell in love with and I fell in love with those two songs, I was so young so I can't really remember which one it actually was" I say to my reflection "they're both beautiful songs and will always, always a-always hold a special place in my heart" I smile weakly at my reflection "growing up, I was always surrounded by music, if it wasn't Louis banging on music it was my mum. I've always loved music just because of that. Music is really close to my heart and always will be, I have so many precious moments that surround music. And it makes my heart so full knowing that I can do something I love. I'll always love modelling but I'm taking a little break away from it right now so I can focus on my music career. In a way I'm on hiatus from modelling" I chuckled to myself "so—um, yeah" I nod and leant forward for another envelope as I drop the one onto the floor that I've just read.

"What is your ultimate dream?" I spoke out loud after I opened the second envelope.
I breathed shakily and smiled at my reflection "my ultimate dream— by far, is making my mum proud with whatever I do, whether it be music or modelling. Another one of my dreams is to change people's life with the work I do.. I want to get involved with even more charities and change lives. I'd love someone to be able to say my music changed their life.. that'd be pretty— yeah that'd be pretty cool. I'd love that. That's definitely a goal, if I could be the voice for millions of young people around the world I'd happily take up that big responsibility. I want my music to be their voices as well as my own." I only spoke the truth.

Grabbing another envelope, I breathed in and smiled softly. "Let's see what this says" I said opening up a envelope.

"A song that reminds you of where you are from??" I spoke.
I puff out a breath of fresh air and think "honestly? I'd say.. don't forget where you belong. That song I wrote with Niall, and it's just.. well, self explanatory. I've been all around the world, I've lived in so many different places.. but in my heart.. home is always Doncaster" I got teary "What Niall and I wrote in that song was all the truth—" I breathed and pressed my fingers to my lips to try and stop me from blubbering and crying "Niall and I really spoke from the heart" I sit up in the chair and get comfortable "we've seen a lot of faces, not really knowing where we actually was in the world.. whether we were in America or Japan... the boys and I made a lot of changes.. changes we needed to make, and some was that we wanted to make. The aim of the song is to speak out to our fans, telling them no matter what.. we as people won't forget were from small places in the U.K. and Ireland. And our fans shouldn't forget their background either.. they shouldn't forget where they have come from. It's basically a message from us to Ireland, Bradford, Doncaster, Wolverhampton and Homes Chapel.." I spoke softly "I can't think of any other song that comes to mind that actually reminds me of Doncaster" I rubbed my neck a little.

A sign that I was getting upset and nervous.

"A song you wish you had written?" I said after I had opened another envelope "okay..." I laughed softly "umm, jeez" I think back to all of my favourite songs.
"Going back to an earlier question... I'd say Man In The Mirror, Heal The World or Earth Song..." I smiled "I listen to those songs and I'm like man, I wish I could of wrote that but then I sit back and think.. those songs are meant for Michael. He was a guy full of love for the world so those songs were perfect for him. He's just really amazing, isn't he?" I grinned to myself in the reflection "one of my biggest inspirations.. my biggest musical inspiration" I nodded and reached for another envelope

"What is your biggest inspiration??" I read out and I laughed softly "ironic.." I said because of how I was just talking about Michael, one of my favourite people ever.

"The women in my life..." I say then kind of shrug my shoulders and head forward "my mum, for definite" I nodded and clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth "also, in a way, what I have been through as a person. Loosing my mum last year, that's the toughest thing I've been through, as well as going through a really hard break up back 2015... loosing a baby back in 2014 at around 20 years old.. obviously, I'm not being a Marta, but that's now a great start into my adult life.. loosing a baby so young. As well as my mother: so yes, my mum and my life have been very inspirational to me. It's made me want to fight for the life that my mum always worked so god damn hard to achieve for me. And I'll be for-forever grateful of my mum. My other inspirations are Louis, Ernest and all my sisters" I tried to smile as a tear slipped down my face "they have been my rock since the beginning of time.. since they stepped into my life. And I'll be forever grateful for the bond I have with my two brothers and all my sisters" I smiled softly wiping away my tears.

"Another huge inspiration to me is Harry, he's my best friend, and he's- he's just always been there for me. The day I met him we clicked straight away.. and I'm thankful that I have him in my life. He's never once turned his back on me, and I'll never intend to turn my back on him" I nodded softly.

"A song that reminds you.. of being in love?" My voice was now shaky as I read out another question.
I tapped my index finger acrylic against the white card in my hand as my lip quivered.. I pressed my lips together harshly, forcing myself to try and not cry.
I laughed softly and looked up at the camera "I don't know if i have one"

I grab another envelope and open it up "What do you see when you look in the mirror??"
I clear my throat and looks at myself in the mirror "I see... what do I see?" I ask myself, with a sigh.

"I see someone who is strong..." I begin and clear my throat "I see.. sensitive, ummm—fun?? Hopefully I'm fun to be around" I laugh softly and throw my hands out as an expression.
"Yeah..." I trail off and run my hand through my hair "I'm still working on what I see in the mirror, I suppose" I smiled softly.