Daisies

2.8

"excuses only work when what we've done is still excusable."
• • •

I've never been the type to have road rage. Yet right now the only emotion that makes sense to me is anger. The adrenaline surging through me right now is making me forget about every safe driving course I've taken. I quickly switch lanes, cutting others off as I test my luck by disregarding the speed limit. Some blow their horns but I can only think about getting to the casino, where Jacob told me he would be.

I make a sharp turn into the parking lot, jumping out as soon as the car stops. I don't even realize how fast I'm walking until I feel a hand firmly grab my arm. Stopping me cold in my tracks. I roughly jerk my arm out of the grip, causing the security to let me go.

"Ma'am I need to see some ID." The large bouncer says, I know he's just trying to do his job but this only adds on to my anger and frustration. If this were a cartoon I would probably have flames where my pupils are supposed to be.

"Look, I'm not here to gamble, okay? I need to go upstairs, like now." He looks me up and down, as if he doesn't trust me.

"If you're going upstairs, I need to confirm that you have an appointment before I let you in. Who are you here to see?" I can feel my blood pressure rising.

"I don't have an appointment, I'm not going to make one. If you want, I can cause a scene then you can really see who I know here." I try to make threats that I know I can't keep. All that matters is that he believes me.

We stare each other down for a few seconds. I can see his brain weighing pros and cons and probably against his better judgement he opens the velvet rope. Moving to the side so I can walk in.

"Stay away from the floor, it's for gamblers. " I make sure to almost bump shoulders with him, going straight for the stairs.

I walk past all the rooms where there is too much going on for it to be early afternoon. i walk into a smoke filled room. The men give me odd stares, clearly confused as to how or why I'm here. I either ignore them or give them stares back. White powders, cigars, alcohol, and money are spread all over the tables. I don't see many people which means most of them must be in the office.

Walking towards it I can already see at least ten men in the large room. I angrily pull the door open, everyone in the room looks over at me. Confused expressions fill the room. Especially from Marc, Jacob's uncle, who sits behind the desk. I never really asked Jacob about it but Marc must be the new boss, I can see how angry he is that I interrupted him.

"I need to talk to you. Now." Everyone takes there attention from me and turns it to Jacob. Some smile, coughing to cover their laughs.

"I'll be done soon." Jacob speaks firmly. He looks surprised, confused, and mad. Probably embarrassed, but in this moment I don't really care.

"Antonio! I mean now." As bad as it might be, I call him by his first name knowing how much he dislikes it. The anger on Marc's face turns into a grin for some reason.

"Daisy. I said I'll be out in a minute." He replies, tightening his grip on the chair. I can tell he's trying to stay calm.

"I don't have time for this, if you don't want to come out here we can have this conversation in front of everyone in this room. And we can start with you telling me why I just spent two fucking hours being asked about my relationship to you by cops." He stands abruptly, taking fast steps out of the room and slamming the door.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You think that shits funny? Are you trying to put on a show, do you want some fucking attention?" He shouts once we into an unused room. His veins look like they're about to pop out of his skin. None of this fazes me though, if anyone has a reason to be angry it's me.

"Whats wrong with me, what the fuck is wrong with you? Using me as your alibi without telling me. You better hope my story matches yours. If this is what you choose to do with your time, whatever, but bringing me into it?! You don't even tell me what you're doing, where you're going, or who you're with but have no problem bringing me into your shit to save your ass!" He rubs his face, sighing loudly.

"Look, I'm sorry. I meant to tell you but I forgot to it was the day we went on our first date, I knew you wouldn't forget it. I didn't even think they would call you, let alone bring you in to check my story out. I'm not even really an interest in that case. I'm sorry." He says.

For a moment I feel like I should forgive him. But we've come to far in our relationship to pretend our problems aren't as serious as they are. We're past that and have been for a long time.

"No. No! You don't get to just 'I'm sorry' your way out of this. You don't mean it, you're making excuses. If you don'y want me in it, keep it that way. You don't get to just change your mind because it benefits you."

"What do you want from me! I apologized, you 're the one who came in here trying to embarrass me, trying to make me angry?! You think I don't know all your dumb ass tricks." He takes his jacket off, throwing it on the chair in the corner of the room.

"Are you sorry? Are you? Do you know that I could go to jail for lying for you. I don't have all the shit you have, why don't you understand that. My mom doesn't have connections, we don't have money! I don't have room to fuck up."

The tension in the room is almost to thick to breath.

"I'm not doing this right now." He says, walking towards the door.

"Jacob if you leave right now..."

"What? If I leave right now what?"

We stare at each other. If looks could kill. Neither of us are thinking clearly but I don't know if that would even make a difference. I've felt nothing but anger but for some reason, hurt starts to creep its way into my heart.

"You know what, fuck you Jacob." My voice cracks. I take the car key off of my key ring, throwing it towards him. I walk out of the door and down the steps without looking back but there would be no point anyways. I know he's not coming after me.

I walk as far as I can down the street once I'm out of the casino. Ordering an Uber , I go sit in a nearby library to wait. Once I sit down all my emotions rush to me at once. I don't know whether I want to scream or cry, or both.

I'm not sure if our relationship is damaged beyond repair, but for some reason I can even bring myself to care.

• • •
//unedited//