Daisies

2.9

"She was a giver. Always poured, too much of love. Never realized watering a rock doesn't make it grow."
• • •

He doesn't preoccupy my mind anymore. Not the majority of the time anyways. For weeks I thought about reaching out, even spent hours writing and erasing messages. Messages that were more like essays, taking so long to write that I'd had enough time to realize it wasn't worth it. You can't force someone to understand you, and I can't force myself to settle for someone else's perception of love.

So I don't think about him much, but I do often think about that day. How I came home and almost immediately fell into my mother's arms. I told her everything, even apologizing profusely for ever keeping her out of the loop. Her response was better than I ever could have hoped for, making me question why I ever even kept it a secret. She didn't lecture me with, 'I told you so's', or guilt me for keeping secrets.

Instead she held me, comforted me; and told me that the lump in my throat, thumping in my head, and pain in my chest would all go away. April showers and all those things. She told me about her first heartbreak. How she thought she would never love again, then the most attractive man she'd ever laid eyes on came up to her to make sure she was okay. I didn't respond but I don't think she expected me too. I don't think she even wanted me to.

It was sweet, even if it were just a long winded way to tell me that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for heartbreak. It was kind of nice to know but also didn't really help me in the moment, I appreciated it nonetheless.

I come back to reality and focus more intently on braiding Mya's locs into pigtails. I compare my view of her hair to the mirror view of her hair, making sure it looks presentable from all angles. Mya is too occupied by her phone to even notice whether it looked good or not.

"I'm so glad you agreed to come with me!" Mya squeals once she sits her phone down, finally checking out her hair in the mirror.

"Of course! I mean, we won't be together a lot since finals are coming up. Plus I know we're both going back home for winter break but let's be honest we probably still won't see each other. And we didn't get to hang out for my birthday last week!"

I think back to my awkward birthday dinner with my mom and Alonzo that he insisted on paying for. It wasn't bad, the restaurant was nice. Expensive. But he had been weird ever since he saw me crying the bathroom the week before, especially because he knew why I was crying without even having to ask. It was almost always weird with us. It was just odd how much we knew about each other without even knowing each other.

"Ugh, I'm still sorry about that! I just hope tonight makes up for it. Ah! He's outside." She exclaims and I quickly finish her braid.

We stand and I grab my jacket. She turns off all the lights in her room, grabbing her jacket on our way out the door. We quickly run from the front porch to Micah's car to avoid feeling the harshness of the cold weather that we were way under dressed for. The car's heat coats my cold skin once we're finally inside.

"Hey boo." Mya says, leaning over the glove-box to kiss Micah on the lips. I look out the window, suddenly feeling awkward being in the car as if I'm intruding on something.

"Hey." He smirks, responding. They've been seeing each other for a few weeks. It's the first time I've ever seen her this love-struck by someone. It took me by surprise but I was happy for her.

"Hey dd." He turns to look at me, calling me by the unapproved nick name he gave me. I give him a lackluster smile back, seeing as he knows how much I hate the nickname.

"Y'all ready ready to go, I'm warning you one last time that these parties can get wild." He says, brushing his dark brown waves forward. He tucks his small gold chain into his shirt. "I can't hear y'all." He flashes his bright white smile at us in anticipation of our responses.