In The Oceans Of Me

To A Younger Me

To a younger me,

Firstly, I'm sorry. I know you were never the type of kid to ponder on the future too much but deep down in that heart of yours there were dreams, or at least seedlings of them. And it's thanks to me that very little of them, years down the line, still have yet to happen. I know they say that dreams have to be worked for but haven't we worked hard enough? If only they'd give us a little helping hand.

More to the point however, we haven't changed all that much. I mean sure, things have happened but we're still essentially the same, still the quiet one, the one with her nose stuck in a book, the one who cannot stop baking. But there are things that have changed. I lost your energy, I lost what little confidence you had left, I lost your physical and mental well-being. I'm sorry. But if it's anything to go by, I built up your resilience, your strength and your personality and crafted you into someone who feels right, who feels more like the person we're eventually supposed to be. But I still have a long way to go yet.

I know things are confusing. You've experienced things no child ever should and you're slipping further and further into yourself and nobody seems to be noticing, but hold on in there okay? I'd love to tell you things get easier and just to give it time but that would be a lie, and lying to myself is something I refuse to do any longer. It's been a hard year or so with some extremely rocky patches before that but know that we'll be okay. I'll try and pull through for you, to make this hell worth living and to give you the life that you deserve. Keep going, you got this.

With love, 2020 Me