Noncandescent

The Book

The following weeks are some of the longest in both Buck and Eddie’s lives, as they settle into a new normal.

The tulips Eddie bought for Buck stay where they are, to the point where they even start wilting.

They eat their meals separately, and at different times, taking turns who gets to eat with Chris.

In between shifts at the firehouse, Eddie can be found in the loft, twisting his wedding ring or holding his medallion in the palm of his hand. He knows this time he has to be patient, however long that takes.

Meanwhile, Buck’s had to get used to sitting in the cafeteria either with Hen, who he’s decided to not hold a grudge against for what she said, or by himself, but after cancelling that one lunch, Ethan never rescheduled, and based on how many times he’s blown Buck off, it’s safe to say he’s not going to.

That being said, Buck uses the time instead to think. About Eddie, Christopher. His marriage. Nothing’s off limits.

Whenever Eddie’s at home, he takes the time to clean up the house, whether it’s dusting, sweeping, or even mopping and waxing.

All of which is done by the time Buck comes home, who has no idea what to think upon seeing it.

Whenever Eddie’s on a call, doing frills, or even going right back out to another call the second they return, he makes sure to stay focused on the job, but really, Buck and Christopher are never too far from his thoughts.

Once, after his run, as Eddie moves to head to his room to change, he notices the door to the guest room.

Without thinking, he walks up to it, hand raised, ready to knock. But just as quickly, he drops it again. Part of recommitting to his marriage means he needs to respect his husband’s desire for distance.

And in between all of this, Eddie becomes more invested in Christopher’s life. Through every school assignment, every exercise, every moment he can, while respecting Buck’s own time with Chris, Eddie’s there.

And through it, he starts to remember what it really means to be there for his son, in a way he now knows he hasn’t been in way too long.

Eventually, Eddie falls into a stride, and even he can see the improvement. He’s faster in his drills, lifting heavier weights, and even taking the time to really read the Love Dare book, to study it in a way he knows he didn’t when he first started.

He does the dishes without having to be reminded, and completely misses when Buck wakes up the next morning to find them all clean and put away.

Just to make sure, he opens a cupboard, and there they are. Clean, and ready to use.

Another thing added to their new normal is Eddie taking Chris to the park for exercise, watching his little Superman go so much further ahead of him, Eddie has to jog just to keep up.

Until one day, when they both happen to be home.

When Eddie gets up, he immediately notices Buck’s bag on the couch, along with his keys.

That tells him something’s up, so he goes to the guest room, only to find his husband lying in bed, curled up under the comforter.

“Buck? Are you okay?”

Buck doesn’t even look up as he blows his nose, telling him, “I’m fine.”

Eddie asks, only to clarify, “Are you heading in today?”

“Nope.”

That’s enough for Eddie to come further in the room, asking, “Are you sick?”

Here, Buck does turn his head slightly to say, “I said I’m fine.”, but there’s no real bite to it.