𝕃𝕆𝕊𝔼ℝ • conan gray

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛𝟠

☹☹☹

It had been a long while since I saw Conan. I never talked to him ever since I let him stay the night in my apartment. I don't think I'd have the guts to do that anymore.

After we talked that night, we both had a mutual decision to just stay as friends for now, but I avoided all kinds of contact with him. I'm basically ghosting him is what I'm trying to say.

I know I'm a straight up pussy, but I can't help it. I really meant what I had told him that night. I'm afraid of getting into a relationship now. I don't want to risk going through all that pain all over again; it's just tiring.

Sometimes though, my mind wanders back to him. I would often wonder how he's doing right now; if he's still writing a million songs everyday, if he drinks iced coffee like his life depends on it, or if he's found someone else.

The latter thought made me uneasy, despite my decision of not wanting to be with him. Yes, I'm scared of going in a relationship again; but that doesn't mean my love for Conan died. And I don't think it'll be going away any sooner.

That's just how complicated of a human I am. I sigh in deep contemplation as I slouched on the couch. "So how are things with Conan?" Alisa snaps me out of my thoughts. I look at her direction to see her invested in the film we were watching, occasionally popping a piece of popcorn or two in her mouth.

It was a fine afternoon and I was in Alisa's apartment. We decided to hang out since none of us had any work to do today.

"I haven't heard from him in a while." the blonde beside me continues. "That's because I preferably don't want to know; and I intend to not hear from him right now." I reply nonchalantly.

I hear Alisa groan from beside me as she throws her head back in annoyance. She knew about what happened between Conan and I, and I had told her we'd remain as friends- which she wholeheartedly disagreed with mind you- but I failed to tell her about the ghosting bit.

Once she found out I was cutting all connections with him, oftentimes she would attempt to persuade me to talk to him. Emphasis on 'attempt'. "Come on, woman! It's been what, a month? And you're still being a little chicken."

"I'm sorry," I raise both of my arms as I face her direction. "I'm not ready yet, okay?"

"Are you sure you're not ready yet? I'm pretty sure you're ready to take things to another level," the blonde states, rubbing her chin in thought. "Something tells me you have cold feet."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" I query, my eyebrows furrowed. "It means you want to be with him, but you're just nervous hon." she explains in a matter-of-factly tone, as if I was supposed to get what she said in the first place.

"C'mon, Prairs. I know that you know you love him. And you want to get him. I think you're ready." she switches into a more serious tone. "Now's your chance to do that. No obnoxious bitch is stopping you now." she makes a sly reference of you-know-who.

"I'll be right back, I gotta refill my bowl with popcorn." Alisa says standing up. She heads toward her kitchen and left me deep in thought. The more I reflected upon it, the more I understood Alisa's point. I do still love him, but I'm just being a little bitch about the whole thing.

And if I'm being honest, I really miss him. I just miss his company; the way he makes me comfortable around him, and how I forget everything else when I'm with him. I miss that warm feeling.

She's right; maybe I should get him now.

Without any second thoughts, I grab my phone. I look for his name in my contacts in such haste. I scroll and scroll until I finally find his number. I dial it and call him; my phone starts ringing. It was taking too long, and I was worried he wouldn't answer. With what I did to him though, I would totally understand if he didn't want to do anything with me anymore.

Just as I start to lose what's left of all the hope I have in me, the call was picked up. "Yes, it is he." I hear him answer from the other side of the call.

God, even his voice I missed.

"We need to talk." I went straight to the point, skipping any trivialities with him. "Prairie?" he asks, a little bit blindsided at the fact that I called after all this time. "I'm sorry we left things on a sour note. I want to fix that." I say, hoping he would say yes. "I'm not sure if I want to..." he remarks and I frown at this.

"Please?" was all I could think of to convince him at this point. There was a long silence over the phone. Thinking I should just end the call, I slowly bring the phone away from my ear when I hear his voice once more.

"Alright, what time?" he sighs. My eyes light up in happiness, and I thank the heavens above. "6:30pm today. I'll text you the location." I say, unable to keep a smile on my face from appearing. "Okay, see you then."

"You too." I say and I end the call. I put my phone down and my smile grows wider; I even start doing fist pumps in the air. "Whatcha so happy about?" Alisa asks as she enters the living room with a bowl of freshly cooked popcorn coated in butter. She sits beside me and starts taking a piece while it's still warm.

"I'm meeting with Conan." I say proudly. Alisa jumped up, resulting in a few kernels of the buttery snack falling off the bowl. "What where when how- excuse me?" she asks like she didn't hear.

Then it sunk in. "Holy shit, I'm meeting with Conan," I say anxiously this time. "What time is it?" I ask the blonde who was now picking up the fallen popcorn pieces. "It's 6:10."

"Oh my god, I'm going now." I say and stand up, grabbing my backpack and putting on my shoes. I quickly make my way to Alisa and clasp her shoulders in my hands. "I'll tell you everything about it when I'm done. Bye, I love you!"

"Love you too. And drive safely!" I hear her say as I exit her apartment, hurriedly making my way to my car. Once I get in the vehicle, I waste no time and start the engine. I then drive off to the location of where Conan and I were supposed to meet. Once I arrive at the destination, I park my car nearby on the side of the road. I check my phone for the time.

6:27pm

I look around for the boy I wished to talk to; I walk around the area. I chose to talk to him on a fairly remote place, which was on some sort of viewing deck where you could see a view of LA. After a few minutes of searching for Conan, I finally find him. He was seated on a bench that faced the breathtaking view of the city.

He must've heard my footsteps approaching as he turned around from his position. Our eyes lock with each other and he gives me a soft smile.

"Hey."

☹☹☹

Have this very confused Cone

God bless and hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!
-iana <3