Special Handling (manxman)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Benji's POV

Ajax and I had a fun easy day, we drove all over Malibu so he could show me  his favourite spots, we did some shopping and took a walk on Zuma Beach.  We never once talked about that morning and whenever I felt like Ajax was moving in that direction, I changed the subject or brought up something that entailed a lengthy discussion.  Anything to avoid talking about the feelings I may or may not be having for him. 

I wasn't even going to begin to think what any of his actions this morning meant.  There was no way I was going to let myself think that he had more than friendly affection for me as his sub. If I did, then there would be no holding back my own feelings and I wasn't emotionally prepared for that fall and the inevitable wreckage when I crashed into a brick wall.  Been there, done that, wrote the book, got the t-shirt, burned the t-shirt.

Instead I kept things light for the rest of the weekend.  That night after a late supper out I excused myself as soon as we got home, asking Ajax if it was okay if I went to bed because I was tired and my throat was hurting a bit.  He was very sweet, getting me some pain reliever and a glass of water.  I left him in the kitchen and climbed the stairs to 'my' room and tucked myself into bed after a warm shower. I felt like a bit of a party pooper, but I really was tired after spending the day keeping up the happy go lucky façade.  I needed to recharge and figure out how to get out of this mood I found myself in.

Sometime after midnight, after laying there thinking about everything, I heard Ajax come up the stairs.  He stepped into my room and I closed my eyes and relaxed my breathing.  The silence told me he was watching me for a few minutes before I felt his hand on my forehead and then a single kiss just above my brow before soft footsteps made their way out of the room and down the hall to his.

A single tear found its way down my cheek and I felt lower than I have in a long time.  I reached over for my phone and texted Jamie.  I needed her words of wisdom more than I have in a long time.  I let out a deep sigh after 10 minutes when there was no reply.

Nobody else would understand.  I thought about texting Peter.  He and I had begun texting back and forth occasionally since we met, but it was late and I didn't think Rob would appreciate if I woke him up.  None of my friends at school would understand, they weren't subs. Then I thought of Quentin, he might know what I'm feeling and we had gotten to know each other pretty well during my training with his Master.  It was late, but he was often at the club very late with Master Phillip on weekend nights.

BJ:  Q?  U around?  It's Benji

Quentin:  Hey BJ!  I'm here, sittin in Master's office waitin 4 club 2 close.  What's up?

BJ:  I don't know, really confused

Quentin:  ?? Is everything ok w/Ajax

BJ: Ya, gr8, almost too gr8

Quentin: That's bad why???

BJ:  Sometimes he treats me like a sub & sometimes like a boyfriend,  I'm scared...I don't want 2 fall 2 hard 4 him

Quentin:  Why not?

BJ:  I'm just his sub, after 3 mos it's goodbye

Quentin: U don't know that, Ajax is like MP, he's a good man, not like other Doms, he wouldn't hurt U, maybe he feels the same...I've been with MP a loooong time, U know, true love :)  <3 xxoo

BJ:   Been hurt b4, they always leave me

Quentin:  Talk to Ajax

BJ:  No!  Can't do that