Chapter 19

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Every week we would still meet in the maintenance room, all of us except Minho. Despite his efforts of still being the same person, he has definitely changed. He wasn't as bold and open as he once was and it was discouraging to both me and Thomas. We missed the Minho we knew and loved, and I think it's safe to say that we both hate WICKED for their idea of punishment. Thomas had opened up to me recently and it gave me hope. He started to see what I saw. He tells me how he wants this all to be over how he wants the cure already and that he doesn't know if he can say that he believes in WICKED anymore. It gave me so much joy to hear that, it was significant progress compared to having full trust in WICKED. It's been almost a year and a half from when Minho was "punished". I woke up earlier than my brother because I don't give myself the extra ten minutes like he does when the alarm hits. These 10 minutes I have before Thomas wakes up is my 10 minutes of alone time. After that, I bend myself to the will and constant need of others. Of course, not all of the people I talk to are like that, but most of them are.

Today when getting our breakfast from Dr. Paige, both Thomas and I noticed the different manners of her. She looked as if something was bothering her. It would be difficult for me to say I hate her, though all of this I do not like her, the choices and decisions she makes are difficult for me to agree with, overall she is the nicest adult in this building. She is the closest thing to a mother that I and Thomas could get. She was about to leave right after giving us our food which wasn't normal as she would always have a little conversation with us. Thomas was the bold one, he is the curious one and that has been one of his faults. Mine of course was my stubbornness.

"What's wrong?"-Thomas

She responds by saying our names followed by saying how our friends will be sent into the mazes soon. After that, she tries to go off-topic. Soon enough Thomas was exposing his concerns to her. I didn't speak but I did listen, I wanted to know what was wrong. I never knew my brother thought like this, and I wonder if the reason he never told me these things was because he is scared that I'm one of them. That got me thinking, do the others think I'm one of them as well? I know I'm just acting but they don't know that.

Dr. Paige then talks about how people are dying constantly from the Flare and how many thousand got it just now. Thomas responds with a very dangerous question.

"So your solution is...take it out on kids?"-Thomas

This triggered Dr. Paige, it was strange to see her so upset. Although her response to him was probably the most ear raping thing I could hear.

"This is a harsh, brutal virus that needs to be dealt with by...using a harsh and brutal will, you two. If you would just stop thinking about how hard things are for you. You have no idea...I'm sorry, the truth is just too hard to talk about."-Dr. Paige

I couldn't believe those words. Was she serious, is she saying how we don't have it hard? For sure, maybe not as hard as others but the way we have been treated throughout these years has been equally as harsh as what you could be going through. Of course, Thomas and I don't have to worry about getting the Flare ever in our lives but what about the stress we would get from watching our loved ones go insane, or keeping the fact that we are the cure a secret. It's killing me so much. I want to tell someone so bad, I've kept this secret for a few years now, I've been keeping the secret quiet to save me and Thomas' lives. So that when we get out of here with the rest of our friends I can save them and ourselves.

She had left the room after saying that. I did as well, I needed to vent my anger and I couldn't do it with anyone around. I went to where I worked. I saw that Thomas had run after Dr. Paige as I went here so I wanted to listen in and asked Thomas to let me hear what he says through my head. He relays what was being told to him. Those words that were being said actually made me feel pity for the people around me.

All of them have seen humanity's destruction. They can remember it and we can't. They know what it's like and also watched their family and friends go through the Flare. They are just mean because it changed them; they have to be strong so that they don't become one of them. It actually made me feel sorry, I was being selfish in my thoughts. Everyone here is equally suffering.

Whatever chance I had at Thomas leaving this place had disappeared when he heard her words. I knew that Thomas is more compassionate towards others than I am. I only care about the ones that I care about, he cares for everyone. All these emotions were taking a toll on me, I couldn't focus and soon became so frustrated I started to cry. Everything was falling apart. I felt like the bad guy, like a selfish jerk for only wanting to save the ones I loved. I felt like I was doomed to stay here forever. I felt like I was trapped. I just leaned on my desk arms hiding my face and cried. None of the doctors bothered me, which I was grateful for, I wouldn't know what to say to them.

"Y/n?"-Newt

"Hey sis, you okay?"-Thomas

Soon enough the voices of my brother and the person I love so much, contacted me through my head.

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