Your First Can Never Be Your Always

Chapter 1

It's dark. I can't see anything. But I feel things, feelings unexplainable yet only attainable to the only person who has the time to explore them deeply. That's me. I'm crowded by thoughts about the fear I inherit with each passing day. I long for clear scents of a pure mind, empty but full of adventure. I await that one moment, an escape to the universe I picture in my head. I will offer my heart to ...

''What are you doing?" asks mother, pulling away the sheets on my cool body.

''I'm up!'' I answered after placing my phone on the table two feet away from me. She startled me during my stalking time. I had not realized that it was 6 am already. All thanks to my mother's hangover!

''You know I-i-mm-m'' pauses ''tired of taking care of you!'' she yelled at my face.

Honestly, I was tired of taking care of her too. Like an obedient child I believed I was, I taught myself to live without her love or at least her attention. I did not blame her for her inability to secure motherly affection. All of us have that one thing we lack and hers is the lack of understanding and accepting humanitarian virtues instilled in all of us.

''Stop standing there! Move! Bathroom! Now!''

Shit, why is the water so cold?

I could hear my mom battle with the cupboard door handles, breaking a few plates and glasses in search of her beer bottles I hid last night after that 'Liberty' guy left the house. I was just trying to help her. Besides she was going to sign in for work the following morning. I was not just going to sit around and watch her lose another job. It was really hard to be used as the rationale for her poor deeds.

''Ma!'' I called out after getting dressed and was on my way out the door to school.

''Stop yelling, I'm in here'' she said, fighting off her irritation with the remote as she tried to change the station.

''The letter.''

''What letter?'' she asked with a bit of excitement in her voice.

I realized she had found Tierra de Reyes on repeat. Disappointedly, I had only watched the introduction the previous night because of that stupid Liberty and their small get-together. By get-together I mean hook-up and by hook-up I mean that I am tired of being a witness to their never ending sexual activities whereby I get to be the one cleaning up the mess they make.

''My excuse note,'' I said crossing my fingers. Such a lame practice for hope especially with my mothere.

''It ain't my fault you don't attend these school functions. I'm not writing that thing.''

''But-''

''But what Liv? I don't want to do this with you right now. Go already!'' instructed mother despite all my efforts to try and convince her I could not attend detention. At least not today. It was a Friday and I had plans to relax and maybe get some sleep.

''And Liv try not to be early tonight Liberty is coming over. I don't know why the both of you don't get along anyway,'' she mumbled on my way out.

I lived eleven kilometers away from the city in a small town called Hillside. It was not really a town but a small neglected suburb, not very posh considering the unpleasant conditions of the common flats there. It was quiet and forgotten. Forgotten by its residents and owners of the building who lived in better and more secure neighborhoods. The country itself lost memory of our existence. We were never mentioned in any of news reports (despite the continuous crimes), sports updates, or at least in the famous maps drawn in every Social Studies textbook for the little children to study and learn about. As a result we stopped caring for each other and focused on the success of our own selves.

There was no modes of local transportation in this neighborhood, making me walk at least three kilometers to the bus stop so I could catch a lift to school, in the city. I walked effortlessly dragging my feet one after the other, with my headphones beating Beyonce's Hold up song. I loved it! It made my morning every time despite the challenges I faced at home. I knew that with her music I could disappear to a different world where I felt empowered to be whatever character that was within me. Today I felt like a tamed fox. 

I reached the Bus stop at exactly 0730hrs and waited for about six minutes for the next bus to arrive. There were not many passengers that day, just the same mechanic who lives two floors above me, Laura the girl who is two grades below me and the kind nurse who exits the bus at 0745hrs every day on 18th Street. In the bus I stared out the clear window to see a blue Ford ranger driven by a man in a classic black suit with his two little daughters giving their mother a bad time pulling and playing mercilessly with her healthy hair. They were both in navy blue Peter Pan collared uniforms similar to the ones worn by the primary school three blocks away from my school-Tennessee High School.

I shifted my attention from the car to my phone and checked the calendar for the activities I had to do on my to-do list for the day. All I could see were capital letters spelling out DETENTION AT 1830hrs. At that moment I swore I would never miss another school just for the sake of it.

Two weeks ago there had been a swimming gala against all the five private schools in the city at the City pool. It was compulsory for all students, especially all seniors to attend. The 'stupid' me decided to stay at home the whole day, laying down comfortably in my PJs and finding pleasure in each episode of Scorpion Season 3. I had desperately needed a break. I was tired of school and the rest of the world.

Unfortunately, the newly selected prefects for 2020-2021 were patrolling now showing that they had a new aim in their lists. To destroy my life. They caught me red-handed for not attending any sporting or social event for the past two years. I was also surprised upon the mention of the two long and dreadful years in that school.

This Friday was a special day for all seniors excluding me. I was going to be stuck in the detention period that I was painfully promised for close to three weeks because of its intensity through the punishment. It was a very renowned occasion hosted every year for the ambitious youth fighting for a better world. The Youth's Social hosted by Tennessee High for only the selected private schools. Pretty classy.

Like prom, it is loved and celebrated in splendid glamour. Teens dress up in their best outfits to make an impression. Teachers are excused from the occasion. No adults, no alcohol just strictly professional conduct. It may sound a bit retarded and unexciting but it was definitely the opposite. It was started to promote young minds, young leaders to exchange ideas and opinions regarding everything pertaining  to politics, business, sports, entertainment etc.

Later on into the night, a celebration begins which is the only time all the rich f***boys wait for. Partying. Extremely guarded partying by cautious organizers for everyone in the city knows of the Youth's Social. All journalists await impatiently for any mistakes or bad mishap to be done during the event so that they reach some sort of judgment about the kind of teenagers in our 'lovely country.' 

I was to be detained on such an occasion so I could be embarrassed and ashamed of my deeds in front of all people smartly dressed. If only they knew I had no interest whatsoever in playing dress-up and hoping the next cleanly dressed handsome hunk walking down the path comes for me and asks me out. Well, I did not care, besides with my headphones on, I could do anything they wanted me to without being pissed about it.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the conductor who loudly informed everyone that we would arrive at our last stop shortly. The beautiful and noisy City center! I desperately longed for this day to end.

**Hope you like it. Vote and comment😊**