Your First Can Never Be Your Always

Chapter 7

Loneliness can be defined as complete sadness or not having a significant emotional connection with at least one other person. Many things such as depression, poor level of thinking, stress, and suicidal thoughts can be derived from loneliness. No other feeling hurts more than the idea of being lonely. This is the reason why most of us end up doing things we have never imagined we would do. These acts either leave a good or bad impact on our youthful lives.

I was born and raised in an incomplete family. It was just my mother and I. Although I knew she did not want me, I always dismissed the thought of her abandoning me. I was so scared that it might happen. I guess a small part of me believed that one day I would wake up with a good mother with good morals and superseding love.

After going through so much pain and disappointments one starts to wonder whether the peace they search for actually exists. You hear lovely souls preach about the beauty and freedom brought along with love and think, why the hell you have never felt that way? Why me? What is my purpose if everything I do just goes south? Do I even have feelings curled up inside me? Will I ever know if I have such feelings?

Olivia's interest in finding out the magic (a bit of emotion) inside her ended when she reached a conclusion that revealed that it was not the right time for her to start dating. As a result she shut every channel that would arouse any sexual or intense emotions. But yet again something about this year's attitude made her want to learn. She wanted to learn why women felt dangerously in love and empowered each time a man told them they were the most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

She finally understood that it was not just about these words but about the mutual understanding shared between two human minds that makes them feel or desire to let go for a second and live in a world existent only for the both of them. He wants nothing but her and so does she. That is the beauty and magical part about love. The ability to enable whoever is hidden in you to be shown to the other single being utterly impressed by you. Olivia had a lot to learn about herself before she allowed herself to fall for someone else.

On her way home from the cinema, Olivia would not stop thinking about the text she had received. It read;

I'm sorry

It was sent from her mother's phone number. She did not fully understand this text but could sense the story behind it. When she arrived at home everything became crystal clear, Mrs Khohliswa had left. She had left Olivia with no money, food and her final two pairs of shoes in better condition than the ones she had on. Only the ones in terrible condition she did not take. That is why she had no other choice than to accept a job offered by a complete rich stranger who had seen her with all those marks indicating her mishaps with her mother

She tried to escape the pain brought along with her mother's elopement through packing her clothes in her sports bag. There was no way the landlord would have allowed Olivia to stay in her apartment for free. She did not own much. All that she owned were a couple of clothes, her last three pairs of shoes and all her school exercise books and textbooks in good condition. Cleaning helped her to think about events taking place in her life. Presently she was seeing no direction and future.

This weakened her so much that she could not congratulate Jayden on his impressive attempt with Reign. It was still daytime so she grabbed the opportunity and slept.

{Knock}

He's here!

''Hey.''

''Hi.''

''You ready?'' asked Toby, forcing himself into the small apartment.

''Um- in a bit,'' I said running to my room to collect my stuff. I was jumpy and sweaty all of a sudden. I had taken a shower and waited for him for over an hour. He was really late.