Flowers From You

chapter fifteen

Hadyn.

The day went by as we converse, bond and cuddle. We didn't laid a second to waste nor a minute. I began to discover about her childhood memories and she discovered mine too. We reminisce about the past leaving behind the blunt and dark ones.

I had my head on her lap as she was sitting near the edge of the couch while watching TV. Silence wrapped between us, but Amara broke off the ice. "Do you remember when we first met?", she asked, bowing down to see my face.

I grabbed her hand that's placed from my side, and divert my attention to it. I caressed and hold it like a precious jewel. "I don't know, it happened so fast", I claimed then kissed her hand.

"I know, if it's a movie, I'd rather play rewind and cherish every moment", she marveled, "If I know we'd be together, I'll never let go of it". I let go of her hand and sat beside her.

I held her hand with mine, "If God let you know what will happen, maybe you won't be thrilled in what would come forth", I said.

"I guess I would chose to be thrilled than to be spoiled", she replied.

"So do I"

We stare at each other, letting all my worries away and letting myself drown to this flustering feeling I have. On one moment to another, she clasp her hand on my cheek, moved closer and pressed her lips against mine. She closed her eyes and mine too, responding on her kiss as she also grip on my hair for support then I–

Flashback~

"YOU'RE INSANE! I'm not cheating on you, leave the boy alone!"

"Oh, you're not? Then why you invite him every day here?"

"He's my delivery boy, he delivers the cakes I baked!"

"Yeah? Does he delivers you some smooching business, huh?!"

"NO, HE DON'T!"

"You're denying it, YOU'RE CLEARLY DENYING IT"

"No, Quinn, no. Please, believe me!"

***THUD***

End of Flashback~

I parted away from the kiss leaving her shock. "Are you okay?", she asked.

I turned my hands into fists and set them on my hands. I shook my head, screaming loud and sobbing, "You're not real".

"No, Hadyn, I'm here", she claimed, leaning closer but I haul off before she deceives me.

"YOU'RE NOT REAL!", I belted and bolted off the house crying along the way. I ran so fast that I let my feet led me whenever I go. I let my mind wonder anything but not to Amara.

I don't want to be deceived, I don't want her to manipulate me. She's not real, she's just in my mind.

"Hadyn, wait!", Amara called, jogging behind me.

"No, you're not real, you're not real", I reminded myself, continuously running far from her as fast as I can. I cried and cried, thinking of what I have done to myself. What I have gotten to be.

I'm getting crazy, shit. All I know is to be happy again, to be someone I used to be with my father, but my mind knew who's the best one to give me joy.

But, no, don't think of her, don't look back, just keep running.

I let my feet go keep running, letting it lead me somewhere, somewhere far until I found myself in the village's playground.

The playground where it all started.

I wiped my tears, remembering this place delights me. Remembering the time when I met Amoret makes me grin. I didn't know that time that I'd met her that day and make her smile. I didn't know that it would be the start of our friendship.

I didn't know that I needed her until this time.

I need her, but I can't tell her everything.

I need her, but I must stay away.

I need her, but I'm scared she'll worry about me. I'm scared that I'll add up her troubles.

But if I need her so badly, why can't I just open up to her? It's complicated. I don't want her to know what I'm doing lately these days. I don't want her to know about Amara. I don't want her to see the darkness that abides in me.

In spite of that, I missed her embrace, her positivity and her grin. How she tease me, and how we bond together like no one is watching us. I miss those things, but I can't just let her know about this, every single thing.

She mustn't know a thing nor a tittle of this insanity.

While I was reminiscing about her, she called. I stared at her caller I.D. not knowing what to do or say. Sitting on the grass, I pity myself. I feel sorry for myself, keeping things from her, at the same time, needing her to comfort me.

I stopped crying, sniffing away the phlegm on my handkerchief and clearing my throat. I still don't know what to say, but I just uttered the first thing I had in mind. An excuse.

I answered the call, "Hello? *cough* *cough*", I said while pretending I was coughing with my voice, hoping she won't notice that it was an act.

["Oh my, Hadyn. Are you okay?"], she asked with worry. It made my heart ache hearing her voice, but I kept acting.

"Y-yeah, *cough* I'm just quite unwell", I stammered with my voice breaking.

["Okay, I'll visit you in your room after class so I"], she said but I cut me off. I panic at what she has said, she might saw something that she mustn't.

"NO", I greatly disapproved, "I mean, *cough* no, I'll be just fine. My mother will take care of me. No need to visit me after class, it'll just waste your time".

["No, it won't be a waste of time but, are you sure?"], she asked.

"I do, *cough* visit me then if I've gone for a week or longer than that", I affirmed, "Bye. I'll need more time to rest", then I ended the call, which was too soon.

I heave my shoulders as I panted.

A liar, fool, coward, insane, crazy, wretch, naïve, immature and reckless, maybe those words can describe me. I feel so useless, I don't deserve anyone in my life.

I screamed, forcing this madness release from me, thinking that it would wash all the sadness away. But no, it only broke my throat. I sobbed like a baby, wrapped my body with my arms as depression hits me hard.

I wish Amoret was here.

to be continued...