"Finding Him"

Chapter I

*Christina's Point of View*

I kept tossing and turning, no matter what I did I just couldn't sleep. All I could think about were my deepest desires... my deepest fantasies.... and my secret that continually remains a part of me and will forever remain. I laid there staring at the ceiling as my mind continually slipped and wondered. I slowly moved my head and glanced to my right to read the alarm clock that read 4:30AM.
"Ughh, why I can't I sleep?" I thought to myself. I looked in front of my room and stared at the pile of diapers that laid in the corner that were practically calling my name. Suddenly, I couldn't resist. I needed them, and I wanted them. I felt my heart pulling me and easing me out of bed and walking over to the pile. I quickly picked up two as quickly as I could, and I just stood there and admired it. I could just feel my heart skipping beats when I had them in my hand. The smell... the crinkle... the assurance and protection it brought I needed one on... maybe two... and I need it now. Before I could even blink, I was laying on the bed and applying the powder and pulling the front portion of the diaper to my skin as quickly as I could. All I could think about was the crinkles and the amount of comfort, protection, and safety it already made me feel before I even taped it. I had gotten all the tapes fastened one by one and I just laid there full of emotion... as thoughts flooded my mind of how truly amazing this soft and crinkly diaper felt.

One might ask, how did I get here you might ask and who is Christina?

Well... hi, my name is Christina, and my life is kind of crazy. I am 23-year-old with medium length brown wavy hair, light blue eyes, and 5'3''. I am a lawyer with a minor in psychology. I live all by myself in New York City. On the side, I am huge into photography. But, not just any photography but ABDL centered photography: dealing little products and photography sessions for other littles. (Hence as to why there are stashes of diapers everywhere in my apartment.) You see, when I was 17, I have always been fascinated by law and psychology. When I studied psychology in High School, I always wondered what made people think the way they do, act the way they do, and overall what makes people's brains "tick" the way they do. My senior year I was in this psychology class and there was a project that made us dig further into psychology and a different variety of concepts and throughout my studies I stumbled across an article that was very psychology based about the ABDL community. What once was a quick research project turned into days of research and intense fascination. Something clicked that day for me, and it was this indescribable feeling. Once I studied it out a little further, I finally put the idea to rest, but for some reason it was always in the back of my mind. My first semester of college when my psychology studies continued the idea to try this whole ABDL concept crossed my mind. So, what did I do? I bought a two pack of bambino diapers, a paci, and my first little outfit. That day is what started it all. I remember fluffing the diaper and adding powder and slowly pulling the front of it over to secure the tapes. That was one of the most amazing feelings! I slipped my pink paci in ever so slowly and slipped the dress on over my head. I stood in front of the mirror fixing my hair into pigtails and I recognized that I slowly fell in love with it. Once that desire was fulfilled, I couldn't even imagine my life without it.

And now, here I am, years later still pursuing something that means the world to me. And, as I continued to lay here I realized how happy these simple things made me feel so protected, so loved, and filled with safety. My thoughts continued, "Oh, how I wish I could just help one realize how amazing these truly are...how amazing these feelings truly are at being able to release tensions and just being able to truly relax. I mean, I definitely wish that I could share moments such as this with someone." My mind kept continually wandering... and I kept thinking of all my other friends in the community who have that md/lb dynamic and wishing I could pursue such things of my own. Immediately I sat up in bed and thought about what it would be like to continually provide assurance to a little of my very own. I mean, I guess I had always thought about the idea, but I had never truly contemplated it this seriously until now. I slowly laid back down as I just felt this overwhelming and burning "mommy" desire to care and teach another little consume me. I realized that all I wanted to do was teach a little of my own that nothing in life is bad and that one can truly learn to trust again. My mind continually kept racing through different scenarios and situations of having a little girl of my very own, and eventually my heart kept racing and the desire continued to grow. Eventually, my mind was coming up with so many ideas that made me produce so many different feelings and overwhelming desires that I couldn't control to the point of exhaustion. Next thing I knew, my eyes grew heavy and my world was black.

** BEEP, BEEP, BEEP**

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock going off and immediately I sat up only to recall the events that had happened just previous hours before. I looked down and felt the diaper that was now soaked and wrapped securely around my legs. So many emotions of drive and safety flooded my mind, and I knew I wanted to share these same feelings I experience with someone else. I grinned when I recalled the thoughts that had been running previously through my head as well, and I thought to myself out loud...

"I'm going to find myself a baby boy."