"Finding Him"

Chapter III

There I was, in the taxi, literally five minutes away from Rebecca's apartment. My mommy dreams, senses, and desires continually filled my mind and it's almost like becoming a mommy was so close within my grasp. Now, I knew better than to get my hopes up, but I could I not with such a community? It is hard to find someone who understands and accepts you for you! And, let's face it, in the "vanilla" dating world typical guys don't really appreciate or want to have a 23-year-old who wears diapers and acts like a 3-year-old toddler as their girlfriend or let alone be bossed by their girlfriend telling them to wear a diaper and act like the 3-year-old. However, for me personally, I have managed to stumble across one or two individuals in the "vanilla" dating world who I felt like I knew they would embrace me for me if I were to tell them. And sure enough, after dating the first guy for 8 months I told him, and he totally accepted it and welcomed me with open arms. We would sometimes find times to have a bit of daddy/little time but for some reason something just felt "off." Looking back, I feel what it really boiled down to is that our vanilla foundation wasn't secure enough with communication, patience, and understanding and thus throwing in another dynamic drowned our overall relationship completely.

About a year or so later I found another guy who I felt like had the sweetest heart and most welcoming attitude and mentality towards others. We dated for 9 months and I told him about my "secretive" side and he completely opened and shared his "secretive" desires of domination in which he never pursued or thought about until I shared with him my story. When he told me, I was completely caught off guard and I felt like I didn't know what to say. It was almost like my perfect match just clicked and it was the most amazing feeling ever. We had many different occasions where we would just be in our own "little world" and it almost felt like moments of relief for me. Unfortunately, things did not work out. He was headed on a different path of his life and I was headed in my own direction of my life as well. No matter how much we hated to admit it we tried to hang on. Because of this, it led to stress for each of us and emotional and mental abuse. That's when I knew I couldn't let my life live on like that much longer.

Although I know that there are some "vanilla" individuals in the world that understand, for me personally, I knew that NOTHING could be compared to what it's like to find someone in the ABDL community. And my hopes was that someday, I would find someone who I wouldn't have to hide my true self from at the start of the relationship. I didn't want to have to lay in my bed anymore at night and stare at the ceiling and ponder how I was going to explain my "secret" to my loved one. I didn't want to live in fear anymore and have to live day-by-day through hope that they would accept me, it just wasn't fair...

"Lady? Hey Lady! You okay?" yelled the taxi driver from the front seat

*I shake my head out of my daze and I look to my right and see that we are parked by the curb right in front of Rebecca's apartment building. I quickly make eye contact with the driver*

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! Yes, I am okay. How much?"

"It'll be 15 dollars lady," he snapped back.

*I quickly reached for my purse and moved various items within the bag to find my wallet. I paid the driver and thanked him as I quickly managed to open the door, slip out the car, and (although my legs felt like jelly) stand on the sidewalk, slowly managing to close the car door behind me. The driver in the taxi quickly took off and there I was left standing alone in front of Rebecca's apartment building with my legs feeling like jello and my heart beating so fast I could swear it was skipping beats with my palms sweating like they were just dipped in a bucket of water. I managed to pull myself together and slowly made my way up the front steps and into the front doorway where I rung into the apartment complex to gain entry. Once I heard the beep, I quickly opened the front entrance door and made my way up to Rebecca's apartment on the second floor. Each step felt like an eternity and the walk down to the end of the second-floor hallway was agonizing. Finally, there I was standing in front of apartment 210 trying to capture all my emotions, thoughts, and feelings but I didn't know how. Eventually, I somehow managed to knock on Rebecca's door waiting for her reply to come echoing through from the other side of the door and nothing. A minute or so went by before I attempted the second knock and before I could get the chance the door swung open revealing Rebecca's tired face*