"Finding Him"

Chapter VII

*I sat in the chair so humiliated as my face turned to brightest red possible. After Rebecca last spoke it seemed as if the room got awkwardly quiet. I could feel Landon, Rebecca, and Kyle all staring down at me as I was squirming in the chair from the uncomfortable silence. To reassure me, Landon then placed one hand on my shoulder. *

Landon: "You know what Rebecca, that sounds like so much fun! You get to see CeCe's little side? I would love to see that one day."

*My heart skipped a beat as Landon spoke those words. Did he really mean what he said? I peaked over my shoulder to see Landon smiling down at me. I quickly snapped my head back to Rebecca and Kyle across the room and just glared at them-but they were both still smiling back at me. The room for a few moments was silent and calm. Then, Kyle glanced down at his watch and then the silence broke.*

Kyle: "Well... look at the time Landon. It's already 1 o'clock, we have meetings at 1:45. It seems that we should probably be responsible adults now and get going."

*Everyone then lets out this subtle chuckle and then I heard Landon let out this subtle sigh clearly showing how saddened he was that they had to go.*

Landon: "I think you're right Kyle, we should probably go. It sucks we have these last-minute conference meetings on a Saturday though."

*'No kidding,' I thought to myself. I didn't want Landon to leave. Rebecca starts to walk over to the entryway to pack away Kyle's important work necessities in his briefcase and Landon just remained standing over me. I felt Landon remove his hand from off my shoulder and walk around me to sit in the chair next to me. He sat down so he could finally making eye-contact me, leaned in a bit, and just gave this gentle smile.*

Landon: "Cece, being a little and wanting to be a little isn't an embarrassing thing. It should be embraced! I hope you don't mind but Rebecca gave me minor details about the past. Isn't it time to let yourself heal?"

*I noticed as my eyes got a bit teary eyed. I tried to look down at the floor, so Landon didn't have to see me cry. Just then he took his finger, lifted my chin up, wiped the tear rolling down my cheek, and once again gave this gentle smile. I finally smiled back and managed responded through my crying. *

Me: "Thank you Landon. You're pretty amazing."

Landon: "So are you Cece. You should give yourself some credit."

*Just then he nodded and started to walk to the entryway to meet with Kyle to get ready to leave.*

*So many different thoughts of how to respond kept racing through my mind. I knew he was right. But after being so vulnerable, opening that side of me to people, and getting hurt various times a part of me was like how could I ever embrace this? I have spent so many moments of my life caring for other littles, being there for other people, uplifting others in the community, and I have neglected to let my little side find solace and healing again. Maybe it was time?*

*My deep thoughts were interrupted when I heard Rebecca shouting from the door.*

Rebecca: "See you later boys!"

*After that I heard the door shut, lock, and then Rebecca's footsteps walk back down the hallway from the entryway to where I was sitting. I quickly tried to wipe my other tears and smile- so she didn't get too worried. When we finally made eye contact I could tell that she knew I was scared and just so emotional about what Landon had said.*

Rebecca: "Cece... are you okay? Do you want to talk?"

*As she asked me that question she walked directly to me and just gave me the biggest hug.*