in which Ricky Bowen and Nini Salazar-Roberts don't like each other.
no, really, they have no feelings whatsoever towards each other.
but that's not what the public thinks.
(or in which ricky and nini are starring in the same tv show and their mana...
chloe this is for you even if you don't deserve it
also it's thirst tweets so somewhat explicit content in this chapter (most of these aren't mines because I do not have the imagination or mental energy to come up with wild thirst tweets)
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NINI: Hi it's Nini Salazar-Roberts! RICKY: And Ricky Bowen. NINI: And today on buzzfeed we are reacting to thirst tweets about ourselves!
NINI: Is this gonna be a couple's version or we're both reacting to tweets about one of us or... INTERVIEWER: We're not telling. NINI: Well that's very ominous. RICKY: Let's get started! NINI: You should not be this excited. RICKY: I am thrilled. [reaches in the bowl, picks up a piece of paper] Ricky Bowen could use my face as a trampoline. This one's not that bad! NINI: I swear to God Ricky you just manifested weird ass thirst tweets. [picks a paper] I want Nini to run me over with her car, then use my crumpled corpse to wipe her car and after use me to avoid puddles in the street. What did I say. RICKY: It's funny that they think you have a car or know how to use one. I have to drive you everywhere. NINI: That's why I'd run them over. This is quite in-universe actually.
RICKY: [reaches in the bowl] Imagine if I just pick up one of my thirst tweets for you. NINI: You know people are actually gonna believe you have ones if you say that. RICKY: Don't worry babe they're all in my drafts. [winks, picks a piece of paper] I would sell all of my organs on the black market and give away my rights to all of my future children just to have a threesome with Nini and Ricky and I mean it. That's quite nice. I don't share though, sorry sweets. NINI: How does one even access the black market? RICKY: Very smooth way to mask your involvement in the black market. NINI: Thanks. I hope my oblivious act wasn't too much. RICKY: It was perfect don't worry.
NINI: [picks a paper] I want Nini Salazar-Roberts to peg me. Aw, Ricky, is this your thirst tweet? RICKY: [bursts laughing, can't stop]
RICKY: [picks a paper] I don't even know how but I want to suck on Ricky's arms. NINI: I hate the image this one gave me. RICKY: I think I'm gonna have to pass on the arm sucking.
NINI: [picks a paper] Bisexual culture is not knowing who you want to fuck more, Nini or Ricky. That's a nice one! RICKY: Does this mean I'm not actually bi because I can only relate to half of this one? NINI: I always knew you had fantasies about yourself. RICKY: I'm just so attractive.
NINI: Not to manifest here but I feel like it hasn't been that bad. RICKY: You're literally manifesting. NINI: I'm not let me knock on wood. [knocks on the wood of the chair, picks up a paper] I want Nini to climb inside my asshole and wear me as a costume. [pauses] I don't know what to say. RICKY: Say yes this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. NINI: I'm unsure about the logistics of it. RICKY: Why are you thinking about the logistics? Don't!
RICKY: [picks paper] I want Nini and Ricky to fuck me so hard my best friend's kids's kids inherit their features. NINI: [opens her mouth to talk] RICKY: [cuts her] Don't talk about logistics! NINI: I wasn't going to! RICKY: What were you going to say then? NINI: [opens her mouth, closes it]
NINI: [picks paper] Oh this one is a little conversation. Love the dedication. RICKY: They wanted to sell their stories and I respect them for it. NINI: me: I don't have a twitter account, sir. judge: but on 2/20 you tweeted "Ricky Bowen needs to spread his seed on my back like nutella." me: and what about it. RICKY: ...That sure is a story. NINI: I can't believe I wish we could go back to the asshole costume days.
RICKY: Do you guys know what the thirst tweets are? Yes? Does it get better? Why won't you answer me? NINI: Remember when you were thrilled about this. RICKY: I'm still are. Now I'm just scared too. I can multitask. [picks a paper] Nini Salzberts is so lucky. She gets to touch Ricky Bowen's penis anytime she wants. [pauses] I'm officially not thrilled about this anymore. NINI: I do not get to touch it anytime I want because consent! Very important to make sure your partner also wants it and always asks, even if you're dating. RICKY: At least people can come out of this video with a life lesson. NINI: When consent isn't a life lesson anymore, then I will finally know peace.
NINI: Alright we only have two more we're almost done. [picks a paper] Fuck omg Ricky Bowen could- I'm not saying it. RICKY: Come on, just say it. Don't be one of those celebrities that don't say one of the tweets. They're boring and they suck. NINI: Nah, I can't. RICKY: You're a pussy. [grabs the paper] Fuck omg Ricky Bowen could fucking shove his cock in my eye socket and nut on my skull. NINI: Do you regret saying it now? RICKY: Very much so.
RICKY: Last one guys! NINI: I'm finally seeing the light and it is beautiful. RICKY: [picks last paper, shows the bowl is empty to the camera] I want to eat a rack of ribs off Nini's chest. Suck some ranch off them thighs, eat some cupcakes off them nipples just lawd! NINI: I'm not even phased anymore. RICKY: I like that it has a theme. NINI: Sadly I am vegan so it would have to be faux-meat ribs. I hope this won't be a issue. RICKY: [smirks] Don't worry I'll make due with what I have. NINI: I will officially not be on the internet for the next week to avoid the fallout of all the bullshit Ricky said in this video! RICKY: It's not bullshit. [winks at the camera, Nini hits her forehead with her hand]
NINI: Well this was definitely an experience. RICKY: You know what I'm glad I lived it. I get to say I reacted to thirst tweets. NINI: Anyway in case you forgot even though our names kept being mentioned in the video, we're Nini Salazar-Roberts and Ricky Bowen and you can catch us on season 2 of Clique Seven out now!
