This is the story of Pedro Sorenson, a crazy son of a bitch who steals llamas. It makes no sense and is really what happens when I try to be creative while tired. This is trash have a good time.
(Anything stupid and offensive said in the parts do no...
Pedro woke up in a cold sweat, filled with fear from the dream. He was still sad over Wario. He downed an entire beer because why not. He got up and walked to his bathroom, taking a massive gamer shit. What a wacky, funny adventure. He flushed, washed his hands and walked out. He thought for a moment about llamas and stuff, just kind of abstract thoughts as his mind fully exited dreams.
Something was pulling him to start the day. It was 2 am and he got 1 hour of sleep but he still felt the need too, strangely. He sighed and walked up to his first level (remember he lives underground).
It was cold, as it felt for the past few days.
7 days passed since Wario's death. Every night since then had been filled with nightmares and horror. Nothing good had come. He hoped, finally being back home, he would be better.
He grabbed a net, a shotgun, and some bisexual people, shoving them all up his rectum where he keeps all important items. Its just what he needs for the llama hunting.
He stepped outside into the open air, hot and raining. Pedro lived in the swampy part of Florida. He walked down the hills to the gulch.
In the bog, he saw only rats, so he left for the marsh
In the marsh, he saw weird shadowy forms about, screaming and raging, so he left there quick, and headed for the mire.
The mire is on fire. Whoops. Better head for the swamp.
But oh wait, the swamp has been tapped to play Dark Ritual, and add 3 black mana to your mana pool. That won't do.
'Quagmire' is another word for swamp apparently, but frankly Pedro wasn't ready for the comedic genius of the cutaway gag.
He saw finally something that would work, the moor of F-Man, and his sidekick, F-Boy.
This was a dangerous place to trek, but his only option.
Crawling through the moor, he saw 3 llamas, and grabbed his net, throwing it at the llamas, and it caught 1, but the second ran off, and the third just walked out of the way, and laughed.
"IM NOT ACTUALLY A LLAMA! BITCH!" Said the 3rd llama, as he took of the costume, revealing F-Boy, or as his full name was, FemBoy!
"I'll defend my master! I'll fuck you hard!" Yelled FemBoy as he charged towards Pedro. Pedro took out his shotgun and shot him in the legs. FemBoy fell to his knees, crying in agony.
"WHAT THE FUCK! AGGHHHFHH! ARE YOU HOMOPHOBIC OR SOME SHIT!???! WHYYYY?????" Yelled FemBoy
"Listen. I probably am gay, but I'm not dealing with your antics! I'm hunting llamas." Replied Pedro, and he then said "Your coming with me." as he shoved FemBoy into his anal inventory. (Its actually 100% clean and more of a pocket dimension than anything.)
An alligator was flung at Pedro. F-Man (Florida Man) was here, and Pedro looked to see him. He was in a tractor with swords, guns, and bibles taped to it. Pedro ran from him, hiding behind a tree. Suddenly, he saw it.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
It was the Golden Llama! The rarest non-boss llama, ranked at SSSL (Super Supra supremely Legendary)
Pedro wanted to catch it. He tried to fire FemBoy and the Bisexual person at it, but nothing exited his rear. He needed to chase it himself. He ran towards it as it ran far away, and Pedro chased it for hours. The llama ran down eventually into the city, not Miami, but somewhere else?
The llama ran into the heart of the city, which was all grey. Pedro chased it, and ran between two buildings, into a light.
...
...What?
What happened?...
!!!: SIRE, IT'S TIME!!!
???: Excellent!
>Pedro finds himself somewhere new, somewhere like never before...
>This realm is strange and different, appearing like a city but much vaster and stranger...
>Pedro steps forward, finding himself on the bridge..
>Pedro gets used to the new format of text...
PEDRO: Hello...? Golden llama...? Dr. Corn...? FloridaMan...? Anyone...?
>Pedro now understands that the line above is how dialogue is now displayed in this new world.
>The audience wants a visual
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
