"Just that I'm really grateful for everything. You saving me, and letting me stay here, and now accepting me as your ward to help me get where I want to be. I'll try really hard to be good, and not let you down. And...don't feel like you have to be too nice. I'm okay with strict, too."
"Do you prefer strict?"
"I think sometimes, yes. But not, like, out-of-control strict, you know? Just...firm."
"That's good to know; thank you for telling me that. Is anything else on your mind? Questions?"
"I can't think of anything else. Oh! What should I call you? You know, during high protocol?"
"I'd prefer 'Miss'. I'm not ready to be a ma'am yet," Kara said.
Ashley gave a little chuckle. "Okay. Thank you, Miss. That's all my questions for now, I think."
Kara took a deep breath, then opened the shoe box that was on the couch beside her. She reached in and drew out a black, leather collar with a silver buckle. As her fingers touched the smooth, inch-wide band it brought a flood of memories rushing back. Even after so many years, her fingertips remembered the feel of her first real collar.
"Back..." she started, then had to clear her suddenly raspy throat. She took another breath and let it out slowly. Ashley looked on.
"Back when I was a little older than you are now, I was lost. I was on a bad road, and it was leading me further into darkness every day." She paused as her eyes welled with tears. She stroked the pad of her thumb over the shiny, black leather of the collar.
She missed him so much.
"I felt a lot of despair and...and the guys I was meeting were...they were not good guys. I kept looking, hoping, but it just seemed to get worse and worse. I was always scared, always hurting, but I kept going back because it was all I could think of. I didn't see any better options."
Hot tears overflowed and ran down her cheeks. She took another steadying breath. Ashley's eyes were wide.
"I kept putting myself in scenes that were more and more dangerous. I guess I stopped caring. Just got numb to it all."
Kara sniffed and wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand. Emotion was thick in the quiet living room.
"But when things were at their worst and I was...I was having really dark thoughts, I finally met a good man. An older guy, seventeen years older. He was gentle and thoughtful. He made me feel safe and confident. When I was with him, I could let go and be my real self. I'd been seeing him for six months when he gave me a collar."
Kara held the collar out so Ashley could see it. The younger woman was getting misty, too, her teary eyes still gazing up into Kara's. She knew by now where this was leading.
"I became his." Kara reached down and slowly looped the collar around Ashley's neck, sliding it under her hair at the back. "This collar saved my life. I truly believe that. It literally saved my life. I wore it for two years before he got me a different one."
Kara fastened the buckle, making sure it wasn't too tight or too loose.
"But THIS is the collar that saved me. It's the most important thing I own. The most important thing I've ever owned."
Ashley was overcome, bottom lip quivering, sniffling, tears flowing silently. Kara could feel herself close to breaking down completely. She reached out with both hands, cradled Ashley's cheeks and looked down into her watery, emerald eyes.
"Please wear it with honour and pride."
Then Kara dissolved into heartbroken sobs. And when Ashley stood and wrapped her in a tight hug, Kara returned it, grateful to have someone to share her terrible burden of grief, even in a small way.
*
The crying went on for more than half an hour. Ashley held her the entire time, weeping herself. Gradually, tears gave way to a desire for ice cream cake and alcohol.
This was supposed to be a celebration, after all!
Kara got up and started brewing coffee for her Irish Coffee, then took the cake out of the freezer. Ashley had followed her to the kitchen and leaned against a counter, a faraway look in her eyes as she caressed the leather band around her neck reverently.
"Looks good on you," Kara said, enjoying how it contrasted with her pale skin, yet matched her hair almost perfectly.
"It's my first collar," Ashley said, still unfocused. Then she looked into Kara's eyes. "Are you sure about this? I mean, this is...so special. Like, maybe too much?"
"It's yours, now and always."
"I don't know how to thank you for something like this. I'm kind of in shock. This is the best gift ever."
Kara pulled her into a gentle hug.
"You can thank me by doing your best, every day. And I'm here to help you. You're not alone; we're in this together."
"Hey, you're making me cry again," Ashley protested, but didn't pull back from the hug.
"Well I can't be the only one," Kara said, then stepped back. "Cut the cake and take it out to the leaving room. I'll be there with the Irish Coffee in a few."
The cake was delicious, although too rich to have more than a slice. The Irish Coffee hit the spot. Maybe a little too strong, but the added bite of alcohol wasn't unwelcome just then. Kara felt herself loosening up, and she hoped Ashley was feeling more relaxed as well.
Kara sat on the couch and Ashley was cross-legged on the cushion on the floor. That was a high-protocol rule - whenever they were seated together, Ashley would be at her feet. But even in low protocol the young woman seemed eager to embrace the tangible symbol of her new status.
They discussed the other rules too, as they sipped and Ashley downed a second slice of cake.
The 'eyes' rule was another high-protocol directive. When Kara was present, Ashley's gaze would be directed either to the floor in front of her, or watching Kara's face attentively, not wandering absently around the room.
The only other rule Kara decided to implement was to put Ashley in charge of all the household chores except cooking, which Kara enjoyed and kept for herself. But dishes, laundry, bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, and other domestic duties now belonged to her ward. Ashley had readily agreed, pointing out that since she wasn't paying rent or expenses, it was fair for her to do the housework.
Three rules was plenty to start with.
They passed some time with small talk. Kara learned that Ashley was estranged from her parents and had a younger brother she never saw anymore. Kara told her about her own sister and nephews, and her parents who lived in Victoria. None of them were aware of her kink lifestyle, and had not-too-subtly hinted that her marriage to a man seventeen years her senior - and the related decision not to have children - was a major mistake. But they'd been pleasant to Peter's face, at least, and that counted for something.
By mid-afternoon Kara was enjoying the combination of a sugar rush and a mild buzz brought on by the liqueur. Ashley felt it too - she shifted restlessly on her cushion, her eyes on Kara's.
"May I speak, Miss?" she asked.
"It's low protocol, Ash," Kara said, deliberately shortening her name to emphasize the informality. "And you can ALWAYS speak. No need to ask."
"Thank you. I was wondering if there was anything you wanted me to do. I'm excited to get started."
Get started? Hadn't they already started?
Kara realized that Ashley wanted to be actively directed; to be assigned tasks and to have her time structured. It made sense - she'd said that Chad kept her on a 'rigid schedule' for the three years of that relationship. Small wonder that idleness made the young woman feel a little...impatient. Kara didn't plan to micro-manage her that strongly, but figured in the beginning she could accommodate her, to make her more comfortable.
"Hmm. Well, since you asked, I think I'd enjoy a foot massage. Would you be comfortable with that?"
Ashley's eyes widened and Kara thought she saw a look of anxiety on her face, but it was gone a moment later. Kara cursed herself for the misstep - it had seemed an innocent enough request, but obviously it was too much intimacy, too soon. Being the one in charge was harder than it looked!
"That's okay, maybe we'll save that for later. How about we get online and look for some clothes for you?" Kara said.
If anything, the retreat made things worse; Ashley's expression became almost panicked.
"No...wait! I'm sorry. Please allow me to massage your feet, Miss? Please?" Without waiting for a response, Ashley knelt on the cushion and lifted Kara's right foot into her lap and peeled off the sock.
Kara didn't know what to do. Should she allow it, which clearly made the young woman uncomfortable? Or decline it, which ALSO made her uncomfortable? There didn't seem to be a correct answer here, so Kara decided to remain passive.
Ashley hesitated for a moment as she looked down at the foot in her lap, then gently stroked the top and sides with the palm of her hand as though she were petting a cat. She paused again before repeating the motion. She avoided the toes and soles as though not sure what to make of them.
She didn't know how to give a foot massage. That was the problem! Kara almost sighed in relief as the mystery of her ward's nervousness was revealed. She couldn't obey the command, but didn't know how to refuse.
"Ash?"
"Yes, Miss?"
"Is this the first time you've done this?"
Ashley's shoulders slumped and she kept her head lowered. "Yes, Miss," her voice was quiet and full of shame, "I'm sorry it's no good. I'll accept whatever punishment you decide."
Kara put her feet on the floor and leaned forward.
"Hey, look at me."
Her ward reluctantly lifted her eyes off the floor.
"If you didn't know how to give a foot massage, why didn't you just say that?"
"I promised to be obedient. A slave doesn't make excuses for failure."
Kara took a few moments to figure out how to go forward. Ashley had failed the principle of 'honesty', but had followed the principle of 'obedience' too perfectly. Kara realized her high-minded Five Principles had trapped poor Ashley in a contradiction. Her very first command as a Dominant had been a failure!
So what was the best response? Stern? Apologetic? Forgiving? Should she retreat on the concept of Five Principles? Was it too late to ask for a do-over? How could having control be so difficult?
Kara opted for a warm, soft tone.
"Thank you for your obedience. I know it takes a lot of guts to try something you're not good at and I'm really happy you made the effort for me."
Ashely's face showed confusion. She'd been expecting a reprimand but got thanks and praise instead.
"I don't know all your strengths and talents yet," Kara continued. "So if I ask you to do something and you don't know how, please say so. As your governess, it's my job to teach you these things."
"Okay. I'm really sorry about that."
Kara gave her cheek an affectionate rub with her palm. "No need to be sorry, I'm really pleased with you. Now, let's switch places."
"Um...okay. Why?"
"I'm going to give you a foot massage."
"Me? But...why?"
"To show you what's involved, and because I'll enjoy massaging your feet."
Looking bewildered, Ashley sat on the couch and Kara knelt in front of her and removed the younger woman's socks.
"Please tell me if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, okay? This shouldn't hurt at all."
Ashley nodded.
Kara began with the right foot, holding it in her warm hands and starting down by the heel, squeezing, flexing and gently rotating the ankle. Her touch was practiced; she'd given hundreds of massages like this one over the last fourteen years, though none to a foot so small and soft. When she began pressing her thumbs into the sole she was rewarded with a sigh from her ward.
"Wow...this is amazing," Ashley said.
Kara glanced up at her and winked, then looked back down at the dainty foot in her hands.
"Peter was a carpenter when I first met him. He did mostly kitchen cabinets and some custom orders for people who could afford it. He was on his feet pretty much all day, wearing heavy steel-toe work boots. We'd get together in the evenings. I'd complain about my dead-end retail job and he'd grumble about his sore feet."
When Kara glanced up again, Ashley was following the story with interest. Kara continued to work on her sole.
"I was madly in love with him and after he collared me I decided I really wanted to do something to make his feet feel better."
"It's always smart to keep your Master in a good mood," Ashley agreed.
Kara shook her head. "No, that's not it. I WANTED to make his feet feel better. I loved him and didn't want him to be in pain. He didn't ask me to do it, or threaten me if I didn't. I served him because his happiness was really important to me."
"So you did it without being told?"
