All For The Cameras (Zariana)

Chapter 9

This chapters song-
Fool's Gold - One Direction

Hopefully this answers any questions you might have about the book!!

Enjoy! Xx

ELEANOR

Watching Zayn and Ariana at the BRITs was honestly making me sick.

Last time I'd ever seen Zayn that happy was with Perrie, and it was no secret that hadn't ended well, everyone, me, Sophia, the boys, and honestly most of the fans know how that ended.

Not well.

The saddest thing was, Perrie had been my friend, one of my closest too.

We knew everything about each other, and the saddest part about it now is that I don't know if her friendship was ever real. I'm guessing that it wasn't. That it was just to get the rest of us to believe her lies.

I don't think Sophia hadn't been effected as badly as me, because we were pretty different; friends and fans wise.

It's no secret that Sophia definitely had a few more fans than I did.

Who am I kidding, she had tons more than me.

You see the thing is, people didn't 'ship' her boyfriend with another member of the band. And for some reason, people just liked her more. At first I didn't really understand why people thought she was so much better than me, but now I know why.

She's a lot prettier than me, people don't have as hard of a time believing her relationship, which really bothered me.

There was nothing to believe or not believe.

I was with Louis and some people had a terrible, terrible, and hard time excepting that.

Perrie also had more fans than I did, due to the fact that she was in fact a celebrity herself, and once again, people didn't 'ship' her boyfriend with his best friend.

I felt like being friends with Perrie had really helped me gain fans, and made me feel like I was actually worth it, and that someone actually cared for me.

But when we had found out about what she had done to Zayn, it almost felt like my entire world had come crashing down.

She lied.

That was the only thing that I'd been thinking for weeks after that.

That's why I'm being, how do I say this.. cautious, with Ariana, sure she seems sweet, but so did Perrie.

Perrie.

I don't think Ariana likes me much now, because I was so rude to her before. I honestly hadn't meant to be,
I was just trying to keep myself from getting hurt again, because what I'd went through with Perrie was honestly one of the worst things I'd ever gone through, and I really was just tying to keep it from happening again.

ZAYN

I couldn't decipher exactly what I felt for Ariana, but it was something completely different, it couldn't have been love, I didn't feel like this with Perrie, and I was in love with her.

I think.

I thought that's what falling in love felt like, when someone makes you feel like you're worth something, and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, that's what I felt with Perrie.

What I feel with Ariana is completely different.

She's never once mentioned the contract, or the fact that in a year, we'll probably never see each other again.

Perrie had always brought that up, and when we got engaged, shed suddenly stopped. Now I knew why. She'd never wanted me, never wanted to be with me for me, she'd only used me for the fame, she didn't care about me. She didn't care about anything.

Ariana's never said anything about it, but I can tell she's just as much guarded as I am. Sometimes, even though I can tell its on accident, it honestly pisses me off that she'll do something like instantly pull away if we're hanging out on our own terms, like I know she's not used to it but I don't know if it's the fact that we were so rushed into this relationship that I don't even know what I'm feeling, or if Perrie's messed me up so bad that I don't even know how to tell if someone is like me, confused and scared of what they might be feeling, or if they honestly, genuinely don't care, and that haunted me every night, the majority of them being sleepless ones.

In the comer of my mind, somewhere in there, there's a part of me that's glad that me and Ariana were forced into this. If it weren't for her terrible jokes, her and I'd love for bands, or even her willingness to do almost anything, like when she and I started a full blown make out session in front of a couple of paparazzi, just for the hell of it, I don't know if I'd be able to function properly, because getting over someone that you loved is hard, one of the hardest things ever. I don't even know if it was love that I'd felt for Perrie, I don't think that I'd know exactly what it felt like, but people said it was hard. One of the toughest things in the world. But Perrie and I never fought, we were perfect, but you know what they say, if it's perfect it's probably not real.

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Kind of just a filler sorry!!

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