My Player

Part 1

Noah's POV

Liam.

Just the sound of his name makes my heart do flips. Everytime I see him I can't help but to be happy. Whenever he smiles, I smile. When he laughs, I laugh. When he's mad, I'm pissed. When he's upset, I'm sad.

I love being his best friend but, I just had to fall in love with him.

The player.

I just had to.

I can not stress enough about how much I hate to see my best friend act like a player. I try talking some sense into him, occasionally hitting the back of his head, but he just shrugs it off like it's fine.

I hate the fact that I love him because knowing that he is a player is not good for me. Liam would never hurt me though. He's really protective over me and he chooses me over anybody and everybody, know that I think about it that's how I fell for him in the first place.

He's just always messing around with guys and girls and just using them for sex or just to have a 'fun time.'

Whenever I see him with his arm around some guy or some chick at school it physically hurts my heart.

Liam doesn't know this but, I do hurt myself to get rid of the pain. I don't want him to know that I do this because he will go crazy. I've been in this deep depression for so long now and it's just my normal. It's been so long that it's my normal.

All I have to do to keep him from asking any questions is just to smile and act 'normal' I don't want him to blame himself for what I'm doing. Yeah it hurts, but that's a pain I'll go through everyday if that means I can still be by his side.

I have never loved someone as much as I love him. It's actually driving me crazy. Why can't he realise that I'm the one for him? Why am I not enough? Am I not skinny enough? Am I not cute enough? Not popular enough?

Am I just not enough?

What do I have to do just for him to notice me more than a friend? Why can't I just be enough?

These are the type of thoughts I have daily, even when I'm around him. Cutting is my pain reliever. It feels good in the moment then it returns to agony. I don't ever want him finding out about this. I don't want him blaming himself for my stupid, selfish, actions.

I just wish he loved me as much as I loved him.

Hey I know that this chapter is short I just wanted to introduce you guys to Noah first and give a little insight into where he is in his life. Anyways I love you my little roses and I don't know who needs to hear this but...

You are enough. You are loved. You are beautiful through and through. And I love you more than there are numbers. I love you my little roses
Love-Ruby♥️