Egyptian Vanity

Coda

Logan had stayed true to his word. A week had passed and I hadn't seen him once. The closest thing I got to contact with him was hearing Hajra or Lily speaking his name and even then it was very limited. I think Logan mentioned that we aren't on speaking terms or Lily ratted us out. She promises she didn't but I knew she wasn't very good at keeping secrets. Regardless, Logan and I hadn't made contact in a week. 

At first I was angry with him for actually leaving me alone. The anger lasted a few short days before it morphed into sadness and then into depression. My days consisted of me waking up, doing my chores and then going back to bed. I couldn't even find the motivation to go to the library and read like all the other times I was upset. I was only focused on him and he didn't even want anything to do with me. Never in my life did I think I would fall into such sadness over someone I'd only known for a few months. I knew it wasn't normal and yet I couldn't dig myself out of this hole. For goodness sake, he'd only broke contact with me for a few days and I was this distraught. It made me angry but I knew, deep down, that this was probably it for our relationship. 

I really didn't know if there was anyway that we could fix this. We weren't right for each other and we both knew it. We were on different paths and we are only supposed to meet for a little while. It was better this way and I knew it. I mean look at what he had done to me for the short while that I'd known him. 

Sure, he showed me things that I never would have experienced on my own but the cons outweighed the pros, right? 

My brain split into two sides, battling with one another. There were constant remarks coming from each side, trying to deter the other and it was enough to make me go crazy. There seemed to not be a distinct answer so I made a judgement call: just ignore the situation until it goes away. I would simply forget about all the problems we had and try to make amends with him and when that doesn't work, I'll just forget about the situation and move on. I wasn't here for much longer, the least I could do is apologize before I left. 

Yes, that is the perfect plan. 

With my new plan all laid out in my brain, I woke up the next morning with a little pep in my step. The sadness was still prominent but at least I had convinced myself that I was going to speak to him and that was enough my make me a little happy, even if the conversation wasn't going to be pretty. I didn't want to admit it but I missed him. A lot. 

Even though I planned on breaking the silence and talking to him, I didn't know what to say. There were so many ways to go around doing this and none of them seemed right. I didn't want to have to end things with him but I knew in the long run it would be better for me and hopefully him as well. I tried to go over how I was going to start the conversation but I couldn't land on a perfect way to start it. Each scenario ended in him being mad at me and me being heartbroken. I came to the realization that no matter how I started this conversation, it would end with both of us upset. At least I would get to talk to him. 

I got ready for the day, showering, brushing my teeth and trying to mentally prepare myself to face him again. I changed into my uniform and made my way out of my room. Just as I shut my bedroom door behind me, other maids passed by me, glaring at me the whole time. At least there was something good that would come out of me leaving, I would never have to see them again. It would put my mind at ease to know that I wouldn't be living in a house with people plotting to kill me. I waited for them to round the corner before following after them. I wanted as much space between us as possible. 

I made the decision that I would wait until after dinner tonight to go talk with Logan. It would give me more time to come up with the right way to start the conversation. Or perhaps it was just me procrastinating and prolonging the inevitable. Either way, waiting until after my chores seemed like the best option.