Fun Travels in Vinland Saga: From a Dimension Time Traveler

Gods.

This shit hole is the protagonist.
She is currently crying.
Why? Because Askeladd, her husbando, fucking died.
But once the man fell limp, time stopped, and our protag does not notice until Jesus appeared.

"Do not be-", started Jesus, but our protag is a bitch so she screamed.
"AHHHHHH! Holy Shit, ITS OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST!", interrupted our protagonist whose name is Elena.
Jesus looked at Elena for a second and Elena looked back at Jesus.

"Oh. Sorry. Uh- Am I- y' know...?", Elena looked at Jesus, with a face of concern. Jesus shook his head.

"No, you are not dead. Time has stopped and I am here to be your guide as you navigate the world of the show you dearly love.", explained Jesus, his voice silky smooth voice and silky smooth hair, and silky smooth clothes being silky and- oh shit. Sorry, I'm a bad author.

So the bitch ass idiotic Elena responded, "Oh! So One Piece? Am I going to get a Devil Fruit?".

Jesus shook his head.

"No, my dear child, it is the show right in front of you. Vinland Saga."

Elena looked back at Jesus with a tired look. "My lord. I have zero martial arts training and only know how to fight due to the power of the sandals my mom uses to hit me when I was young. I am also a female and I'm brown. I'm Asian. I am pudgy and chubby and thick. I don't think I'll survive Vinland Saga."

Jesus smiled reassuringly and placed a hand on her shoulder. Elena suddenly feels enlightened.

"Child, do not worry. The other gods have decided to gift you the abilities superhuman regeneration and superspeed. They gave weapons-", Jesus then whispered under his breath, "And in a  which I strongly decided against, but that means I would be stepping into my fellow Norse god's territory, and..."

Jesus sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his annoyance.

"I'll give you a minute, Jesus.", Elena said, clearing reading Jesus's face. With an Empathetic look on her face, she held the hand of Jesus Christ and pat it.

Jesus smiled softly and thanked her.

He started to speak again, but he is now sitting on the couch, sitting beside her.

Cool. I wish Jesus was sitting beside me.

"They, all of the Norse gods, made two small rods that can turn into any weapon you imagine. The dwarves fashioned you of a belt that has a pocket filled with explosive pellets, the size of a pea and the explosion of a hand grenade. Loki made you a Japanese fox mask that when put on, you will also be able to speak, read and understand any language fluently. Freya gave you the power of-"

He sighed again, looking very disappointed, "She gave you the power to pull almost anything out of your breast." He said flatly. His face was dead serious.

I swear this man needs a vacation.

Elena pats Jesus on the back. "Do you need tea, Jesus?"

Jesus glanced at Elena. "No thank you. I am glad to know you are concerned about me, but it's all right, child."

Elena nodded, wondering how Jesus is feeling.

"I have decided to give you the power of regeneration. Ran gave you the power to control water and Frigg bestowed you the gift of divination for fights.", finished Jesus.

"What about the others?", Asked Elena.

Yeah, what about the fucking others.

"They were... busy.", said Jesus, pausing before saying busy.

Elena nodded, squinting her eyes accusingly at Jesus.

"Okay, then what about the mask? I can speak any language when the mask is on, but what if I want to speak Japanese or English and want to have no-one to understand me? What if the mask is broken? Stolen? Lost? What if Loki is faking the powers of the mask?", asked Elena, asking a good question because of plot and shit.

"If you want to be understood, they will understand you, if not, they won't. Loki thought about that. It can't be broken, and if touched by another person without your consent, they will be transformed into stone. If it was lost, it will be in your hands once you want and need it. And do not worry about Loki. I and all the rest of the gods, not only the Norse ones, made sure he won't be tricking you. And if he did, well... I pray for his safety from all the other gods. "

"Oh."

And then the protagonist was falling down.

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