Bad Together

• | 11 | • Dead Reckoning

DEFINITION | to find yourself bothered by someone's death more than you would have expected

✰✰☀︎✰✰

Rosalie Jenkins

I can't remember the last time I broke down in front of my mom, Probably because I have never actually done it before.

The pain felt unbearable, as if I couldn't breathe. I wanted to run, hide and stay there forever. I wanted to be alone but my mom wouldn't let me.

What did she think of me? I wanted to know what was going through her head as my tears soaked her shoulder.

She sang to me softly with her hand brushing over my back ever so lightly, almost as if I was a piece of delicate glass.

Maybe I was. I could shatter at any moment and I knew that. But did I want that?

"I'm a bad person" I sniffle, trying to stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks but I couldn't. Poor mom's shirt was getting drenched by my salty tears.

Is this what it feels like to be broken? Because I feel like I am broken beyond repair, no one can help me now.

"We have all done bad things" She murmurs back against my head, trying to make me feel better.

Has she killed anyone? No. Has she kept two murders a secret? No. She doesn't know what it feels like.

"No you don't understand" My anger begins to build up.

"Shh it's okay I understand" She whispers, soothing her hand over my back again to try and calm me down.

No you don't understand, nobody does. You are only saying that now because it's too late, you don't understand.

She is only saying that to make me feel better about myself. Lies, that is what it is. Just lies that are far from the truth itself.

I didn't have the courage to tell her what I did. I couldn't. She wouldn't love me anymore, she would disown me.

I mean who wanted a murderer as a daughter?

Not her, not my mom. She was the kindest, most loving person in the world who deserved happiness in her life.

She saved people, helped bring them into this world. She paid for all the bills, Earned the money and looked after all of us.

She needed a break.

"What's she crying about now?" I hear Cole complain from behind us.

I clenched my fists into my mom's jumper, listing all the ways I could get rid of Cole. He wasn't wanted in my family.

He ruined us, he ruined me. What does she even see in a asshole like him? He was using her for her money and house.

He did fucking nothing around here and I was sick of watching him drink day in and day out without any fucks given.

My mom worked her ass off after dad died to try and keep us alive and well. Then Cole came into our life and fucked everything up.