The Mistake | Colby Brock

Chapter Seventy Six-Alexithymia

Jordan's pov
  "Moving on is apart of growing, Jordan. You can't ignore that. I guarantee every single person in our friend group has been through something. But they don't ever let it define who they are. Dont let that happen to yourself." I looked at the split haired boy, taking in his words as they sank through my skin. "What helped you?" I managed to ask, he thought for a second, i could practically see himself asking the same question. "Knowing that whatever i do i can't be perfect, but i know i can be happy." He smiled down at me, mixed emotions showing off of him. "This might be a stretch but, will you help me?" I asked nervously, begging for a yes but preparing myself for something like 'maybe you should do that on your own' some bullshit like that. But instead, he nodded "yeah, of course i can." I shuffle my body forward a little, bringing my arm that was closest up. "Promise me," i smiled holding my pinky up. He chuckled, shaking his head before leaning down, and enter locking our pinkies. I shuffled back, getting comfy. "Great, i'm holding you to that now." I pointed sternly. "Hey! This is your responsibility too!" He held his hands up in defense as i laughed at him. I didn't exactly know what i was getting into, but i was ready for it. I knew one way i would have to get out of this shell i've grown into. One day i'll find out who i am. "You think i'll be put on death row? Or serve jail time?" I asked Aryia, the world will probably find out i've killed people soon, but i was terrified on what they'll do to me. He didn't answer for a while, scaring me even more. "I'm not sure, they're both still alive, Emily and David i mean. So you could test in court if anything, ask Sam about it tomorrow to be sure." He said, scratching the back of his neck. I cursed under my breath, knowing he heard it crystal clear. I didn't want them to be alive, no matter how bad that sounds. They both costed me months of pain and suffering. David years, basically a lifetime. "Do you not want them alive?" He asked with full curiosity in his voice. "It's not that i don't want them alive, well, i'm not sure actually. Both of them have done so much bad things to me i could write a book about it." "Well at least you have them to testify in court, it could save you." I nodded at him, he was right. At least i had them. "I hate them, so much. I hate so much people right now i just want it to go away." I sighed, closing my eyes for a second. "I don't know what David, or Emily, or even Colby did to you. But i know it was pretty fucked up. And i'm sorry for that i really am, i'll be there for you the whole step of the way." I looked up at him, he wasn't lying when he said that. For once someone was telling the truth to me. "Thank you." I said softly. "That's what friends are for dude." He chuckled, but i shook my head as his laugh faded away. "Thank you for behind honest, it's hard to find people like you." I said. "Yeah we're pretty underground." He said making me laugh at him. "You're so dumb." I rolled my eyes playfully making him gasp. "Dang girl." He said, the room filling with laughter. It hurt like a bitch to laugh, but i needed it more than anything right now. And i was greatful i had someone to rely on. "What do you think about her?" I asked Aryia completely speaking my mind. "Who?" "The b- the new girl." I quickly corrected myself, he caught it obviously, but he only laughed. "She's cool, funny, smart even, she's overall a pretty good person." Ugh, i wanted to slap him. Of course she has everyone wrapped around her little finger. I nodded, keeping my opinion to myself. "I'm sure you know i broke up with Colby by now." "Yeah i heard, i'm really sorry Jordan. I sure he regrets what he did, even if i don't know about it. It could've been a mistake or hopefully it was." I knew he was defending his friend and he always would, but now? Seriously? My face scrunched in confusion. "Are you sure the mistake was what he did? Or the mistake was getting with him in the first place?" I asked, the serious tone in me pouring out. I heard him sigh, and shift in his seat a little. "Tell me how you feel Jordan, what's on your mind?" His curious voice wondered, trying to get me to open up. But i couldn't. I opened my mouth, ready to pour everything out, but nothing came. I was empty. I hated that. I hated how i couldn't open up when i basically already did, but for some reason i couldn't say anything anymore. I forced words out, rough like sandpaper, but better than nothing. "Alexithymia" I whispered out hoping he caught what i said. "I don't know what that mea-" "Noun, the inability to recognize or describe one's own emotions" i said quietly. It was small, but it meant a lot of me in the moment. "Your emotions? Or others?" He asked me. "It can be either, but in this case i would definitely say my own." There was a light knocking on the door, cutting off our conversation. "Yes?" I asked softly to Nicoles standing next to the wall frame. "Visiting hours end in five minutes." She said quietly with a small smile before disappearing into the hall. "You should go home, it is pretty late." I got a chance to glance at the clock, it was around four am. I'm surprised they let him stay this long, or if it was because i got here late already. "Okay if you say so." He dragged, i shook my head, laughing at him. "I'll be by tomorrow? I'll bring food too." He said with a smile. "Bring me a milkshake!" I yelled before he walked out. "What kind?" He asked down the hall. "Vanilla or strawberry!" I heard him laugh as he swooped around and peeped back in my room. "You dont have to yell Jordan, i have super hearing." I almost face palmed myself. "Right, my bad." I chuckled. "See you tomorrow homie." "See ya."